Chapter 152

Helen’s POV

Randy looked so frustrated and helpless that it made me uncomfortable. “I know you can’t override the alpha,” I soothed. “I'm not blaming you.”

He looked at me sadly. “I know you're not, but from the time that you came back from captivity with your parents and his father, I've wanted to do more. I've tried the skirt around Justin's orders at every turn, but I still feel horribly guilty like I let you down.”

Randy waved his hand, indicating the house. “This house . . . this is how I make it up to you. This is how I do my best to help you when I should have helped you before. I shouldn't have allowed Justin to chain you up like that. At the very least, I should have argued for confining you to the bedroom upstairs. There was no reason for you to be in chains in the dungeon like some sort of criminal.”

“But you're always saying that I stabbed him,” I pointed out. “It seemed like you were taking his side.”

“It's not his side,” Randy corrected. “I just . . . I guess I wanted you to understand the way that he feels too. While I never blamed you, it doesn't mean that you didn't do what you did. It just means that there was a reason for your actions. Sometimes people break the law, and they have good reasons for it, but then they have to pay for it when the time comes. I don't see that this situation is really any different, but I don't think his punishments fit your crime. Does that make sense?”

I nodded. “So what do I do now?”

Randy pointed to the door and stood. “We go inside, and we get you settled, and then you wait.”

He took my hands and looked me straight in the eye. “I mean it, Helen. Wait for me to talk to Justin. I’ll try to get a real conversation going between the two of you so you can start making amends. But he is going to have a hard time swallowing the fact that you’ve taken your own house. When he gets back and see it for himself, it’s going to hit as real in a way I doubt he gets right now.”

Randy’s expression stayed deadly serious. “But if Justin comes to talk to you about all this and you're not here, I don't know that I'll be able to control him. I don't know that you'll be able to control him. It may just push him over the edge. Can you stay here for me?” He continued staring at me earnestly. “Can you wait patiently until after I've had a chance to explain your reasoning to Justin?”

“I can.”

He shook his head and squeezed my hands hard. “That's not good enough, Helen. I need a promise, something that tells me that you're not going to make an impulsive decision. I understand what you've been trying to accomplish, why you've gone out of your rooms or the house or whatever. But sometimes the best course of action is patiently waiting, and this is one of those times.”

“My advice to you, as your friend, as your mate’s beta is to please, please stay here and let me handle this.”

“I can't wait forever,” I said. “I can't sit back and do nothing while the pixies are slaughtered.”

“They might already be slaughtered,” he pointed out. “You don't know what you're running into. You're going in blind, without any backup, in the hope that you're going to save the pixies. I'm asking you to wait and go in with more assurance that you can save the pixies.”

“How is talking to Justin going to do that?”

“I'm going to try and help him see reason on the pixie issue, as well. If he's going to give you enough control of your life to live in a house, then he's got to understand that part of that control comes with the ability to take action when you think you need to, as a luna and as a grown adult.”

“I guess.” A pout snuck up on my face.

“I'm not saying it's right, but Justin's childhood left him with a very poor model for how to behave in the outside world and how to interact with people. He never really interacted with anyone except for me when he was in captivity. So this is all new for him. He's just learning how to be a functional adult.”

Randy looked at me hard. “And I can't say that you are coming from a much better situation. You are still learning how to function without being underneath someone's thumb. Take this slow, be patient, and do it correctly. You'll help more people, including the pixies, if you handle this with intelligence rather than haste.”

I nodded at his good sense. “All right, I promise. I swear on the moon goddess that I will wait here, at least for a little while, until you can get a chance to talk to Justin.”

“No,” he said. “We need to be clear on what ‘a little while’ is before I agree to that. I need you to give me three days.”

“Three days?” I yelped. “But the pixies could be gone by then.”

“And they could be gone now,” he said. “You give me three days, and then whatever you choose to do after that, if I haven't secured Justin's help and agreement, I will turn a blind eye to.”

“Really?” I said.

He nodded. “I'll even distract Justin long enough for you to get away and do what you feel you need to do. But give me those three days. Let me find out if there isn't something that we can do for the pixies as a pack.”

I looked at the front door of the house and shuddered. “Who did this belong to?” I asked.

Randy shook his head. “I'm not going to tell you that. I don't think it's in your best interest to know. I don't think it helps anything for you to mourn the person who should have been living here. Instead, you need to focus on rebuilding your life so that you can be the best luna for our pack.”

“What am I going to find when I go inside?” I asked nervously.

“Nothing worrisome, I promise,” he said, grabbing the door knob and opening the door for me. “After I located this place, I had some of the warriors come in and remove any personal effects which might be unpleasant for you or bring up bad memories.”

“Was it somebody that I knew?”

He pushed me inside the house. “I told you, we're not going there. You are going to focus on healing what's between you and Justin. Nothing else.”

I nodded in agreement and entered the house. The inside had been purged of any other wolf’s smell. Instead, the scent of cleaning products and something floral scented the air.

I looked around. It was a cozy little place. Not necessarily done up to my taste, but as soon as that thought entered my mind, I realized I had no idea what my taste was. I had never had a place of my own.

Before I met Justin, my parents’ entire house was done according to their wishes. If I had so much as even tried to choose for myself the blankets that I slept with on the floor, someone would have come and ripped them out from under me and given me something else instead, something that they deemed worthy of me.

After that, it was Justin's taste, and then we were on the run, and I'd never really had a home. I turned to Randy.

“Is this really going to be my home? Can I do whatever I want with it?”

He looked at me with sympathy clear on his face. “This is all yours, my sweet luna. You may do whatever you want with it. Be whoever you want while you're in here.”

At that, I realized that I didn't know who I was. It was more than just not knowing what my taste in decorating was. I'd never been without somebody telling me what to do, what to wear, even what to eat. First, my parents told me what to do, so I obeyed. Then my alpha, Justin, told me what to do.

But here in this little haven, I could do whatever Helen wanted to do. What a strange thought that was. I turned back to Randy.

“What do I do now?”

He laughed and waved his hand around the house. “Whatever you want, my dear luna. Whatever you want.”