Chapter 371

Jackson and I each take a moment to clean up, brushing our teeth and splashing water on our faces, before we return to the nook – the place where we feel most secure. But I push the curtain back, letting the pre-dawn light stream in. Because that feels right, feels better.

“So,” Jackson murmurs, wrapping his long arms loosely around his knees as he leans back against the pillows. “Where do you want to start?”

I bite my lip, wondering at it, but also…distracted. Distracted by the sheer physical presence of my mate, sitting there across from me in our bed, all gorgeous and understanding and willing to hear every bit of what I have to say. Almost despite my resolve to be stoic and serious, my eyes move away from his face and down his form, taking in the beautiful way that his body has been crafted, honed, over years of punching stuff and running and whatever else it is these warrior-types do. My wolf shifts from paw to paw, giving me a nudge, telling me to go to him – to touch him –

But –

I hesitate, knowing where that got me last time. With Luca. Giving in to impulse and attraction is…not always the best choice.

When I raise my eyes again to Jackson’s face, I see that his jaw is tight, his teeth clenched as he senses the direction of my thoughts. To that day, with Luca. And all the things that lead to being marked, if not the marking and the rejection itself.

“Did you want it?” Jackson asks, his voice tight. I can almost feel the tension over every muscle in his body.

I exhale slowly and hold his gaze. “I wanted to sleep with him. But I didn’t want the mark. Not yet.”

And then I tell him everything. I soften, where I can, the information that he doesn’t necessarily need – about how attracted I was to Luca, and precisely how much it hurt when his wolf attacked and he rejected me. These things, I sense, he doesn’t need the details of. But beyond that I tell him everything, wanting things to be an open book between us, wanting him to have it all.

And when I finish, Jackson tells me his side of the story. What it was like to have a Cadet burst into his and Rafe’s meeting with the Captain and tell Rafe he was desperately needed, and then seeing me there in the hall. His own pain and confusion has me weeping as silently as I can, not wanting to stop him from the story but unable to hold it back. But my mouth falls open when Jackson gives me the details about Luca – about chasing him down, and their fight, and then letting him go even though he left the Castle intending to kill.

“Oh, Jacks,” I say, pressing my hands to my chest and shaking my head at him. “I’m so sorry. I – I’ve been so bad and unfair, through all of this.”

He just frowns at me. “You’ve done what you had to do, Ariel. Your grandmother gave you two mates. Who the hell am I to do anything but try to deal with my jealousy in the face of a divine gift like that?”

I shake my head. “But I agreed – I told you both I’d choose one of you – Luca was right when he pointed out that I said I wouldn’t sleep with either of you before I made my choice – and I broke that –“

“That was a shit place to put you in in the first place,” Jacks murmurs, his head hanging a little. “We both…Ariel, as the weeks passed it was becoming increasingly obvious that a choice was going to be impossible. That Luca and I were just going to have to…deal with it. Find a way to live with each other.”

I gape at him. “Is that…is that seriously where your heart was?”

He raises his eyes to look at me. “Was being the important word here, Ariel. I wouldn’t share you with that jackass now for the world – he – he fucking deliberately put you in danger – he knows there are potentially others in this Castle who were trying to hurt you and he left you naked and alone with an open door –“

His words get angrier and angrier as they fall from his lips and I lean forward, putting a hand on his knee, stopping the tirade.

Nearly shaking with rage at the memory, Jacks takes a deep breath and nods to me, letting me know he’s got it back under control.

“But yes, before that?” he shrugs. “I was…finding a way. I don’t know. It felt right. Luca was…frustrating and difficult. I’d have rather shared you with someone like Tony, who was cooler and nicer and I think quite a wide margin smarter than Grant –“

I tilt my head to the side at this, curious about that thought process. Where on earth had that come from? Tony as my mate? Honestly, the idea is…ridiculous to me, even though Luca was jealous of him too, so some kind of romantic connectoin was clearly on his mind as well. But Jackson catches himself mid-harangue and clears his throat, drawing in a deep breath.

“Clearly,” I murmur, “you gave this some thought.”

“I mean, I didn’t like the idea of sharing you,” Jackson murmurs, slowly shaking his head as he holds my gaze. “But if that was your destiny?” Another shrug as he looks away into space, like he hated it but he was willing to bear it.

For me.

And suddenly my heart sinks as I realize just how precisely good he is. That Jackson – he’d take a half happiness, as long as it meant having me in his life.

I groan and crawl to him, unable to stand being apart anymore and pressing myself to his side. Jackson wraps his arm around me and pulls me close, taking a deep sniff of my hair.

“I’m very sorry,” I whisper, shaking my head. “I don’t think the Goddess’s gift was very fair to you, was it?”

“Any deal that comes with you attached, Ariel,” Jackson murmurs, “is the lion’s share of the riches. And I’m not just some poor orphan saying that – just some kid who’s never been loved taking whatever the world would give him. I’d say the same even if I were the Prince of Atalaxia, with all the world’s riches at my feet. You are worth it all, Ariel Sinclair.”

I sigh, thinking that it can’t possibly be true, but grateful instead to be so overwhelmingly loved.

And so I tell him, finally, of the extent of the Goddess’s gift. Of her command to me, that day in the magic classroom, to get all of my mates’ marks. That what he was moving towards was correct anyway, even if I hoped that the three of us would have time to get there on our own. Even if, apparently, we didn’t.

And then I apologize, profusely, for keeping it from him. But Jackson, as he so unendingly does, understands and works hard to see my side.

I can feel him thinking through it as he holds me close for a few moments, turning over the details of what the Goddess said, the consequences of what happened.

“So, what do you think?” he asks, his deep voice rumbling and low and contemplative. The back of his fingers barely graze the bandage still over the mark on my neck. “Do you think this is enough, that you’ve got his mark now? Or…do you think the Goddess is going to give you a replacement mate?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, shaking my head, kind of terrified at the idea. “I think we have to get Cora to call her up again and ask. I’m not sure how long I can stand not knowing.”

He nods, grumbling something.

But I bite my lip and sit up and face him again, my own hand moving hesitantly to the bandage over my neck. “You know this is…all for show, right?”

Jackson raises an eyebrow at me. “I know that your mother wouldn’t have let you leave that spa unless every inch of you was fully healed, if that’s what you mean.”

“Yes,” I say, shaking a bit. “But…I haven’t looked at it yet.”

“Do you think you’re ready?”

“Are you?” I ask, a bit wide-eyed.

Jackson smirks a little. “I can handle it.”

I turn my head a bit, my eyes narrowed at his confidence. “You aren’t going to barf again?”

A little laugh huffs from him, his eyes crinkling as he shakes his head no.

“How are you so confident?”

Jackson shrugs. “I’m good with it. I’ve made my peace. All parts of you are precisely that Ariel – parts of you. Which makes them beautiful to me, so.” He shrugs. “If you’re wearing that bandage for my sake, you don’t need to.”

Slowly, my fingers shaking slightly, I reach up and peel away the gauze from my neck, letting the bandage fall to my lap. When Jacks doesn’t even flinch, I turn my head to the side and let him see the full extent of Luca’s mark, high on my neck.

“Well?” I whisper, my wolf quailing a bit with the fear that he’ll change his mind. “What do you think?”