CHAPTER FIVE

He had dirt covering pretty much every inch of his clothing, from his bright yellow T-shirt to his long black pants. The dirt on his face made him appear a tint darker than his usual olive tone, and dust littered his deep brown hair. I could tell he had been working quite hard today. If his messy appearance wasn’t enough to convince me, the dark circles beneath his blue eyes were a sure tell-tale sign.

“Hey, my love, how was work today?” I asked, trying to sound interested and less annoyed than I was feeling.

“It was quite tame today,” he replied stiffly, pecking me on the cheek.

We had been married for one year, and I could count the number of real kisses he had given me since our wedding, including the one at the altar. He was never affectionate to begin with, so I knew what I was getting into. We had only ‘slept together’ three times, five if you counted before the wedding. I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I did love him, but I didn’t feel I loved him as much as I should.

I cleared my throat loudly and dramatically looked down at his shoes, pointing towards them with both hands.

He looked down at them, then back at me with a sheepish, guilty grin while scratching the back of his neck. Without saying another word, he removed them where he stood and, after muttering a quiet “sorry”, carried them to the front door and placed them outside.

I then watched him plonk himself down on the lounge and turn on the TV to watch some fishing show.

I shook my head, rolled my eyes, and turned back to finish making dinner.

Taking a few quiet breaths to calm myself, I wondered what the point of speaking to him was when nothing ever changed.

Once dinner was ready, I started plating up the wraps and getting them ready to take to the dining table. I picked them up and started walking towards the dining area when another dizzy spell hit, but this time something else came with it.

It felt as though I had inhaled raw flames.

My chest began burning, and it felt like something was squeezing my diaphragm. The pain was so intense that I lost my grip on the plate. It crashed to the ground, shattering, and food scattered across the floor.

I clutched my chest, trying to ease the pain.

“Adam,” I tried to call out as loudly as possible.

Looking towards him, I saw he was already on his feet, concern written across his face.

I looked down and saw the floor getting closer.

Closing my eyes, I prepared for impact and thought of Riley.

I can’t leave him like this.

I know I want to die, but not yet. I still have to raise Riley and make sure he grows into a strong, healthy, and loving man. What will become of him without me?

My thoughts became crowded with Riley and all the moments I would miss—his birthdays, graduations, marriage, and possible children. I was supposed to be there when his first love broke his heart. I was supposed to be there when he learned to spell and write his name, and for his first bike ride without training wheels. I needed to be there when he got his learner’s licence and to teach him how to drive.

I was going to miss so much.

And it would make him so sad.

What if his father didn’t remind him about me as he grew older? What if he forgot I had ever existed?

Please let me live.

I can’t let Riley grow up depressed like me.

Memories began flashing through my mind.

My mum teaching me to ride a bike at four.

Birthdays with Kristy.

My father’s best friend abusing me for the first time when I was six.

My parents yelling at me for trying to tell them what was happening.

The bullying from my peers.

Kristy knocking out my bully at the bus stop.

My failed relationships, most of them controlling and abusive.

Then came the memories of Riley, from when he was just a tiny bean in my belly until now.

I was dying.

With a real purpose.

I was being permanently removed from Riley’s life.

From Kristy’s life.

I should have listened to her earlier, but it was too late.

Goodbye, world.

The pain stopped as suddenly as it had begun. I didn’t think I had hit the floor when I should have either. Did Adam catch me, or did I just die?

Death is so quiet.

I slowly opened my eyes and found myself staring at a white ceiling with a dim light in the centre. I was lying on my back. I was sure I had fallen forwards.

Moving my eyes around as far as I could, I quickly realised this was not my house.

I sat up and saw a white and grey marble kitchen counter. Looking around further, I spotted a large television and a grey sofa.

Then I noticed the man.

I jumped back in surprise.

He wore a white turtleneck T-shirt and grey sweatpants. His black hair was shaved on the sides, while the longer section was tied loosely into a bun. He sat on the sofa with a book in one hand and the other pressed against his chest. He looked just as startled as I felt.

This man looked so familiar.

I squinted slightly before it hit me.

“Mèng Chénxī,” I said quietly.

How on earth did I get here?

I must be dreaming.

We sat there staring at each other in shock and confusion for several moments before I finally gathered the courage to speak.

“H-how did I get here?” I stuttered nervously.

He tilted his head slightly, as though studying me.

“Do you know English?” I asked.

He nodded.

The grief of everything that had just happened finally reached my brain, and thoughts of Riley came flooding back. Pulling my knees to my chest, I felt tears begin to well in my eyes.

How will I get home to my boy?

Am I actually dead?

Is this my afterlife?

My baby will grow up without me.

The thoughts repeated over and over, and the tears began to fall.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Chénxī said in what I believed was a comforting tone. His accent was fairly strong, making it a little difficult to tell.

He set his book aside and slowly walked towards me. He seemed unsure whether approaching me was a good idea, but seeing that I remained still, he continued.

When he reached me, I watched his hand move towards me.

I flinched.

He immediately pulled it back and lowered it to his side.

After a moment’s hesitation, he sat down on the floor beside me instead.

“Y-you just appeared here… out of nowhere,” he said.

I looked up, my eyes meeting his deep brown orbs in confusion.

“What do you mean I just appeared out of nowhere?” I asked, confused.