Heads he’s mine, Tails he’s yours

Dylan's POV

Ring

"Hmmmmm"

ringggg

"Ughhhh" 

I lazily groaned out as the sound of my stupid alarm decided to get me out of a restless sleep. 

Why am I acting like this?, today was the day..... my first day of teaching at the university. I had spent years preparing for this moment, but now that it was finally here, I couldn't shake off the feeling of nervousness that had been building up inside me.

I'm a shy person, and why I choose to teach is still a mystery to me, I don't think I can't get a word out without stuttering, so how am I supposed to teach students who are old enough to find my awkwardness funny but rather embarrassing and worth laugh AT me. 

As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but think about all the things that could go wrong. What if I stumbled over my words?, like my stupid stuttering issue kicks in, it always does that when I'm in a crowd or speaking to people.

What if I forgot my notes? What if the students didn't like me?. The doubts swirled in my head like a vortex, making my stomach twist with anxiety and my  heart beat faster. I really don't have time for a panic attack right now or today. 

I took a deep breath and threw off the covers, trying to shake off the negative thoughts. Nina said a negative mind results to unnecessary heart breaks and self sabotage. Nina is my nanny or as I've grown to call her, my adoptive mother who stepped up. She's such a sweet old lady, when I came out to my parents years ago- okay I didn't really come out to them, I kinda sorta, kissed one of their business partners son- they dumped me in this apartment with her, but years ago before college she moved out so she could give me privacy, privacy that I really could care less about since there's nothing to be kept private.....well except my little secret. 

Anyways, I had prepared for this moment, I keep trying to remind myself. I had spent countless hours poring over my notes, rehearsing my lectures, and preparing engaging lesson plans. I was ready for this. Ready to show these students there's more to art than just covering a white board with colors. 

I love art, it was how I was able to express myself without having to actually express it. My favorite thing about art is that it doesn't always have to be lines, colors and a board. Art can be music, writing, photography, etc. my favorite form of art though would be drawing/painting, whenever I stood in front of a canvas it always feels right. I had always loved art, art can be found anywhere and my favorite place to see art was on the human body. 

Getting back on track, I got out of bed and began my morning routine, trying to focus on the tasks at hand rather than my racing thoughts. I showered, did my skin care routine, and dressed in my best professorial attire. 

As I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked a bit pale and nervous, my eyes sunken from lack of sleep. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself, reminding myself that I was capable and competent. I'm not really used to sleeping alone, years after Nina left and I still can't get used to sleeping alone, sometimes I would cuddle with my teddy bears to feel the warmth and safety of someone but deep down I knew it wasn't the same. 

I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, trying to collect my thoughts. I went over my notes one last time, making sure I had everything I needed for the day's lecture.

But despite my best efforts, the nervousness lingered. What if I wasn't good enough? What if I failed?, what if my parents are right?, that I'm just a huge disappointment. 

I pushed the thoughts aside and stood up, finishing my coffee in one gulp. It was time to face the music. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, taking a deep breath as I stepped into the unknown-well not really unknown, but you get the drill-.

.....

As I was leaving my apartment, lost in thought about my first day of teaching, I didn't notice the person standing in the hallway. That was, until I bumped into him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, as I stumbled backward, trying to regain my balance, my face heating from embarrassment, I literally can not have this today. 

The man, my neighbor, looked at me with a mixture of surprise and annoyance. "Watch where you're going, shorty" he said gruffly.

I felt my face heat up even more with more embarrassment. "I'm really sorry," I repeated, trying to make amends. "I wasn't paying attention." He's huge, what if he beats me up, I really can't defend myself, the least or in my case, most thing I can do is yell for help and I doubt I'd be able to. 

My neighbor, a tall, handsome, dark skin man with a beard, looked me up and down, I've never seen him before, maybe he's new  "You're done staring?" he said, his tone still the same, annoyed and irritated. "I'm sorry." I rushed out, I don't want his trouble. At all. 

"I'm...uh...Dylan," I introduced myself, trying to hide my awkwardness and lighten the mood.

"And I care why?" He asked me with a more annoyed face, it's like he knows of no other expression except annoyance, he's so tall and huge, he must work out everyday, I bet his whole hand can lift and throw me away. 

We stood there for a moment, awkwardly silent. I didn't know what to say, and the man seemed to be enjoying my discomfort, because his face soften a bit and now he's rocking a light smirk on his face. 

I thought he was going to do something but instead he just scoffed and started walking away. 

"You're just going to stand there and wait for the next neighbor to annoy?" Came his voice as he stepped into the elevator.

"I....i" was what left my mouth 

"You....you" he mimicked, the door was about to close but he held it back opened. 

"Get in" he ordered and like the pushover and submissive I am, I immediately rushed inside. 

The door closed and he pressed ground floor. I tried so hard not to stare at him but i could feel his aura, he's so tall and huge, he can seriously squeeze my body in the shape of a ball or any object he wants to. 

We rode the elevator in awkward silence, which was disturbed by my loud gulping of my saliva. I felt him staring hard at me. Making me want to seek protection from the elevator walls. 

Finally we reached the ground floor

"Sorry again." I rushed out as I bid him good bye, rushing to my car. 

I glanced back at him one more time before entering my car, he's so handsome, too bad he's not gay and I don't have the balls to pursue anything. 

I shook my head, chuckling wryly to myself. This was not how I wanted to start my day.

I took a deep breath and continued on my way, hoping that the rest of the day would be less stressful.

.......

As I walked into the classroom, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. I had made it to my first day of teaching, my parents were so wrong, I will become something, maybe now I can finally stop accepting their money and start my own life. 

I was ready to take on the world, I can do anything.

WORLD, HERE I COMEEEEEE.... I happily yelled in my head, I was happy and nothing can ruin it for me....

That was, until I almost tripped over my own feet.

I was so focused on greeting my students and setting up my notes that I didn't notice the loose wire on the floor. My feet got tangled in it, and I stumbled, almost falling over. I managed to catch myself just in time, but not before I let out a loud, awkward "whoa!" I awkward chucked, But boy was I embarrassed. I wish the floor would open and just sink me in. 

The students looked up at me in surprise, and I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. 

I tried to play it cool, laughing it off and making a joke about "getting the clumsiness out of the way early." But inside, I was mortified, I wanted to die. Angel of death where are you. 

I quickly composed myself and began the lecture, trying to shake off the awkwardness. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I had already made a fool of myself in front of my students. I stumbled over my words a few times, and my hands shook slightly as I wrote on the board.

"Good morning class" I greeted, forcing myself to stay calm.

"My name is Dylan Mathew, I will be your art teacher for the semester" my shaking hands pointed to my name and the course code written on the board. 

"Please do feel free to think of me as one of you but not too much to forget I am not one of you" I awkward laughed to which I was replied with silence. 

"Okayyy" I then began teaching today's topic. Or in the eyes of the students, trying to teach. I'm so nervous I don't think I know what I'm doing. 

Despite my best efforts, the rest of the class was a blur. I couldn't focus on the material, and I couldn't shake the feeling of embarrassment. I just wanted to get out of there and start over.

As the class finally came to a close, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had made it through the first day, but I knew I had a long way to go. I gathered my things and headed out of the classroom, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.

As I walked out of the room, I heard a few snickers and giggles from the students. I couldn't help but smile, realizing that maybe, just maybe, my awkwardness had helped break the ice.

Or maybe they're just making fun of me. My smile immediately dropped and I hung my head in shame as I walked to my assigned office.