Fit for Love

In a dark alley behind Nick’s Bar, I stared at the bat a tall bald guy was holding above my head. I cowered from the threat of being throttled because of my cousin’s idiocy. My cousin, Daniel, stood next to me, trying to reason with him, claiming it was all a mistake, while another brutish looking guy blocked our exit to the busy street at our backs. I don’t know how such a fun night turned so disastrous.

“Please, I didn’t know she was with you, man,” Daniel said. “At least let my cousin go. She had nothing to do with it.”

“I don’t care. I’m going to break your pretty nose and then slash your cousin’s thick trunks,” said the man with the bat.

Thick trunks? Ooohh that hurt. I knew I didn’t have stick legs like a runway model, but the brute’s comment really got under my skin.

“My name’s Stella and even though my trunks are large, they can squeeze you like a boa constrictor,” I hissed.

It was bad enough I had been avoiding relationships since my breakup a year and a half ago. Getting called out by a stranger stung. I wanted to tell him how I’d been working my butt off for over a year in the gym, and even though my frame was still on the larger size, I was strong and fit. But I stayed quiet, thinking about my next move.

Earlier that night Daniel called me and asked me to meet him at Nick’s Bar along the Sunset Strip.

He said, “Stella, I can’t tolerate you spending another night alone watching your favorite action adventure movie.” The movie he was talking about features the hunky actor, Luke Mulligan. Ahhh… I could watch Luke Mulligan any night of the week. But Daniel said the drinks were on him, so instead of donning my elastic waist pajamas, I made a little effort in a black mini-skirt, red silky top and black strappy heels. I know I don’t have the most modelesque physique, but I’d been working on my revenge body and feeling a little more confident as of late. Of course, I topped off the look with a cute black blazer. I’m not quite ready to let my arms jiggle out on the dance floor.

With two thuggish guys, one with a bat and the other looking ready to tackle us, I wished I’d opted for flats instead of heels. Who was I trying to kid anyway? I wasn’t ready to hook up with anyone yet. Not after what happened with Ryan. That was another thing my cousin was trying to get me to forget. For all his swagger, my cousin, Daniel, had good intentions.

When we arrived at Nick’s Place earlier in the night, Daniel immediately started getting chummy with some girls at the bar - two blondes and a red head to be exact. Daniel always likes the blondes. He uses me, his curvy brunette cousin, to disarm the attractive women. Usually, I play along with Daniel’s antics. He’s helped me out as of late, getting in shape, earning a personal trainer’s license and giving me one of his personal training clients so I could at least pay my share of the rent on a two-bedroom dump I shared with my best friend.

That time, however, I was getting a little bored with the bobsy twins and the ginger yapping in my ear about their auditions and the casting directors and who was banging who – your typical Hollywood banter. It was common of Nick’s Place, a cool LA hangout, to attract wanna be actresses. It’s probably why Daniel chose the place. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back, Daniel was dancing with one of the blondes, getting quite close and personal. I didn’t think much about it. That’s Daniel’s style. Plus, as a personal trainer, I must admit, he’s pretty svelte. I left them to bust a move while I got another drink at the bar.

As I took another sip of my beer, I noticed a bald guy staring at my cousin, and I knew it meant trouble. When I lost sight of Daniel and the blonde in a sea of dancing drunks, I knew something was wrong. I circled the dance floor, checked the bathroom and by that point, my feet were aching in the heels. I figured the bald guy must have been a jealous boyfriend of sorts, and I motioned for the bartender who told me they’d left out the side door. Daniel was the unlucky bastard caught in the middle. And once I ran out, I was guilty by association.

That’s how I ended up in the dank alley, surrounded by garbage smell with a possessive boyfriend waving a bat above my head. And I was seething mad about his comments regarding my legs.

“I swear, I wasn’t trying to steal your girl,” Daniel kept repeating. “You should be mad at her, not me.”

“She’s not to blame. You must have seduced her,” said the bald guy, waving the bat.

“What do you want?” Daniel asked. “I have cash in my wallet.”

“How much?” the bald guy asked. Daniel threaded his hand into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and threw around $400 on the ground. It was then that I realized it had all been a set up – the girls, the bald guy watching them, all to lure my cousin outside to willing give up his cash. The bald guy motioned for his accomplice to come over and pick up the money. I couldn’t let them get away with it.

With the bat ready to crush my skull, I thought about what Luke Mulligan would do as Gabriel, the brawny guardian angel in my favorite movie. I might not have the brawn, but surely I had the brains – brains I wanted to keep in my head and not spilled out with the rest of the stinky trash littering the alleyway. I guess that stank was getting to Daniel too, because suddenly he coughed and lurched, spewing vomit onto his shoes.

It was just the distraction I needed. The bald guy holding the bat looked over at Daniel and I slid like a baseball player sliding into home and swiped the bald guy’s leg with my own, causing him to topple back, the bat still in his hands. I kicked him in the chin with my heels, having determined why I wore them after all.

My adrenaline was racing; I felt like a badass. I was so mad at these punks and those skanks for thinking they could scam my cousin. I turned on my knees and lurched toward the bills Daniel threw on the ground, just losing out to the thug who snatched them the second before. I grabbed his legs in a bear hug, causing him to fall forward, clutching the wad.

After wretching, Daniel recovered and stepped over to help me to my feet. But that gave the bald guy just enough time to get his bearings and take a swipe with the bat at Daniel.

“No!” I screamed, but it was too late.

Daniel held his arms up to protect his head. Crack! The bat slammed down onto Daniel’s arm. He yelled in pain. I gave the bald guy a punch in the stomach, grabbed the bat, and quickly ushered Daniel away toward the street. The other thug didn’t bother messing with us after that, having already confiscated Daniel’s cash. I tossed the bat once we were safely in an Uber on the way to the hospital.

“Hey, I’m getting the munchies, can we stop for a slice of pizza on the way?” Daniel asked.

“No pizza.”

“Ahhh. Fries?”

“No fries.”

I could tell he was still drunk because it wasn’t like Daniel to beg for junk food. He usually ate a clean diet, even if he did enjoy a couple of alcoholic drinks now and again. I unstrapped my shoes and held them in my hands. My bare feet dangled against the seat. I thought about how brave I’d been. Never would I have thought I could take out a 6 foot 2 man with a bat - and do it in heels.

After a few minutes, Daniel asked, “how am I going to work if my arm’s broken? And he took part of my rent money.” He was starting to sober up.

I didn’t blame Daniel. Even though he could be a player, he was always honest with girls. They just weren’t always honest with him. We could both be fools when it came to love. Lord knows I was with Ryan.