Chapter 116

Olivera

I knew even when I cocked my hand back on impulse that I didn't want to hurt her. The last thing I want to see is to watch Alyson cry, to see her in any pain or danger, but she weeps and bleeds because of my impulse. I want to pick her up and hold her, to kiss her endlessly, but she isn't my mate.

Instead, at the surprise of her stopping her mate from charging me, I step aside and push out of the conference room. I almost wish I had allies right now, or friends, just so I could be able to vent and hear some kind of support to what I have become while being in this pack's palace. I have no one, though, not even my wolf.

He hates me for hitting the Luna. It was a horrid mistake I regretted immediately.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit—" I mutter, pacing down the hall until I'm in the room I have been tossed in after escaping my barracks cell. I slam the door, falling to the ground and burying my shameful face into my hands. "I should just leave, dammit. I've fucked up."

I am trembling all over and if my wolf wasn't pissed at me, I would shift right here.

"Beth Inca-James," I mutter her name, picturing her in my head.

She was a beautiful wolf, spunky and a spitfire. She treated me like an Alpha far before I ever became one, even running away from our pack as young pups so we could be mates. She was my fated, my everything, and I will always compare every other wolf to her spectacular life.

She was everything I could have wanted in a mate and I lost her. I didn't protect her. I lost my entire world when she was taken from me, running to a nearby market to pick up some herbs when I came down with a cold. She left the safety of my side for me and it cost her the life she had lived beautifully by my side. Knowing now that she was pregnant; I sob harder.

Ryan

Alyson pushes me away when I try to help her get up. She is relentlessly upset, curled over on the floor, sobbing into her hands and practically screaming her cries. She hasn't been this upset in a long, long time and it burns me to see her like this, rejecting my help so she can live in this pain by herself.

I kneel on the floor beside her, taking every ounce of willpower in my body to not shift, run down the hall, and break that rogue's neck. I should do it anyways, when she calms down, but something tells me that would only upset her more. She loves hard, and she cares endlessly for the underdog, knowing that is the position she used to be in herself.

She finally looks up at me, a few drops of blood trailing off her chin and dripping to the floor. Her eyes are bloodshot, her energy depleted, and she gives up crying at last and instead takes to falling into my arms. I hold her over my lap, brushing her hair back and humming gently until she can finally breathe fully, uninterrupted by hysterics.

"Just breathe, darling. Everything is going to be okay."

"I should have never said a damn thing to him," she whimpers. "He wants to be angry. He wants someone to hate. It's not right, Ryan. It's such a difficult thing to overcome but you and I have been through our own hell and we prevailed. We got through it. Why can't he just see things clearly?"

"Some wolves just don't see things that don't align with what they want to see. He is blinded by pain and he wants to start war. He wants to blame the elders and hate them because that's just what he thinks will help him. Nothing will help him but the truth."

She wipes her eyes, clinging to my midsection as she lays propped up over my lap. "Fritz was right in what he told me. he had proof. And now the world is doomed."

I narrow a look down at her, perplexed. "What do you mean, doomed?"

"The Wilshire facility, Ryan. The wolves you set loose."

My heart skips a beat; then two. "They were all sick, weren't they?"

She nods somberly. "Yeah, they were. Wolves like us, the stronger breeds, we will be fine. The weak ones, the omega's and the younger wolves are the ones at risk of death. It won't end well, Ryan. We're looking at a lot of death."

"How do we fix this?" I ask.

She only shrugs, her pink, weary eyes filled with dread.

Alyson

I finally sleep through the night. It's been awhile since nightmares of my time in the barracks have plagued my sleep. I stay curled in the same spot all night, my head releasing the migraine that it holds, and finally feeling free of the stress that overwhelms my mind through the days since this whole ordeal began.

I dream of Ryan and I in the meadow, in love and free of every care in the world. I also dream of our future, getting to be a happy Luna and Alpha and growing our strong family with pups. It's been awhile since I've been able to think of such niceties and not feel fear over them. I just want it all to work out. As it will, of course.

It has to.

I turn over, half-asleep still, blinking slow to see Ryan awake and sitting up against the bedframe. His mind link is so chaotic in thought that he boots me out of his head by accident, so overwhelmed that there isn't any room for me to look in and hear his many, rushing thoughts.

"Hey," I breathe, seeing him not even flinch at the sound of my voice. "Hey, Ryan. Look at me, please." I reach out and grab his hand, holding it in both of mine.

He finally looks at me, forcing a grin. "Hey, darling. What's wrong? Nightmares?"

I shake my head. "No. For once, it was good dreams."

His smile turns genuine. "I'm happy to hear that."

"What about you?" I inquire. "What is going on with you?"

"I'm just worried for my pack. What if I got some of our wolves sick? I can't live with myself if anyone dies over what I did in haste. I thought I was doing something good and now—now I may have ruined everything."

"That is understandable, Ryan," I breathe. "But you did it thinking you were doing something right. You thought you were helping and that is all that matters."

"We are going to have to do damage control," he mutters. "It won't be easy."

"Nothing with us ever is," I joke.

For the first time in a while, we laugh, knowing that we have to climb another mountain, do the impossible one more time, and it will only drive us together closer in the end. Easy has never been our strength, anyways.