Chapter 1

At eighteen, I gave my virginity to Hunter in his bed.

I swallowed all the pain and hesitation, naively believing that three years of a pathetic crush had finally earned my way into his heart.

Until the next morning, when I heard his teammates' unabashed mockery:

"Damn, you finally bagged the nerd? How was it?"

Hunter scoffed, his tone dripping with utter contempt.

"Just messing around. If I'm bringing a real girlfriend out, it's gotta be someone on Serena's level—head cheerleader."

I wordlessly opened my college application portal, deleted the garbage local state school I had picked just to stay with him, and changed it back to Yale.

He confidently thought I would follow him blindly, until he video-called me on opening day and completely lost his mind seeing who was beside me: his own stepbrother.

.....

Just as I reached the landing of the stairs, the raucous laughter from the living room below nailed me to the spot.

"Damn, finally test-drove the goods?" his teammate sneered loudly. "How's the nerd with her collar permanently buttoned to the top in the sack?"

Hunter didn't answer, offering only a low, contemptuous chuckle. A second later, he tapped a video on his phone and cranked the speaker volume to the max.

"No... Hunter, it hurts a little."

A tearful plea mingled with suppressed, heavy panting—my voice, exploding with crystal clarity into the living room.

"I won't show you the video," Hunter said, his tone flippant. "But you can listen to the audio."

"Fuck! That moan is so slutty!"

"That pink lace is practically nothing. You told her to wear it and she actually did it?"

"Send the video to the group chat! Don't just play the audio!"

"Fuck off," Hunter laughed lazily. "You think I'm running a free porn site?"

My stomach violently churned. I bit down hard on the back of my hand, the metallic taste of blood instantly flooding my mouth.

"So, you taking the nerd to the tailgate tonight?" someone egged him on.

"Are you out of your mind?" Hunter made no effort to hide his disdain. "I wouldn't be caught dead bringing her to something like that. If I'm bringing someone, it's gotta be someone on Serena's level."

"Aren't you worried the nerd's gonna lose it and run off?"

"Run where?" Hunter let out a mocking sneer. "For me, she deleted Yale from her application list and only kept the local state school. Besides following me around like a stray dog, she has nowhere else to go."

My heart violently contracted, the blood freezing in my veins.

I looked down at the pink lace clinging to my body.

A cold draft swept up the stairs, instantly turning last night's honeyed sweetness into a blade that flayed every ounce of my self-esteem alive.

"I'm gonna go upstairs and see if she's awake." Hunter's footsteps started toward the stairs.

In a panic, I snatched an oversized hoodie draped over the banister, threw it over myself, and bolted into the storage closet.

I slid down the wall to the ice-cold floor, tears violently spilling over, not daring to make a sound.

The "affection" I thought I had received over the past three years flashed through my mind like a film reel, now baring its incredibly ugly fangs.

The parking lot after school.

Pinning me hard against his truck door, kissing me breathless, his thumb wiping the corner of my lips: "Don't hide. Let those idiots see you're mine."

The library during lunch break.

Trapping my waist from behind in a blind spot between bookshelves, his hand shamelessly slipping under the hem of my pleated skirt.

And the party corners. Deliberately tilting alcohol into my mouth, his thumb suggestively rubbing my damp lower lip.

Listening to the catcalls around us, he smiled meaningfully: "Ignore them. Just look at me."

I thought it was favoritism, an unspoken possessiveness.

Only now did I completely understand: that wasn't love at all. It was just Hunter inch by inch devouring my boundaries in public—a sick exercise in submission to show off to his crew.

My body, which I had surrendered out of deep, genuine love, was just a trophy to him—something to be casually passed around and critiqued.

I pulled out my phone, forcing myself to stop shaking.

Texts from Hunter.

[Awake?]

[If you want more, come find me.]

[Got a party tonight, you're not invited. Catch an Uber home.]

[Don't forget to buy Plan B. Be a good girl, don't cause me any trouble.]

No aftercare, no warmth. The tone was exactly how you'd dismiss a cheap, on-call sex toy.

I fled back to my own apartment. Terrified of running into anyone who might recognize me, I didn't go to the pharmacy.

I ordered the birth control online.

After the delivery guy hung the paper bag on my doorknob and left, I waited a full ten minutes before cracking the door open to grab it.

The chalky pill scraped down my throat, the sharp, physical sting bringing me an unprecedented sense of clarity.

In the dead silence, that sickening audio recording took root in my brain, playing on an endless loop.

My phone screen lit up with my best friend Lily's name.

I hit answer.

"Chloe! You are literally insane! Did you seriously drop Yale for that quarterback?" Lily's furious voice blasted through the speaker.

I opened my dry mouth but couldn't make a sound.

"Look at this!" Without missing a beat, Lily flipped her camera to show the tablet next to her.

On the screen was a tailgate hype video currently exploding on Snapchat.

Serena was straddling Hunter's lap. They were pressed flush together, Hunter's hands boldly kneading her waist.

"Everyone naturally assumes they're the official couple!" Lily's eyes were red with anger. "Hunter is a meathead all-star who'd be a nobody outside of this town! You cannot throw Yale away for a piece of trash like him!"

I stared at the darkened screen of the party video, my heart clenching one last time.

Three years of pathetic longing and anxiety turned to ash in that very second.

I dragged my laptop over and logged into the Common App.

Staring at the local state school application I had compromised on for Hunter, the agony of ripping my past away from my flesh engulfed me.

Sucking in a breath to hold back my tears, I hit Delete with a single click.

Then, in the empty college search bar, I added Yale and confirmed my Early Action submission.

I heard my calm voice: "Lily, we're going to Yale together."