Chapter 313

Things get heated fast between Luca and I as he pulls me back between the trees, moving quickly to the ground and taking me with him. I moan into Luca’s mouth as he kisses me hard and fast, as his hand slips beneath Daphne’s little jacket, finding the skin of my back as his other hand wraps around the back of my neck pulling me close.

I get more and more lost in him with every fervid kiss, my hands moving first through his hair and then fumbling at the buttons of his shirt as I pant against his lips, pressing myself closer to him. And as my fingers work at the top button of his shirt, and then the second, wanting to slide my palms against his body, I realize that Luca and I – we haven’t done this in a long, long time.

That we just haven’t had the time – that I’ve been wrapped up in Jackson, and also that midwinter and school have truly kept us apart.

But now that we have this moment here, in the woods? And I can taste him, feel again the way his mouth moves hot on mine?

God, but I want him. Very, very badly.

Luca groans, dropping his hand from my neck and pulling hastily at my skirt to find the bottom. When he finally finds his way through the folds of fabric, his hand sliding first up my calf and then up my thigh, the intensity of it makes me break away – makes my head fall back on my neck as his fingers skirt the edge of my panties, wrapping around them, wanting desperately to rip them off.

I lift my head back up, a little dizzy with the intensity of it, shifting my hips in his lap until I can feel the hard length of him pressed against me. Luca moans, and shudders, and presses a kiss to my neck. Then he opens his mouth and I can feel him press his canines, already extended, against the soft skin there. A hard shudder goes through me at that and my wolf howls, desperate and anxious at once, pressing at the edge of our bond.

I turn towards her, not understanding as she darts back and forth in my soul, a whine in her throat because – what? Why is she –

But then I frown, realizing that…

“Luca,” I say, pulling back from him a little, my hand moving to cup his cheek, my thumb tracing over his bottom lip.

He looks up at me, his eyes half lidded with his want. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me and then leans forward, wanting my mouth again on his. But I pull back and shake my head, my frown deepening. “Luca, where is your wolf?”

“What?” he asks, blinking back to himself and frowning at me in turn. “What are you talking about?”

I shift away from him, turning my head, trying to remember back, but…

Was there…ever a time? When our wolves connected, as Jackson’s and mine do every night?

“The bond,” I murmur, terribly confused and suddenly a little afraid, “my wolf is looking for yours – where…where is he?”

Luca starts and then just stares at me, the mood shifting in an instant. “What are you talking about?”

“Luca,” I whisper, leaning forward, a smile flickering on my mouth – thought it doesn’t stay long as worry becomes my primary emotion. “My wolf just wants to connect with yours when we’re…together. Why are you holding back?”

“Why do you want to do that?” he asks, looking at me like I’m crazy.

I go still, worry and a little shame rushing through me because…I don’t know, because Luca’s looking at me like I said something…dirty. “What are you talking about?” I whisper. “Why wouldn’t I want that?”

Luca shifts then, lifting me off of his lap and setting me next to him on the ground, even as he turns to face me. “You want our wolves to like…meet? Across the bond?”

“Well, yeah,” I say, biting my lip, completely confused. “Why – I mean why haven’t they? Are you…holding back?”

His face turns then, his mouth pressing into a stern like. “Why? Is that what you do with him?”

“What?” my eyes go wide with the accusation in his voice, the jealous fear.

“With Jackson,” Luca snaps, his mouth turning down. “Do you guys like, connect across your souls, wolf-to-wolf or something?”

I straighten, frowning at Luca in turn, still completely shocked that the mood has changed so completely within the past thirty seconds and not liking at all where this is going. I straighten my shoulders, narrowing my eyes at my mate. “This isn’t about what I do with Jackson,” I snap, looking at him evenly. “I’m asking you about you. About your wolf.”

Luca scowls, looking away from me and curling his shoulders inward, looking for all things…lost, and self-conscious. “Can we just…leave my wolf out of this?” he murmurs.

“Why?” I ask, barely a whisper.

“Because I asked you to,” Luca snaps, glaring at me from the corner of his eye.

I sit even straighter, staring at my mate, completely unused to being iced out like this. But as I watch him, I realize that Luca is being nasty to me right now because he’s…hiding something. Because he’s hurt, or afraid.

I tuck my own anger away, making a mental point to talk about this particular method of confrontation at a later time, and instead turning to the real problem at hand: the fact that I’m not sure I’ve…ever met Luca’s wolf. Except that one time when he completely lost his cool the day he found out I have another mate – when he shifted, and he and Jacks attacked each other.

I stare at my mate, trying to figure it out as he stares moodily into the trees, working hard to control his breathing. As he does I concentrate on our bond, on my little rose-gold wolf whom I love so much, who is such a friend to me, as she nudges the bond with her nose, forcing it to become a bridge between our souls.

It’s so much…harder than it is with Jackson, who has always been so open to me.

Luca flinches, turning to glare at me a little bit harder. “What are you doing?” he snarls.

I don’t answer as my wolf moves slowly across the bond bridge to his side, nudging at the wall she finds there.

“Would you stop that?” he snaps.

I just turn my head and peer at him, totally confused and utterly curious. “Luca,” I whisper, leaning forward and putting a hand on his arm. “She won’t go any further if you don’t want her to but…you should let us in.”

Luca snarls, looking away from us again, and to my shock tears start at the edges of his eyes. My wolf whines deep in her throat and curls up at the other edge of our bond, her body pressed warm against the wall in his soul. And I move closer to Luca, doing the same, lining my body up with his as close as he’ll let me and putting my head on his shoulder, just…being near. Being close to my mate, who I love, but who I’m just now realizing has maybe never let me all the way in.

We stay that way for a long, long time, with me pressed warm against Luca’s side. I can feel his chest hitching with held-back tears, can hear him sniffing, but I let him have his space, not acknowledging it.

“Look,” Luca says when his breathing his calmer, though his voice is still choked. “I’m sorry – it’s not your fault, okay? And it’s not that I don’t want to be close to you like that. I just…I can’t.”

“Okay,” I whisper, doing my best to understand as my wolf turns again towards the wall and prods it with her nose. But even as she does, we can feel that the wall is Luca’s – that he put it up. That he strengthens and weakens it at will to decide which emotions to pass me, and which words.

And right now, it’s adamantine – stone and iron, with nothing coming through.

But still, it’s his. So it’s not that he can’t…it’s that he won’t.

“I just…” Luca murmurs, shaking his head and hanging it low. “My wolf isn’t like other people’s wolves, okay? He’s not…safe.”

“What do you mean?” I whisper, scared for his sake.

Luca looses a long breath, tears again slipping from his eyes. My wolf lets out a little howl, calling to his over and through the wall, desperate for him to hear it.

But I don’t say a word, letting Luca have the air.