Chapter2

He froze for a split second. He didn't answer.

I didn't push.

That night, I lay awake until dawn.

So many things I'd never been able to make sense of suddenly fell into place.

The day of the accident, Ethan had taken his sailboat out alone.

The Coast Guard found the boat capsized. They never found him.

Lucas was the last person to see him. He said he'd watched a wave sweep Ethan overboard.

Six months later, based on his testimony, a court declared Ethan legally dead.

I never got to see him one last time. There was nothing of him left to hold.

At the funeral, the casket stayed closed the entire time. It was empty.

The day I got the news, I collapsed on the kitchen floor. I didn't have the strength to ask a single question.

Later, when I wanted to see where it happened, Lucas talked me out of it. "It's just water, Ella. It'll only make it worse."

My mom said the same thing. "He's gone. What good does asking do now?"

The next day, in a daze, I went to the flower shop Sophie used to love.

The owner recognized me and smiled. "You're Sophie's best friend, aren't you?"

"Her husband was just in yesterday, ordering her a bouquet."

My stomach dropped. I kept my voice light.

"Do they come in often?"

"Not so much anymore. A few years back, we delivered to them all the time—an hour's drive, too. Busiest was right after the little boy was born. Her husband even drove over to pick them up himself a few times. He really dotes on her."

Right after the little boy was born.

Surrounded by all those flowers, I felt the room start to spin.

When I got home, Lucas was already there.

Soup was simmering on the stove. My pills were waiting on the table.

Everything was exactly the way it had always been. So calm, you'd think nothing had happened.

Then his phone rang.

He glanced at it and headed for the balcony.

In that split second, I saw the name on the screen.

Sophie.

My breath caught. Whatever tiny shred of hope I'd been holding on to shattered.

I didn't hesitate.

While he was out on the balcony, I walked out the front door.

This time, I was going to see it with my own eyes.

See exactly how Ethan had betrayed me.

See how Sophie could live in my place without a shred of guilt.

I followed the delivery address from the flower shop. An hour's drive later, I was in Providence, Rhode Island, standing outside their apartment building.

But the first person I saw out front was my mother.

She was carrying two big bags of baby supplies.

The doorman smiled and nodded at her, like she was a regular.

In that moment, the last thread holding me together snapped.

I followed her up to the same floor.

The elevator doors opened onto a quiet hallway.

My mom walked right up to the door and knocked, like she'd done it a hundred times.

The door opened almost immediately.

It was Ethan.

I forgot how to breathe.

He was in sweats, a little girl on his hip.

Her cheeks were flushed like she'd been crying. The second she saw my mom, she reached out her arms and squealed, "Grandma Carol!"

My ears rang. I couldn't move.

My mom scooped her up, bouncing her. "Is Lily's fever down?"

Ethan stepped aside to let her in and took the bags from her hands.

"Sophie just got Noah down. She's in the back."

He said her name so easily.

The door didn't close right away.

I could see into the living room. A blanket draped over the couch. A bottle on the coffee table. Building blocks scattered across the rug. In the corner, a balloon arch that read "Welcome, Noah."

It was the picture of a perfect home.

The home I'd wanted for so many years. Everyone knew it. And I was never allowed to have it.

Sophie came out from the back and took Lily from my mom's arms.

She was in loungewear, her hair in a loose knot, still soft with sleep.

Ethan reached over and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

I grabbed the wall to keep from going down.

When my hair used to fall in my face while I cooked, he'd tuck it back just like that.

When my scarf came loose in winter, he'd bend down and fix it.

All the tenderness I'd thought belonged only to me, he was giving to another woman now.

And that woman was my best friend.

My mom settled onto the couch with Lily, beaming, going on about the baby food she'd picked up and the little suit she'd brought for Noah to wear at the party tomorrow.

The nanny poked her head out of the kitchen to ask if anyone wanted soup.

Ethan went to get some water. Sophie bent down to talk to her daughter.

It was all so complete.

So complete that, standing outside that door, I was the one who didn't belong.

The tears came. I didn't even bother wiping them away.

I turned and walked back toward the elevator.

That's when my phone rang.

It was Lucas.