Chapter 363

I’m honestly not aware of much as we fly to…wherever the hell we’re going. I mostly just concentrate on my mom’s warm presence at my side, and the soft murmuring things she says to me, even if I don’t know what they mean. Still, something about them dulls the gnawing ache in my heart.

An ache which seems to get bigger and bigger as the moments pass, like a cliff, or a quarry, with unsteady edges – my whole world threatening to just tilt in and smash to pieces at the bottom.

But my mom holds me together. I feel her healing magic sweep through me as she strokes my hair, feel her healing all the little cuts and bruises from the battlefield, the tiny scrapes and bumps. I only lift my head to stop her once, when the magic brushes against the cuts on my palms.

The ones Gibson left with that slash of his knife in the moments before he opened Tony’s throat.

“No, please,” I croak, shaking my head. “I need them – they’re all I have left –“

“Oh sugar,” mom whispers, stroking my cheek. “We all have to heal sometime.”

I nod, knowing she’s right. “Can you – can you not heal it smooth? Can you leave scars?”

“Yes, baby,” she whispers. “We’ll leave you the scars so your hands can always bear witness to what Tony gave for you. Okay? I promise.”

I nod, tears slipping down my cheeks.

“Now let me work, baby,” she whispers. I tuck my face back against her shoulder and sob as I feel her magic sweep over my palms, ending the physical pain but leaving so much behind.

Last of all she heals the mark on my neck, and as much as I know she tries to smooth it as best she can, I can feel it take shape into the other scar that I will bear forever.

The mark. Luca’s mark, which claimed me as his minutes before he rejected me.

I sob to feel it heal, not because it hurts but because…it’s a door closed. I’ll never not bear it. Every time I look in the mirror and see it I’ll remember that moment, that terrible mistake.

“Now now, baby,” mom murmurs, stroking her hand long over my back. “We’ll take it from here. You just let us help.”

Cora and Daphne murmur their support too, and I do feel safe.

But still the ache – it’s bone deep. Perhaps deeper, to beyond whatever is beneath that.

Things move fast once the helicopter starts to descend. I recognize the spa immediately – it’s small, very elite and – most important to mom – very discreet. I don’t know what the hell she must have paid to have the whole place cleared out for just the four of us – but, well. Money we have, and I’m sure mom wants to be alone.

I’m bundled off the elevator and into a very strong man’s arms the moment we land. I look up at him curiously, kind of confused, but he just smiles gently at me and carries me away to our room. There I’m bundled away into a bed in a dark room. Cora and Daphne cuddle in around me, quite quiet, while mom oversees the delivery of cart after cart of food.

Then mom comes into bed with me, and puts on movies that I don’t watch, and we all sit very calmly for a long, long time. Mom gives me a sip of the birth control potion, murmuring something about “just in case,” and then feeds me a few bites of ice cream. I barely taste it, though, and before long my eyes are drooping.

When I realize what’s happening, I whip my head up to glare at her. “You drugged me,” I murmur, my lips barely moving as the sleeping medicine she must have worked into the ice cream takes hold.

“Yes, baby,” mom murmurs, stroking a hand over my hair. “You can thank me in the morning.”

I’m asleep before I can even think about whether or not I’m mad to be sent off to sleep.

When I wake up, the room is sunny, and Daphne is propped up next to me in a very lush robe, her hair lovely and shining as it falls around her shoulders. She flicks through the TV channels and sips from something in a mug that smells spicy and chocolatey and lovely.

“Gimme that,” I murmur, reaching for her cup.

Daphne jumps and then bursts into a smile. “Sit up first, or you’ll spill it all over yourself.”

I grumble but haul myself into a sitting position, leaning back against what is probably sixteen lush pillows. When I’m settled, Daphne hands me the cocoa and I take a long sip, relishing the warm feel of it down my throat, the sugar and spicey taste on my tongue.

“You slept for a long time,” Daphne murmurs, reaching out and stroking a hand over my hair. “We were worried about you. Your mom and aunt made me stay in here to make sure you’re still breathing.”

“Oh please,” I croak, my throat still a little dry, looking up into her eyes. “They’re just checking out the wine menu in peace.”

Daphne laughs and the smallest smile finds my mouth before it falls away. I take another sip and then hold out the mug to my friend.

