Episode 3 - The doubt

"Yes, it's quite important. I was wondering if..." he said, but didn't continue, as if waiting for my reaction.

"What? Stop joking, please," I said, frowning.

"You said your shift starts in two hours, right?" he asked.

"Yes, I was planning to go home and rest for a while before going to work. You know I don't get off until the wee hours," I replied.

"And that doesn't stress you out? I mean, going home and then going to work," he asked.

"Not really, it only takes me ten minutes to get home and another ten to get from home to work, it's not much," I explained.

"Oh..."

"But tell me, what is it you need to talk to me about so urgently on a Wednesday? And on top of that, the day before we start our vacation," I asked, now somewhat curious.

"Should I treat you to something to eat? So we can talk?" he said with a pitiful expression.

James is the type of person who usually stays calm in stressful situations. When we became friends, I remember first considering him an attractive person, but as the months went by, I realized that we are not really compatible, and we have very different ways of seeing the world. Looking at the bigger picture, we would be a couple who would end up separating after a very short time, so I won't take the risk. Anyway, you never turn down a free meal. I got off the bike and unlocked the passenger helmet I had with me, asked where we were going and drove to the place, it was a classic burger place, but they are supposed to be some of the best.

We sat down to wait for them to prepare the burgers and discussed just common class matters, such as how tomorrow we'll get the results of the midterm exams, and then we have a three-month vacation.

"Don't you think three months is too long?" James asked, trying to make small talk.

"I don't think so. Some people take advanced courses during those three months to graduate early. Thanks to them, we get to take three months off," I said.

"Well, that's true. But I feel like we're not making the most of our courses," he continued.

"What? You want to take an advanced course?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"No, not at all. It's just that three months without seeing everyone is depressing," he said.

"But... It's only three months without classes, that doesn't mean you can't see your friends," I protested.

"To be honest, you're the one I'm going to miss the most," he said, looking me up and down.

I laughed lightly at his comment, while the waitress arrived with our burger orders almost at the same time. While we were eating, he seemed a bit serious, but he didn't mention the mid-year vacations again or make any silly compliments to me.

"You know what? What does it matter?" he murmured.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I like you, Ness. I've liked you since I met you on the first day of college," he said, placing his hand on mine.

"No. Stop it... don't go on," I said.

"Why? Why have you never considered me?" he said, squeezing my hand uncomfortably.

"Excuse me...? What do you mean? I did! But you..." I began.

"Then let's try it, you have nothing to lose by trying," he said, his gaze shifting uncomfortably from my face to other parts of my body.

"No, I do have something to lose. You and I want different things in life. I want to travel, see the world, I love doing dangerous things; you just wait for life to take you somewhere someday, without planning anything and hoping everything works out," I said, knowing him well.

"Ness. Listen to me... you don't know that, you don't know anything," James said, in a condescending tone.

"No, you listen to me! This isn't going to work. Even if you try, you don't know what you want to do with your life, and I'm sure I don't want someone like you," I said, pulling away from his grip.

I got up and grabbed my backpack, put it on and quickly headed out to the parking lot, got on the bike and went home. I threw my backpack in the living room and sat on the floor, while I started to think, feeling that I was too hard on James, he was being sincere, and I vented all my frustration of the last few months on him. Joe came out of his room, practically running with a half-eaten pizza, barely hearing the door slam and the table where my backpack fell, knocking it sideways. He asked me what happened, and I started telling him everything that had happened, from what was happening at university to the exams whose results I don't think will be good, and now I had to listen to a confession from someone who, in recent months, has been giving me signs that he's not a good boyfriend.

We talked for a while, and then there were 20 minutes left until my shift, so I grabbed my things again and said goodbye to Joe to head to work. It was the most exhausting 9.5 hours of my life; I couldn't concentrate on much of anything because of today's events. My shift ends at 2 AM, which is kinda dangerous taking into consideration I am driving a bike now, but asides from that, my workplace is literally 3 km straight from home, and then just 2 blocks to the left. I was just about to head left, and I had a bad feeling, I wasn't planning on parking, so I speed up to get home. I parked and looked around everywhere to confirm that that feeling was only on my head. I rang the doorbell and went upstairs to the apartment. As I entered the house, Joe was gathering his things to wait for his work shuttle, as his shift started at 3 AM. I only glanced at him and half-greeted him. I entered my room, locked the door, and placed my headset on the table next to my bed. I placed my cell phone next to it to charge it and then lay down on the bed to sleep.

I felt like something was on my back, but I completely ignored it and fell completely asleep until I heard...