Chapter 21

Luka

My mind disassociated from my body. I didn’t want to listen to Olivia, but I couldn’t walk away.

“You’ll never be good enough for him. At 20 years old, he’s probably sowing his wild oats, slumming it with his peasant adventure. I’ve known him since we were babies, in the crib. We shared a wet nurse, you know…”

“I didn’t.”

“Of course you didn’t. You don’t know anything about him. And if I know him, which I do, he’ll come to his senses once he’s sick of you.”

There was so much I wanted to say, but I knew if I talked, I’d either start sobbing or start punching her. Neither was a good look for me.

I turned and started walking away, when I saw Caleb walking in my direction. I felt myself brightening, happy to see him, but he walked past toward Olivia. More proof that she was right.

“Let’s speak in the office, Olivia.” Caleb gestured for all of us to walk together.

I marveled at the mask Olivia was able to put on in front of Caleb, of being pure sweetness, not a bad bone in her body. I wondered if he saw through it.

In the sitting room in the front, Caleb told me to wait. “I’ll just be a few minutes, Luka. Olivia and I need to talk. Wait for me here.”

Ugh. I felt like a child. The seconds passed like hours. For the first time, I missed Long Lake Pack, because at least with Declan, I didn’t care what he did, I just wanted to be away from him. But with Caleb, there was something at stake.

It could have been ten minutes or ten hours when they emerged. I looked closely as he hugged her goodbye. He went back to his office instead of coming out, leaving me alone again with Olivia.

“See? You’re the hired help. Just your services happen to be of the indecent variety.”

I wanted to argue, to say, That’s not even true, we can’t even do that. But that made it worse in a way.

“He makes his own decisions,” I said. “I don’t control him—”

“You couldn’t if you wanted to,” Olivia retorted.

“—But he’s chosen to have me live here. And I see he hasn’t chosen you.” I felt my breath speeding up, my face turning red. “So take it up with him, not me.”

Olivia left with a scoff.

I gathered myself to calm down, trying not to think about her or her words, or how she was beautiful in a way that I wasn’t. Golden blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, incredible figure, a confidence in her own skin and natural ease walking in four-inch heels.

I looked down at myself. Even with all the glamour in the world, I would still look like a mousy servant.

“Have you eaten yet?” Caleb’s voice made me jump.

I found it amusing when he’d ask questions that I thought would be obvious to him. I eat meals pretty much only with him, especially since being placed on my new food plan.

“I haven’t.”

“Are you hungry?”

I started to answer.

“Oh, you know what, never mind,” Caleb said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re hungry. You need to eat to gain your strength.”

I was starving. But it was true.

We went into our patio spot, and his attendants immediately swarmed. “What can I get you, your majesty?”

“Please check the food plan for Ms. Shaw, and tell the chefs to make something delicious from the menu.”

The attendant, named Vincent, nodded and went into the kitchen.

Within fifteen minutes, a beautiful array of dishes arrived. Lentil salad with tomatoes from the garden, grilled salmon, fresh fruit, and a number of vegetables I had never seen before. The drink was a rosewater-flavored cultured milk, a delicacy, Caleb said.

He orchestrated the order, telling me which to have first. Every so often, he’d take the food on his fork and feed it to me. I feel like a queen, I thought to myself, and my stomach jolted with dread.

I may feel like a queen, but I’m not. I’m not the Luna here and never will be. The food combined with the memory of Olivia’s words, and my stomach began to curdle.

Caleb tried feeding me more, but I waved my hand away. When he grew insistent, I held my hand on my stomach.

“I’m not feeling well, Caleb. Can we save the rest for later?”

“Why? The chef can just make it anew.”

My stomach twisted and turned, adjusting to the heavy food. The doctor had warned about refeeding syndrome, where too rapid a shift from starvation to sustenance can make the body go dangerously haywire.

Caleb had been more dismissive about it than I expected, which made me feel like he cared more about being right than about my health.

“Just try…” He put some of the vegetables on his fork.

“Sorry!” I ran out of the room to the nearest powder room downstairs. I was humiliated, praying to the gods that Caleb couldn’t hear me retching. During a break from the heaving, I turned on the faucet, trying to muffle the noise. I doubt it worked.

I splashed water on my face, looking at the dark circles under my eyes. The way I looked, I probably wouldn’t even get hired as a servant. How could I be Luna?

I opened the door, surprised to see Caleb there, wringing his hands, pacing. “Are you all right, Luka?”

I swallowed and adjusted my hair. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little bit…”

“Come, lay down in the front room. You’ve done a lot today.”

I was afraid he would leave me again, like he did when Olivia came, but he didn’t. He sat near my head, stroking my hair.

Vincent walked by and lowered his head. “Your majesty. My lady. How may I be of service?”

“Vincent, please get me a cold wet washcloth, a metal bowl, a large bowl of ice, and a large carafe of water with glasses. Thank you.”

Vincent whisked himself away and came back within minutes. “I also brought ginger candies for the stomach. Just like…”

“Like my mother gave to me as a child.” Caleb smiled. I imagined his handsome face in child form, picturing his mother playing nursemaid to her little boy. In pictures of her, she was beautiful.

He wiped my face with the cloth and fed me ice chips. With his help, I sat up to drink water. His hands wandered from my hair to my cheek, brushing it gently with his hands. He massaged my shoulders, soothing me with the kneading motion mixed with his intoxicating scent.

He leaned over, and I felt his soft breath near my neck for just a moment. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply.

His hands roamed to my stomach. I grabbed them defensively on impulse, embarrassed once I realized what I’d done.

“Shh, it’s okay, Luka,” he whispered directly in my ear. His touch was as soothing as the cold washcloth. I lightened my hold on his hand, cupping it with mine instead of pushing it away.

“I’m sorry for not making progress more quickly,” I said.

“Don’t be. You’ll have time to get better.”

That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that it was fine. I wanted to hear him say, it’s not slow at all.

I filled in the blanks of his sentence. You’ll have time to get better…Before I make the decision whether to throw you out.

…Because no one’s making you Luna.

…Because I expect you to disappoint me.

“So, tell me about Olivia…” My attempt at nonchalance failed miserably.

He sighed and stiffened his posture, sitting up, abruptly stopping the soothing motion of his hands. “She’s the daughter of an elder. Our fathers were friends.”

I waited for him to say more, but he volunteered nothing.

“And the two of you, were you friends, too…”

He crossed his arms and shifted on the sofa, sighing. “Do we have to go into this?”

The moment I brought up Olivia, his demeanor changed. I was afraid of what she said to him. She had lied before, and I had no doubt she wouldn’t hesitate again.

The bubble of our intimacy popped. I ruined it, like so many other things. What hold did this girl have over him?

“I’ll train harder, Caleb. I just want you to know that.”

He nodded.

What did she tell him? I thought about it the entire rest of the day. It haunted me as I went to sleep.

“Whatever Olivia said to Caleb, I will prove her wrong,” I whispered to myself.

I wasn’t sure whether I actually believed it.