Chapter 7 Time to choose me (part two)

Underneath my fat self, I could see traces of someone else. Someone I used to know. I stood slowly and walked toward the mirror near the dresser. 

This time, when I looked at myself, I forced my attention beyond the weight, beyond the insecurity, beyond every cruel thing Gabriel and his family had planted inside my head over the years.

I looked at the woman beneath it, and for the first time in a long time, I saw her clearly. Not the weak pathetic and abandoned Nicole. I saw Nicole Coleman, the brightest student who ever walked the campus of Penn state University. 

Nicole Bowen was gone in the blink of an eye. A slow breath left me as realization settled heavily into my chest. Gabriel hadn’t ruined my life, I had simply built too much of it around him.

And now that he was gone, I was finally being forced to confront the terrifying truth that I no longer knew who I was outside of being his wife.

A bitter smile touched my lips. Gabriel thought he was leaving behind a woman who would fall apart without him.

Maybe that was who I had been before last night. But not anymore. I picked up my phone again, scrolling through old contacts until I found a number I hadn’t touched in years.

Professor Helena Brooks. The woman who once supervised my trial advocacy program in law school.

The woman who told me I argued like I had something personal to prove. Maybe she had been right.

My thumb hovered over the screen for only a second before I pressed call. The line rang once, then twice before, “Nicole?”

Even hearing my name spoken like that almost broke something inside me. Not Mrs. Bowen and not Gabriel’s wife. Just Nicole.

I swallowed hard before answering quietly. “Hi, Professor.”

There was a pause. Then warmth entered her voice immediately. “My God. It’s been years.” I took a heavy breath, “Yes,” I admitted softly. “It has.”

Another pause followed before she asked the question gently. “What happened?” I looked at my reflection again, at the woman standing at the edge of her old life.

Then I answered honestly, “I think I’m finally ready to come back.”

There was a stunned silence on the other end of the line. Then Professor Brooks exhaled softly, almost like she had been waiting years to hear those words from me.

“Well,” she said carefully, “that explains why Arthur refused to take no for an answer.” My brows furrowed immediately, “What do you mean?”

There was another pause.

“You really don’t know?” A strange feeling crept into my stomach. “Know what?”

This time, when she spoke, her tone had changed completely. It was less warm and more cautious.

“Nicole… Arthur spent the last two years preparing for your return.”

I straightened slowly. “What? How did he know I would come back?” “He was convinced you’d eventually leave your marriage and come back to law.”

I let out a small, disbelieving laugh. “That doesn’t even make sense. I barely spoke to him after I got married.”

“That didn’t stop him from following your career.”

Professor Brooks continued. “Arthur used to say you were wasting yourself. That one day something would happen that would force you to remember who you are.”

A chill ran through me. Something about this conversation suddenly felt bigger than nostalgia.

“Professor…” I said slowly, “why does it sound like everyone knew my marriage would fail except me?”

The silence that followed answered too much. I gripped the phone tighter. “Professor?”

She hesitated? And in that hesitation, my pulse began to rise. “There were rumors,” she finally admitted and my stomach dropped.

“What rumors?” “That Gabriel was involved with someone at his company. A few people had heard him make funny remarks of how terrible a wife you were.”

The room suddenly felt colder. “No,” I said immediately. “Nyla only started working closely with him eight months ago.”

There was another longer silence. “Nicole… it wasn’t Nyla.” Everything inside me went still. “What?”

Professor Brooks lowered her voice.“Arthur found out something last year during a merger negotiation involving Gabriel’s company. He never gave me details, but he was disturbed by it. Disturbed enough that he hired private investigators.”

My heartbeat started climbing harder, “Investigators for what?”

“I don’t know.” That answer didn’t feel truthful. “Professor.” “I’m serious,” she said quickly. “Arthur never told me directly. But whatever he uncovered involved Gabriel personally.”

My mind spun violently now, pieces refusing to fit together. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because before he died…” She stopped briefly. “Arthur left something for you.”

I frowned. “What kind of something?”

“It’s a sealed file. And I’m guessing if you’ve called me after all these years, it’s because Daniel has called you too.”

The air in my lungs thinned and I gasped for air. From where I was standing, everyone knew about my wrecked marriage before I could catch up. 

For how long had Gabriel been making a fool of me? How many women had he strode with while I laid on our cold bed waiting for him at night?

“He instructed the firm not to release it unless you agreed to return to practice.”

I stared ahead blankly. None of this made sense anymore. “What’s inside the file?”

“I don’t know exactly,” Professor Brooks admitted. “But Arthur said if you ever opened it…”

Her voice lowered carefully. “You will find so many reasons to divorce Gabriel.”

Silence crashed into the room. My grip tightened so hard around the phone my knuckles hurt.

“What are you talking about?” Before she could answer,  someone knocked on my hotel room door.

It was three slow knocks. My entire body stiffened instantly. Professor Brooks was still speaking faintly on the phone, but I barely heard her anymore.

Because another knock came slower and deliberate this time. I looked toward the door cautiously, my pulse suddenly deafening in my ears.

“Nicole?” Professor Brooks’ voice crackled faintly through the phone. “I’ll call you back,” I whispered quickly before hanging up.

The room fell into complete silence as I reached the door carefully and looked through the peephole. A young hotel employee stood outside awkwardly beside a small cart covered with silver trays.

I stared for another second just to be sure before unlocking the door slowly. The young man immediately straightened. “Good evening, ma’am. Complimentary welcome service.”

I frowned slightly. “I didn’t order anything.” “Yes, ma’am,” he said politely. “It’s provided for premium suite guests.”

Premium suite? I almost laughed. This room barely qualified as decent. Still, I stepped aside enough for him to wheel the cart in. 

The smell of warm food immediately filled the room, bread, pasta and something buttery. My stomach twisted painfully at the realization that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon.

The employee placed the tray carefully on the small table near the window. “Can I get you anything else?” I shook my head, “No, thank you.” He nodded and left.

There was just one thing left to be done. I had to meet Mr Daniel Mercer before anything else. This was finally time for me to decide what I wanted to do with my life. It was time for me to choose me.