Chapter 4

Lotus POV

I look around the bedroom, not daring to make eye contact with the man standing in the doorway. He may look harmless, but if there is anything life has taught me, it is that the ones who look innocent are the biggest monsters.

When I was seven, one of my uncles came to visit. He wore a fake smile and pretended to be kind. His wife had been taken by the lycan alphas at the same time my mother had been. He pretended to be heartbroken, and my father took pity on him, offering him a place to stay. The first night, he came into my room and continued to do so for months afterwards. I didn't tell. I had stopped talking years before his first visit.

One night, my father found him in my room. He dragged him into the hallway and snapped his neck. It was the only time I had seen my father become violent. I was both grateful and terrified at what I had seen. My fear only grew when my father marched back into my room and pulled me toward my uncle's lifeless body.

"This is what happens when people know you are a girl."

He didn't comfort me or tell me it would be okay. Instead, together, we pulled my uncle's body from our house and dropped him in a nearby river. His body didn't sink to the bottom. It floated on the waves, but if it ever washed ashore, no one came for us. Maybe no one cared that a man like my uncle was dead.

After that night, I stopped fighting my new identity. My father called me Thomas, and no one questioned it. Now, I can't even remember what my name was before. It isn't like it matters; the Winter Alphas will call me whatever they please, and I will be forced to comply.

The man at the door clears his throat and steps farther into the room. Holding up my hands, I back away from him, but he isn't paying attention to me.

"You will find clothes in this closet more suited to the Winter Pack than what you have on. There is an adjoining bathroom through that door, and this bell will alert me whenever you need anything."

He flits around the room, opening and shutting cabinets and doors, explaining what is behind each. I can't focus on anything but the massive bed in the center room. It is so large I doubt it would fit in my old room. The blankets look warm and inviting, and I find my eyes growing heavy.

I reach for the blankets, but the man clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth. "You are dirty, and the sheets are clean. You may go to bed after you've had a shower."

My cheeks flush with embarrassment, and I quickly tuck my hands inside my pockets. I keep my eyes focused on the ground, not wanting to see the look on the man's face. We stand in silence for what seems like forever, until he inches his way toward the door. I spare him a glance and see that his eyes are fixated on me.

"My name is Maximus, but you can call me Max. What is your name?"

My eyebrows knit together, and I shake my head. It is the same as I have always done. Usually, people get the message and leave me alone, but Max isn't budging. I tap the base of my throat, hoping he will get the message that I am unable to speak, but as I do, tears well up in my eyes. My chest begins to heave with silent sobs, and finally Max slips from the room.

Looking back at the bed, I wrinkle my nose in frustration, but I know Max is right. I am dirty, and the wetness of the blood between my legs is beginning to soak through my pants. I would ruin the sheets if I were to climb into the bed right now.

I step inside the bathroom and begin to strip off my clothes. Piece by piece, layer by layer, I drop them onto the floor until all that remains is the binding around my chest. My fingers tug at the laces as I struggle to pull myself free. I can't remember the last time I have taken it off, but now that I have the opportunity, it feels suffocating. With a final tug and a silent scream, the laces snap in two and the binding falls to the ground.

Pressing my hand between my breasts, I focus on taking in a deep breath. The cool air of the bathroom burns my lungs, but I don't have time to dwell on the pain. I step into the ridiculously large shower and turn on the water. Unlike at home, the water is already warm when it leaves the tap, and I stand beneath it, letting it soak into my skin.

The water turns brown at my feet, making it look as if I had never showered a day in my life before. Not wanting to be caught in here longer than necessary, I scrub my body with the soaps provided, but I can't seem to get myself clean. No matter how hard I dig the washcloth into my skin, I can't get the stench of the city off my body.

Forgetting that I am in a hurry, I sink to the floor of the shower. Drawing my knees to my chest, I let myself cry. I scream silently into my hands, and my whole body trembles with the weight of what my life has become. I told my father I didn't want to go to the Summer Solstice Celebration. My gut told me something bad would happen, and I am in the claws of the beast. My only escape from the hell that I will most certainly endure is death.

"Lotus," one of the Alphas calls through the door. "Are you okay?"

Panic floods my senses as I peek out of the shower and see the doorknob is beginning to turn. In my rush to get clean for bed, I forgot to lock the door.