“Oh, you keep it,” she says, holding up a hand. “It’s good to see you drink something.”

I nod and look around for a minute, continuing to sip from the cup. “Where is Mittens?” I whisper, intuiting that he’s a secret.

“He’s been hiding,” Daphne says, unable to keep the little smile from her lips as she pulls back the blankets a little bit to reveal the little cat curled in her lap. “He’s very good at it, unsurprisingly.”

I reach out a finger and stroke it over his tiny head a few times, enjoying the soft shadowy feel of the tiny cat. Daphne and I silent for a long, peaceful few moments.

“Are you okay, Ari?” Daphne whispers, breaking it. But I don’t begrudge her that – I know she’s worried. “I mean, I know you’re not – I just – these past few days.”

“I know,” I whisper, opening my eyes a little and looking down at my cup. “A few days ago I had…all of them. And now Tony is gone. And Luca is…” my lip trembles and my throat seizes up. Daphne squeaks sadly and moves closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and tilting me a little so that I lean against her.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” she whispers.

“It’s okay,” I sigh. “I mean, it’s kind of the only thing on my mind anyway.”

“Oh good!” mom says, beaming as she bustles into the room in her own fancy robe. “You’re up! Now we can get started with step 2!”

“What’s that?” I ask, frowning at her. “What was step 1?”

“Step 1 was making sure you survive,” mom says, plopping down on the bed and leaning close to give me a kiss. “Step 2 is feeding you! And also distracting you from your woe.”

I groan a little, wanting to hold onto my woe a little bit. I don’t know why – maybe it’s just…the only thing that feels real. “What’s step 3? Can we skip right to that?”

“Step 3,” mom says cheerfully, “is –“

“Bloody revenge.”

We all spin to see Cora leaning in the doorway, grinning at us a little deviously. I laugh – I can’t help it.

“You have many options, baby,” Cora says, coming close and stroking a hand over my hair. “We can skin him alive, or we can cut his toes off and make him eat them, or we can –“

“Oh my god,” I say, looking at my aunt with wide eyes. “You’ve…thought about this.”

“Yeah, well,” she sighs. “You’ve been asleep a long time, kid. What else were we going to do?”

I look around in shock at my three lovely defenders and can’t help smiling again when mom and Daphne just shrug, like Cora’s precisely right.

“Oh, revenge later,” I say with a sigh. “Now…can we have wine? And maybe…more ice cream? Without the sleep meds this time?”

“The perfect medicine,” mom murmurs, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I knew I raised you right.”

A few hours later, my skin is buffed, my hair has gone through four treatments that have left it shiny and lustrous, and my nails are a pretty blushing pink. I’m also about four glasses of wine deep and have exclusively eaten bowl after bowl of ice cream today, so my mind is sufficiently unable to mope as much as it would if I stayed back at the castle. Deep down, I’m very grateful for my mom knowing precisely what to do.

I mean nothing is fixed, and nothing has changed. But my soul has been wrapped in a comfortable quilt of pampering girly things, and honestly, I’m the best I could be right now. I mean, it’s not good but…I am comfortable.

Mom. She really does know.

“This is a shame,” I say with a sigh, looking at my fingernails as I sit with my three companions on the wide plush couch in our sunny suite. “I’m going to have to take this off before I go back to school.”

“Screw it,” Cora says, taking a big bite of a pretzel slathered in mustard. “Boys can wear nail polish too.” She returns the half-finished pretzel to the wide coffee table, which is predictably covered in food.

“Not little shrimpy ones who are trying to convince people that they’re not a girl.”

“I wonder how much of your secret is intact though,” Daphne says, frowning at me a little, her voice gentle. “After Rafe carried you…pretty naked through the halls.”

“I had a blanket,” I growl, snatching a wrapped piece of candy off the table and throwing it at her.

Daphne grins. “And no hat. What mystery, a girl in Rafe Sinclair’s arms with a pretty rose-gold braid arching over her head –“

“Oh, shut up, they saw that in the Examination too and they’re all too stupid to figure it out. Or, at least too scared to say anything.”

Mom beams at me, I think pleased to see that I’m feeling well enough to be cheeky. “You okay, baby?” she asks, soft. The first time, really, that she’s invited me to talk about it. Which must mean she thinks I’m strong enough to talk about it now.