Chapter 370

Jackson just stares at me. “Ariel, what are you talking about? What would have changed?”

I shrug, my hand awkwardly coming up, my fingers brushing the bandage over Luca’s mark. “I would…I mean, I understand. If things are different for you now that I’m…marked. I know I’m not the same as I was before. I would…understand if you felt differently about me.”

“Ariel.” My name is almost scolding as it falls from Jackson’s mouth, as his fingers snap up and capture my chin, raising my eyes to meet his. “Don’t ever doubt it. Nothing – nothing about how I feel about you has changed, okay? If you feel differently, I’ll understand that, but –“

“I don’t,” I croak out, shaking my head vehemently, tears again streaming from my eyes. “Jacks, I don’t –“

“Well I don’t either – I’m – I’m fucking in love with you, Ariel – I’ll take you in whatever form – I don’t care a stupid mark –“

•“But you did care,” I whisper, shaking my head, taking his cheeks between my hands – not wanting him to lie just to make me feel better. “You saw it – saw me and you threw up –“

He groans, shaking his head. “Please, Ariel,” he murmurs. “Forgive me – you have to forgive me for that. I was shocked, and confused, and your scent was weird, and the sight of it turned my whole world upside down – but it’s different now, I promise –“

But he doesn’t get any more words out because I throw my entire weight against him, sobbing my heart out with relief.

And Jackson catches me – as he always does.

He wraps me up close, and falls back to the floor, and takes me with him so that I’m sprawled out over his chest. Where I belong.

“I’m not saying that the events of the past week are wiped away, Ariel,” he whispers, boosting me up so that our faces are even, inches apart. “The past happened – and it changes us. But if you’re asking if it makes me love you any less?” He solemnly shakes his head. “I love you. All versions of you. Forever.”

I sniff hard and tuck my head down to rest on Jackson’s shoulder, letting my eyes slip shut. He holds me for a long time laying on the floor like that, letting me cry myself out, his wolf carefully inspecting every inch of mine, licking her little face, nudging her paw so he can better see where she twisted her ankle, giving a mournful little howl in commiseration with her pain.

At some point, Jacks stands with me in his arms, and carries me over to the Nook where we collapse into the bed together. “At some point,” he murmurs, his lips against my hair. “I’m going to need you to eat. And then, when you’re ready, we’ll talk.”

I sigh against him, content if not yet perfectly happy after all I’ve been through – all I’ve lost.

“Okay,” I whisper, nodding my agreement. “Food first. And then we talk.”

Jackson leaves me for a few moments to ensure that the door is properly locked and then to bring over some of the food that Jesse ordered up hours ago from the kitchen. I perk up when I see the selection of cakes and pies that Jacks carries over on a tray. He laughs to see my eager expression, hear my stomach growl.

“Here,” he murmurs, handing me a fork. And then to my surprise he moves around the bed to take the little DVD player out from its spot in the bottom drawer, picking out a movie at random and turning it on. As I begin to see his line of thought a little smile takes my face as I eagerly stab at a piece of sponge cake, because as weird as it might seem, Jacks is entirely correct.

We need…a minute.

There are huge conversations to be had – very big ones. But no matter what those conversations are, Jackson and I both now know that we’re on the same page: no matter where those conversations go, we’re getting through them.

We’re going to be together. For good. No matter what – we’re going to put in the work, and the effort, and the grit to ensure that we get to a good spot. Even if we’re not there yet, we both know that we’re going to be.

And with that knowledge intact, we know that we can take a minute to simply rest. To remember what it’s like to be bodily together, side-by-side, even if my bodily chemistry has changed slightly now, perhaps on a fundamental level. Perhaps forever.

Wordless, but with understanding passing down the bond between us, Jackson places the DVD player in front of me on the bed and then squeezes in behind me, his back against the headboard. He presses a kiss to my hair as I lean back against him and continue eating my way through the desert tray, giving him a bite every few minutes as well.

When Rafe and Jesse come back half an hour later, their faces are very, very surprised to see the easy scene before them.

“Wow,” Jesse murmurs, wandering over to us. “I kind of thought you’d fight. Or at least not go immediately for cake.”

Jackson growls, glaring at my cousin, I think feeling crazy levels of protective and unable to help it.

I just snuggle back against him and shift my eyes to Rafe, who I find smiling subtly at me.

“Did you two even talk?” Rafe asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Cake first talk second,” I murmur, patting the bed, knowing my brother doesn’t understand but also know that right now…he doesn’t really need to. “Wanna watch?”

Jesse and Rafe look at each other but then both shrug.

“I’ll get more cake?” Jesse says, turning towards the dumbwaiter.

“Get something savory too,” Rafe murmurs, crawling across the bed to my other side and resting his giant head on my knee as he cuddles up and gets comfortable.

“You got it!” Jesse calls over his shoulder.

And I smile, and rest against Jacks, and allow myself to feel the peace I don’t fully feel I deserve. Because he’s too good to me – too forgiving, and I’m well aware of it. And tomorrow we can talk it all through.

But right now, when my wolf is curled up basically encircled by his, her head resting against his paws, feeling the warmth of him as he breathes softly around her? How? How could I disturb them both when they’ve been tortured for days and have finally found this peace?

And so I eat, and rest, and slowly let myself again drift off to healing sleep with my mate behind me and my brother and cousin on either side.

“Hey, trouble.”

Rafe’s voice stirs me from my deep sleep in the morning, from the dream in which Jacks and I were running, cliffside as our wolves, like we used to do even before we knew we could share dreams.

I blink, dazed and hazy, and look up at him.

He smirks and I can almost see the deep pleasure running through him to have me back where he can watch over me, back where he can see me getting better.

“We’re going for our run,” he murmurs, gesturing towards Jesse over his shoulder.

I moan, closing my eyes and pressing my cheek back to Jackson’s chest. “No, don’t make me run,” I murmur, shaking my head. “I can’t do it. I am weak. I am illness.”

Rafe laughs and I hear Jesse’s booted footsteps coming to his side. “To begin, you’re lying,” Jesse says, and I open one eye to peer up at him. “You could totally run if you wanted to. You’re just lazy.”

I scowl at him because he is right. But I don’t want to go. And they can’t make me.

“It’s fine,” Rafe says, laughing a little. “Stay in bed, we just wanted to let you know where we were going. Maybe…see you at breakfast?”

I nod up at him, noncommittal but letting him see that I understand.

My brother and my cousin nod to me again and then wave, headed for the door.

As the lock clicks, Jackson slowly begins to move his hand in its place on my back, slowly stroking up and down over my pajama top.

“Hey,” I whisper, smiling a little, relishing the warmth of him beneath me.

“Hello,” my mate says, quite soft, passing a great rush of warmth and affection down our bond.

I sigh and lift my head, resting my chin on his chest and peering up at him. “Ready to talk?”

“You hungry?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

I laugh, smiling at him. “Jackson, I’ve eaten enough for an Alpha ten times my size in the past four days. Honestly, I’m not at any chance of withering away.”

He grumbles something about miniature people being swept away by the wind but I just laugh and shake my head. “Seriously, Jacks,” I whisper, my face falling a bit. “I want to have this chat.”

“All right, tiny,” he murmurs, cupping my cheek in his palm. “Let’s have it, then.”