Chained Up

I wake up from the sleep.

The sleep was good, I'd prefer to say crazy good because I dreamt about someone. Someone I like a lot and I have been dying to be with him. Now there's this happy aching feeling lurking in my chest.

It was just Tuesday when he came up to me and asked if I wanted to have lunch together. I was blushing so hard and butterflies were dancing in my stomach. Can't lie, it made me happy to feel the jealous stares of the other girls.

I walk up to the washroom and stare at my reflection for a minute. A girl with dark blue eyes, tanned face surrounded by wavy brown hair, two soft pink lips and an unimpressing nose. I don't like my nose. But that's okay.

Because Marcus Callen, the hottest fine boy in the whole school, asked me out yesterday.

And I had reason to say no.

But I'm kind of scared. It's my first time and I have no experience with dating. What if I make things awkward and he breaks up with me? I should make sure to keep him entertained. Again, I don't have a cheerful personality. But I'll be happy as long as he stays with me.

I don't forget to kiss my pet cat, Phoenix and she purrs in response. I hum a summer song happily, (even though I don't like summer) and step downstairs. The smell of freshly baked bread hits my nostril, as I know that my mom is up already. She has a strict routine of waking up every day at 6 o'clock, unless she's out of the house.

"Good morning, mom," I say as I sit down at the dining table.

"Morning," she spares me a glance from the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes. A lot."

She gives me a motherly smile, then puts down a huge loaf of bread and different jars of jams in front of me.

"You want poached eggs?"

"Sure," I nod my head with joy.

I live with my mom and my brother, in a two-storied house. My brother's name is Alex, who's two years older than me. My father isn't in the picture. Till I was twelve years old, I had known that he was dead, but later I came to know that he just left us. We sometimes hear distant news that he's now married and happy with his wife.

I have never wanted to meet him. Not every parent deserves children.

"Alex already left?" I ask as I don't notice his presence.

"He's having a sleepover with his friends, he will be back after school," my mom replies, shaking a spatula in the pan.

I feel my face darken, "Seriously, mom? You never let me have one. But he gets all the free passes. Why, mom?"

I might have hurt her feelings unknowingly, cause I see sadness in her face. She puts down the utensil, walking up to me and puts a gentle hand on my shoulder.

It's not about having sleepovers. Because I don't have much friends. It's about freedom.

"I do all these to protect you, Ana. Being a girl isn't easy, but I want to try my best to make it not hard for you. Alex is older than you, and he's not immature, he can decide what's the best for you."

I feel like tearing up, "So you're calling me immature?"

I'm not immature. I can be naive sometimes, but I try to use my brain most of the time.

"That's not it, Anastasia," she calls me by my full name when she's serious. "You're young and you need time to face life. The world isn't always fair to us women. That's why I have to be strict with you."

I want to be free too. I want to run through the woods, swim in the sea, dance in the rain. But I can't, because there are invisible chains around me.

I'm chained up.

And I don't feel like eating anymore.

"I'm done eating. I'm going to go to school now," I chug down a glass of water quickly.

"I will drive you there," she turns off the stove.

"No need, I can go by myself," I rush upstairs and grab my bag. I can just take the bus and arrive at school.

It's not a big deal. And I don't want to run into Marcus while being with my mom. I know that she's not going have a pleasant reaction if that happens. Even though Marcus is very pleasant to look at, soft golden hair, expressive grey eyes. Mom is not going to be happy if she comes to know that I have a boyfriend. But I don't wanna completely miss the opportunity either.

"Want me to pack your lunch?" she asks again as I grab the keys.

"No, thanks. I'll eat something from the cafeteria."

"Today's full school, right?"

"Yes," I lie blatantly, today's half school because of a science fair. I'm going to meet Marcus after school, at his home. Since it's our first date together, it's exciting and scary at the same time.

"Don't be late, Ana. Have a good day at school," she gives a hearty smile.

I nod my head, and leave the house.

The weather is comfortable. The sun spreads its soft light everywhere, making me feel warm. There's a cherry blossom tree in the end of the neighborhood road. I take a moment to appreciate its beauty, wishing I could stay beautiful like this always too. But life's not like that. I can't always get the things I wish. I can't fulfill my wants just by myself. I sometimes get this horrendous urge to leave everything and dance in the sea. Tornado emerges, waves get mighty, but I still dance. And I want someone to watch me as I gradually retain from my sanity.

But things like that don't happen.

And only if I knew what was going to happen in my life, I'd never have lied to my mom like that.