Behind Lust & Lies

Jodie

"No, Mom. There's no other job that can pay as much as this one."

"But Jodie, why do you need to disguise yourself as a man? Is this place dangerous?" She looks at my attire for what feels like the hundredth time, from the black loose-fitted boyfriend jeans to my relaxed-fit short-sleeved work shirt.

"Mom, we talked about this. Many times already."

I am getting impatient with Mom. I have told her time and time again that we needed the job, that our neighbor, my new best friend, Billy Nolan, had been kind enough to give me a job at his place of work as a bartender. But only if I was willing to dress as a man cause at that time, it was the only available vacancy. Since then, I have been stuck with a new identity. However, I am not complaining since the money I bring home has been enough to pay our bills and put food on the table.

Since Dad's disappearance two years ago, we have been struggling to survive. Gone was the house, the cars, the friends, and relatives who flocked when we had money. I barely graduated high school, but I did. However, it doesn't matter much since I can't afford to go to college. Not when I have to worry about Mom's health and my little sister's ballet lessons. At nine years old Miley has become a very talented little ballerina and I will do anything to make my sister happy even if I have to work a twelve hours shift to pay for the expensive ballet shoes that she had overgrown.

"I know, pumpkin. I just...I wish I could help out."

"I love you, Mom, I don't want you to push yourself. You help plenty around the house. You help by being a stay-at-home Mom for little Miley, just like Dad would want you to." Yeah, she still thinks highly of Dad, thinking that one day he'll come back and everything will once again be back to normal. This is when I usually play along with her dreamy imagination just to get her to calm down so I can continue to worry for the rest of us.

I have let go of my dreams, I have accepted my situation which is to be the backbone of our little family. I will puff my chest and be proud of myself knowing at twenty, I am managing to carry the financial burden while keeping a happy face in front of Mom and little Miley.

"Jordan, get the busboy to get the new shipment from the back,"

"On it, boss," I yelled out to Billy, sending out my manly grin and making him laugh at me. Between us, Billy has helped me a lot and I will forever be indebted to him.

"Yo! Zak, you heard the boss. Get your ass and unload the new shipment from the back. You good, dude? Do you need my help?" I offered though I know Zak will most likely shoo me away so he can work in peace.

Okay, without sounding condescending, Zak has this look about him, as if he's too afraid to get close to me. Maybe it's the thin layer of foundation, dark eyeliner and lipgloss. This is my disguise, it was Billy's brilliant idea to push me as a feminine guy. My tall frame passes me as a guy easily, and my hair tucked low in a lazy man-bun. I just needed to tape my breasts and wear a bigger size shirt and slip socks on my crotch though I made sure it was a small one, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention when I couldn't afford to get noticed then kicked out the door. Billy laughed and gave me his approval for the not-so-impressive bulge I am now supporting between my legs.

"How's Mrs. H?" Billy asks when he's beside me, helping with the prep.

"Mom is being Mom, I guess. She worries. But hey, as long as I come home and pay the bills she's less worried. Yesterday, she was back to pestering me about finding the time to date. So, Billy my man, my boss, my bestie whom I'm forever indebted to, would you please...like really...really please be my date for whenever you feel like picking me up for a nice dinner, my treat?"

The man laughs and tells me he'll be honored to take me on a date. "As long as you're paying. I'm not one of those chauvinist guy who insist on paying for their dates."

I snort telling him that he's a cheap bastard. "But I love you dearly anyway." I kiss his cheek, right on time when Zak comes out of the supply room with bottles of whiskey that he almost drop if not for Billy who's quick on his feet and help the younger man.

"T-thanks dude." He looks flustered when Billy gives him his sweetest smile. If I'm not a woman and am not going to fake date Billy, I'll say that Zak is crushing on him big time. But hey, I am not going to drop the bomb. I need Billy for a couple of dates at least. But then again Billy seems to notice Zak's bright pink cheeks when Billy not-so-subtly brushes their hands as he helps him with the bottles.

"Anytime, Zak. Watch your step, okay?" He winks and lets the poor guy pass.

"You're so wicked," I whisper when Zak reaches the other end of the bar.

"Ugh...I haven't got laid in so long, and that young stud is looking very...very appetizing." The man sighs, making me laugh. "Anyway, enough about me, why haven't you been dating? And why do you need me to be your fake date? A very gay me?" He raised his perfect eyebrow at me and I can't help but roll my eyes at him.

"I'm busy, boss-man, I need all the shifts you can give me. Miley's next recital is in a couple of months. There'll be extra expenses on her costumes, not to mention her ballet shoes and then there's Mom's medication. Her insurance is shit, I can't afford to quit but it's not covering all of her medications." I take a deep breath not wanting to complain too much. But when Billy asks, it seems that he draws all my problems out and it's always easy for me to tell him everything. The man just listens, he never gives me shit, he just nods and takes all my worry away.

"Okay, I'm picking you up tomorrow and ticked one of your problems from that long list of shit you gotta deal with before that wrinkle on your forehead became permanent and you have to do Botox before twenty-five. Seriously, Jordan, give me that sweet smile?"

I laugh and nudge him with my elbow, telling him to go be bossy somewhere else.

Friday night has always been the busiest night at the bar. This means more tips for me to take home. Usually, there are waves of the usual patrons that come in gradually. Tonight, they all seem to flood the bar in one sweep and I am swamped with orders. Even Billy comes to my rescue along with Zak until it is time for my break when Luis takes over my side of the bar, letting me go for a quick break.

I go to the employee break lounge to eat my sandwich dinner Mom had prepared for me earlier. I almost choke on it when the door opens and the big boss comes through. When I say big boss, I mean it. The man is probably six-three and built like a tree. When Zak flushes pink seeing Billy, I instantly have goosebumps seeing the hottest specimen of a man before me. "Boss," I greet him before putting the half-eaten sandwich in the pink container Mon prepared my sandwich in.

"Jordan," He greets me by my fake name and I swoon like a schoolgirl on the inside. I don't know how I'd be if he greeted me by my real name. I won't dare imagine knowing it's not going to happen.

His deep rumbling male voice always gets me. The man is straight as an arrow and I am his male employee who shouldn't lay eyes on him too long. But hey, it's not like I can tell my eyes to look the other way when the man is commanding me to acknowledge his presence! Well, maybe not commanding, but seriously, him being here in the same vicinity as me is distracting enough for the lonely life of a single young woman pretending to be a guy.

"Mr. Easton."

"I thought I told you to call me Doug already."

"Eh...yeah, sorry Doug. Are you looking for Billy?"

"No, actually, I am looking for you?"

This time I almost choked on my coke. Seriously, the man gave me anxiety that I choked twice and he hadn't been in the room for ten minutes.