Chapter 150

Justin’s POV

“I never wanted my lycan to have control,” I snarled.

My lycan’s claws came back out. I tucked them under my armpits. I didn’t want Russo to be wrong. I wanted to be able to control my beast. So I wasn’t going to let him see that I was starting to get out of control.

“See,” he said, pointing to my hidden claws. “Like right now. You’re irritated with me, and he’s angry because he doesn’t take perceived insults well. That agreement between the two of you allows him to get the upper hand. I think, at least in some small measure, those times when he ran completely out of control, both of you were feeling at least somewhat the same.”

“Interesting.” My claws pulled back in, and I ran my hand through my hair. “So you think that if I’m angry and he is angry, it gives him an open door to do whatever he wants and run away with me?”

“Yes,” Russo said. “So you have to find a way to be calm even when your lycan is all worked up. That way, you can keep him from running amok while you handle whatever situation is in front of you.”

He shot me a sly smile. “It’s the same sort of relationship we were just talking about between you and Helen.”

“I don’t see that it’s anything the same,” I said.

“No. It is,” Russo countered. “Imagine that your lycan is you, and you are Helen, for my comparison. You are giving control to your lycan. If your ideas and thoughts align even slightly, you just step back and say, ‘Well, I’m going to give the power to the strong person in this relationship,’ and then that stronger person takes it and runs away with it.”

“Today, Helen took the first steps to take back at least part of the control in her own life,” Russo continued. “She’s told you her limits and told you that she’s not going to continue stepping over them to make you happy. Because it’s clearly not working, so why should she keep it up?”

“You need to do the same thing with your lycan,” he advised. “You have to find a way to set the boundaries and be in charge from there. Tell him where the line ends, and then don’t cross it for him. Don’t let him take control just because you’re upset as well.”

“You are both incredibly annoying and surprisingly wise,” I told Russo. “Let’s go back and let’s see Helen. We’ll tell her what I’m going to do with myself.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” I snarled.

“Because you might have some idea what’s wrong and how to fix it, but you’re not even close to being ready to deal with her. One of two things is going to happen. Either you’re going to get irritated, and your lycan is going to take over, and you’re going to hurt her yet again. Or you will make a mess of trying to explain your partnership when you don’t even know what you want from her as a partner.”

“If what you want isn’t blind obedience, then before you go talk to her, you need to decide what to request of her. Otherwise, how else is she supposed to actually do it? When your request is vague, it will end up like her attempts to convince you of the truth about the stabbing. The reason she is so frustrated and so hurt is that every time she finds a way to prove the truth to you, you turn around and tell her it isn’t enough and that she needs to prove the truth. So the poor girl is left wondering what exactly the truth you’re looking for is. If the truth isn’t the truth, then how is she supposed to prove the truth? That’s probably more frustrating than the fact that you were hurt by her betrayal in the first place.”

“Of course, I was hurt by her betrayal.”

Russo gave me a knowing nod. “Anybody would have been. That’s why I said I would never disagree that she hurt you. She stabbed you in the back with a poisoned knife. Under someone else’s control or not doesn’t really matter, at least not as far as your feelings are concerned.”

“You are naturally going to feel betrayed. You are naturally going to feel hurt. You are naturally going to feel mistrustful.” Here Russo turned a stern look on me. “What’s not natural is treating her like a prisoner. Especially after the proof you’ve requested is in front of your face.”

“If you’re so smart, tell me what the natural response should be.”

“The natural response is to tell her that you’re hurt. Tell her that you believe her proof, and you still can’t help but flinch away from her at the memory of the night. Helen will understand. How long did her parents abuse her? As much as she wanted love from them, do you think she ever approached them without flinching away from the anger that might be coming at her? She knows that feeling. Sharing that feeling with her will validate everything you feel without making her feel like you can’t see the truth.”

“Huh. I never thought about it like that.”

“She has told you, she’s told me, she’s even told Dylan that she understands you need time to heal. Helen knows her truth has to sink in, and you have to internalize it and digest it before you can apply it to her. But to keep denying the truth that’s what cuts your mate away from you. Maybe that and the chains . . . in the basement . . . like a prisoner.”

I brought both hands to my face and groaned. “I’ve really fucked things up, haven’t I?”

“There’s very little in life that can’t be fixed aside from death,” Russo chirped. “And since neither of you has actually killed the other one, you can still fix what’s between you. But you keep telling me and her and Dylan and everybody else who will listen that it’s your mate’s job to make you heal. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. You have to be in charge of your own emotions and your own feelings, and your own healing. The best she can do is what she’s been trying to do all the way up to this point.”

“She has not.” I got angry again. “Every turn, she’s running off and looking for danger and not doing what I told her to do.”

“And we’re back to the painting on the wall. You told her to sit and look pretty and do nothing. She’s a luna who is meant to be out and active amongst their pack, and you’ve asked her to completely forget her duties to the pack and everyone else in favor of just sitting pretty for you. How would you feel if someone told you to do nothing.”

“I’d feel like they were treating me like my father.”

“Exactly,” the fairy said, fluttering his wings. “Treating her exactly the way your father treated you. He locked you in a room and told you that you were his son and his prince, and he loved you. But you weren’t allowed to do anything.”

I put my face in my hands and groaned a second time. “How do I fix this?” I asked. “How do I even go about trying to repair this damage?”