Chapter 187

“But he didn’t mark me,” I whisper.

“But he might,” Luca says, his brows going up.

And I don’t say anything – not a word. Because honestly, this morning? If Jackson had offered me his mark, I’d have taken it. It was that intense, that real between us. It always has been.

But…how can I tell Luca that without breaking his heart?

How can I tell Luca that I want his mark too? That I want both of them, not one or the other?

I just stare down at my gorgeous, heartbroken mate, and sigh. Because I don’t know what to do.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Ariel,” Luca whispers, his eyes drifting shut. “If you’re sleeping with him – or close enough to it that he’s scent marking you, which we all know is this incredibly intimate act…I don’t know if I can do this.”

My lip starts to shake with dread, with horror. Because…I mean, is Luca rejecting me?

I look up, frantic, at my brother and my cousin, not knowing what to do. Silently, I beg them for help, beg them to intercede – because I…

I am at the end of my rope here. And I’m terrified that I’m about to lose my mate – and if I do, my heart will shatter into a thousand pieces right here in Jackson’s room.

“Okay!” Rafe says, stepping forward, his face tense, his mind clearly racing.

Jesse slowly lifts his arm from Rafe’s shoulder, looking around, worried. Jackson stays quite still at his place against the wall, not moving an inch.

I start almost to pant with worry, not knowing what my next step should be.

“What if,” Rafe continues slowly, clearly thinking it through as he goes, watching me with anxiety all over his face, sensing that I’m out of answers and desperate for a solution. “There were…limits.”

“Limits?” Jesse asks, a little under his breath as he raises a hand to rub his eye. “What are you talking about?”

“Well,” Rafe continues, spreading out a hand. “Luca…is having trouble dealing with the idea that Jackson might mark Ariel. So…what if we agreed that…he won’t.”

My mouth falls open and Jackson snaps his head up, growling a little at the thought.

“And!” Rafe amends as Luca looks up at him, at all of us. “Neither will Luca. No marks. Not…not until Ariel makes her choice. Which,” he says, looking hard at me now, “is still the plan. Yes?”

I groan a little, inwardly, at the truth of that statement. Because, I mean, we only made that agreement a few days ago, but in that short time my bonds with both of my mates have only grown exponentially. The idea, now, of letting either of them go?

I mean, honestly, it feels…absolutely impossible.

But still, I agreed. I promised.

“Yes,” I whisper.

“No marks,” Luca says, murmuring a little as he considers it. He sits up a little straighter next, looking me straight in the eye. “And, no sex.”

I huff out a sound of horrified protest, turning to stare at him. Because what! Who the hell is he to…! And why!? What!?

“Actually, that makes a lot of sense,” Jesse says, his voice thoughtful.

I spin to stare at him now, making a repeat of the same squeaky, huffy noise.

“Seriously!” Jesse says, looking at me with a great deal of empathy but speaking plainly so that I can understand his point. “Sex with wolves always creates a bond, but with a mated pair? Apparently, it like…cements something. Intensifies the bond, makes it incredibly hard to break. That’s why sex and the marking are…you know. So frequently…done together.” His words fade off awkwardly at the end there as he realizes that he’s not really talking theoretically, but instead about his very real cousin being marked by her very real mates. Both of whom are in the room.

“He’s not wrong,” Rafe says, and I turn in time to see him shrug. “And…I think it would take a great deal of pressure off the situation. Neither of them,” he says, gesturing between Jackson and Luca, “will be worried about the other cementing his bond to you, or giving you his mark, because…it’s not on the table.”

I slowly close my jaw, which I now realize has been hanging open and stare at my brother, who nods slowly to me, silently begging me to see that this is the solution I’m looking for.

“If you’re going to choose anyway, Ariel,” he says softly. “Then…why not wait.”

“Plus, then you can’t get knocked up,” Jesse murmurs, rubbing his eye sleepily again. “Which…you know, is just convenient. What with…going back to school in a week and a half. Don’t want to…bring a…baby…even if it’s just on the inside…”

“Shut up, Jess,” I sigh.

“Yup, you got it,” he murmurs, his exhaustion clearly taking over.

I take a deep breath as the room falls quiet, closing my eyes for a second and pulling myself together. Because…I mean…

Honestly, I don’t think that this is the solution that I’m looking for. The solution that I want is one which allows Luca and Jackson to be okay with each other, with both of them being in my life. But today Jackson already asked for limits – asked for me to not be affectionate with Luca in his presence.

I scowl, opening my eyes as I realize that here Luca is – barging into Jackson’s room. Quickly, I look over at Jacks, but he’s still got his head down, studying his feet. I smirk a little to see him standing there bare-chested in his pajamas, just looking so…cute.

But then I turn my eyes over to Luca, who likewise isn’t looking at me, and my smile falls away. Because he’s my mate, and he’s heartbroken, and…if this is what he needs?

Then why on earth would I deny it?

I step forward to him quickly, softly, and run a hand over his hair. He looks up at me, his pretty brown eyes wide and sad. “Is this really what you want?” I ask softly.

“No,” he says, hardly more than a whisper. “But…it’s what I can handle, until you…” he glances over at Jackson now, and some sort of grace makes him put his final two words in my mind instead of saying them aloud. Pick me, he says, holding my gaze. Until you pick me, Ariel.

I sigh, and purse my lips, and give him a little nod before taking a step away.

“Jacks?” I call, wanting him to consent to it too.

He lifts his head to look at me and I open my end of our bond so that he can feel what I feel, and he can send me whatever it is he wants me to know. “Are you okay with this?”

He just gives a little shrug, reminding me down the bond what we agreed to this morning – that it doesn’t make much of a difference to him anyway, since we already took sex off the table on our own. I also get the sense that it’s all the better in his book if I’m not sleeping with Luca to boot.

I smirk at him a little, and the corner of his mouth curves. But he just gives me a nod, and it’s done.

“Fine,” I say, throwing up my hands a little bit. “The sex ban is…in effect. No sex, no marks. What fun for me.”

Jesse laughs a little bit, and I turn to give him a little smile, glad that someone is still willing to find a little humor in this situation.

“Come on, Luc,” Jesse says, reaching out a hand for Luca as he yawns. “You’re beat, I’m beat. Let’s go find a place to crash.”

Luca hesitates, glancing at me, clearly wanting to go back to my room with me, but Jesse just gives him a pretty smile.

“Come on, Luca!” Jesse insists, tugging on his arm. “I want a snack first and you pick out the best snacks. Let’s go.” He says the last two words more solidly than the others, letting my mate know it’s not an option.

Luca sighs and stands. He hesitates and then brushes a hand over my hair, looking down into my eyes. “We’ll talk?”

“We’ll talk,” I say, nodding at him, tucking my hands behind my back, resting the urge to touch him more. Because, honestly, Luca got his way this morning – but I am not a fan of the tempter tantrum he threw to achieve that. And we will be having a conversation about it when he’s awake and sober.

Luca sighs, feeling my displeasure a bit, and then walks to Jesse’s side. The two of them leave the room and Rafe moves to the door, glancing out of it, looking up and down the hall. “Come on, Ariel,” he murmurs. “I think we should get you out of here and into the shower before the halls fill up.”