Chapter 12

Alyson's POV

"What should I feel?" I asked, avoiding looking at him. "You didn't answer my question." I had to know how badly he wanted my blood, and if he had some twisted motives for me to care for him only so that he could use me. Like Jacob had.

He was on a chair next to me, a piece of furniture that looked too small for him. He was leaning towards me, and I could feel his tawny eyes burrowing into me, wanting me to look back towards him. He reached out one of his large hands and touched my arm, pleading for me to look at him.

"Are you going to answer?" I asked.

"On that day I found you. I thought you were dead, but when I saw you move, it was as if my hopes came alive too. I couldn't believe that you'd survived, like me. Against some terrible odds. Other people wanted us dead, but we surpassed that fate." He said. I had never heard him talk so much.

It dawned on me that his family had betrayed him, like my sister had betrayed me. This impacted me most, as if someone else might be able to understand if I ever told him about Jennifer. I was wondering where he was going with this speech.

He continued, "You were so dirty and weak, with your wounds still oozing blood. I brought you home, carrying you instead of fainting from the smell of it. I didn't take any drop, or lick of blood. It felt like I was dying too, but I made myself realize how much worse you felt. I would not be a monster to take any more from you."

I could not know if he didn't on that day, I was too out of it. I had practically no memories, although from what Donna told me, and the genuine intonation of his voice, I wanted to believe it. But my nature compelled me to always be cautious, you can never really know a person till they betray you.

"Why did you save me yesterday?" He interrupted my thoughts. "I was harsh and I ran away from you, but you ran after me."

I thought of my panic when I'd found him. Of how I couldn't bear the thought of him dying, but I never wanted to admit that. "You saved me before, and now I saved you." I said.

"That's it? We're just even then?" His hand still touched my arm, it tingled, enhancing my awareness of his smell, so that I could smell him so deeply, and it was hard to focus on anything else.

I did not know what he wanted to hear, but I told him all I was willing to. I didn't even want to admit it again to myself that I was terrified that he might die. I shrugged a little, trying to hold back tears in my eyes. I wasn't even sure why I might cry; it was not as if he was hurting me, it was more like confusion.

"You're my mate. I fell in love with you on the first day, and it only grows. I hoped that you'd recover and feel it too, maybe you were too injured to know it right away. I thought you must've started to feel something and that's why you saved me." He confessed.

"What? No, I'm mateless!" I said, the forcefulness of my tone a sharp contrast to his soft words. I looked at him then. My purple eyes staring straight into his bright tawny eyes, he looked eager. He was telling me to see if I might admit to it. As soon as my words hit him, he pulled back a little, his expression darkening.

"I don't know why your wolf can't feel it, but I can't be wrong. I've never felt this before." He said. His focus was harder now, as if trying to see through my body into my heart. This time he traced his hand down my arm, and I shivered, all the hairs on my body standing on end.

I stood up from the chair to create some distance between us. "Enough of this," I said. I was crying then, I couldn't-not with another Alexander, what trick of the Moon Goddess was this? She promised that I would not have a mate. Could I not trust her promises? Or anyone's?

It hurt when I looked back at him. He still was in the chair, looking smaller than I'd ever seen him. He looked shocked. "What happened to you?"

He hadn't asked me yet. I shook my head. "I can't."

"I told you what happened to me."

"That was your choice."

He sighed. "When you're ready, maybe someday you'll tell me? It might help you."

"I doubt it." I was crying then, more confused, feeling betrayed again by the Moon Goddess and her intentions. I could not believe she'd delivered me to another Alexander, and he thought we were mates! It seemed terribly unfair.

I just wanted to learn to fight from him. I didn't want any more.

"You can't have feelings for me," I told him strictly. "I don't want you to. I have to have revenge, and I don't have time to pursue love and happiness. I'm doomed to a fate that I don't understand, but that's fine as long as I get my revenge. So just leave it be, let's never talk like this again."

His stricken face looked panicked, "Doomed? You already escaped death once. I won't let anything happen to you. I want no harm to come to you as long as I stand. Rupert and I will kill whoever you tell us, kill an entire family if it takes that, if you tell us who they are."

"I don't want to talk about that right now. Can we just focus on training and fighting?" I said, pleading. It was ironic, the families he spoke of were his family, and my own sister.

Despite his frustration, he took a deep breath. "I understand you. Don't you think when my family cast me out to die that I felt I could never trust anyone again?"

His words were so aligned with me, that it surprised me.

He continued, "I was ten, but I learned a lot for myself. I also learned that while it's better to not trust most, and surely not without question, people can win your heart and trust over time."

I thought of Donna and Michael. "But you seem to trust me right away," I contradicted him.

"That's because…"

I could tell he was about to talk about being mates again, so I waved him off, "Please, spare me any more talk of love and mates. I can't. It's not me. You must be mistaken."

He grumbled something more, but I ignored it, not wanting to acknowledge what he might say. Still, I wondered if I could possibly trust anyone with my story. I wasn't sure yet how I might get revenge. Perhaps this was part of the Moon Goddess plan that I use an Alexander to get back to the Alexanders, and take my revenge.

It was a terrifyingly bold thought that made much more sense than anything he'd said. Carefully, I chose my next words, "I appreciate that you took me in, and took care of me. I want to continue learning from you, and training with you. I would be a loyal friend, staff member, or whatever role might be useful, and maybe over time, I can trust you with my story. But we can never be mates or lovers."

He tilted his head thoughtfully and I almost thought I witnessed a tiny shred of hope that he gathered from the words I'd intended to shut down that hope.

I don't love him. I told myself. I can't love him.