Just One of the Guys

Corbin

As I stare at myself in the mirror attempting to tame the wild mop of hair that I’ve been left with, I try to figure out how exactly I am expected to fit in here as a boy, despite the fact that I’m a girl.

After they cut off my waist-length hair, leaving me with these two-inch locks I’m supposed to do something with, they tried to make me dye it a different color: dark brown, almost black they said, but I couldn’t bring myself to let them.

I know it’s just hair but it’s the only thing I have left of my identity; they’ve taken away my name and given me a new one: taken away my gender, although not physically—thank God—and gave me a new one.

They’ve taken my blue eyes and turned them brown with non-prescription contacts and gave me glasses to wear at all times—neither of which I need.

How glasses are supposed to help, I have no clue, but if it can work for Clark Kent, I guess maybe there’s some hope for me.

They’ve taken away my friends, my family: taken away any and every piece of my old life, making me start anew as a different person.

I know it’s for my safety, but it’s still hard.

It still hurts.

Releasing a deep sigh, I make my way over to the dresser and pilfer through the articles of clothing that I had managed to sneak past the agents who were watching over me, a longing for my old life hanging over me like a dark cloud. A few bras, panties, a skirt, a couple of pairs of jeans, two pairs of shoes, my makeup bag, and some shirts; a few material possessions and a headful of memories is all that I have left of my old life.

A knock on my door and a muffled voice telling me that it’s time to go, brings me out of my musings.

Quickly I bind my chest with the ace-bandage, grab the glasses, and rush out the door.

It’s not long before I find myself walking through the dimly lit halls of Endover Preparatory School.

An overwhelming feeling of loss and despair comes over me as I find myself surrounded by a sea of boys, which would typically be every girl’s dream, but here, I’m not a girl, I’m just another one of the guys.

Endover is the top Prep School in the state of Connecticut, located within half an hour from the Connecticut-Massachusetts border.

I know I should feel thankful for being hidden away at such a prestigious place, one that no one would ever consider looking for me, thanks to witness protection. But instead, all I can think about is how I’ve had to leave everything and everyone I have ever known and loved, and be transported across the country like a disobedient brat.

All of this because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time—a witness to something that will forever haunt both my days and nights, causing me to live constantly looking over my shoulder for fear of being found—the consequences of that likely being death, or some form of punishment that would be far worse.

Rushing down the halls, unsuccessfully dodging people left and right, I slam into someone who knocks me to the ground, landing hard on my backside.

“Mother freaking—A!” I yell, my tailbone screaming at me as I find it difficult to move.

“Man, are you okay?” a deep voice asks, leaning down and offering me a hand to help me to my feet.

Peering up to see who is offering their help after knocking me down, I blush as Colt stares down at me, his long blonde hair falling in a curtain around his face and stopping just above his shoulders. His blue eyes are laced with concern, and his lips are pulled down in a grimace as he clenches his jaw.

Taking hold of the offered hand, I clench my teeth, wincing as pain lances up my spine as he pulls, helping me to try to rise from the cold tile floor.

“Holy shii—take mushrooms,” I begin, correcting myself from cursing as the headmaster stops next to Colt, looking down at me as I fall back to the floor as Colt’s attention moves from helping me, to the man at his side.

It’s only then that I notice the other person next to Colt, and how I missed him when he’s always on my radar when he’s around I’ll never know. Colt’s best friend, Knox, peers down at me, his brow furrowed above his dark eyes, irritation clear upon his handsome face.

Of course, he would be here to witness this, I think, groaning in embarrassment. Why of all of the guys in this school does the one guy that I happen to have a massive crush on have to bear witness to this?

The headmaster interrupts my thoughts, asking us what happened, and then asks Colt to assist me in going to the nurse’s office. It’s only as we begin making our way down the hall that that I realize that Knox is no longer with us.

“I’m really sorry, Corbin,” Colt says, stopping and reaching out to grasp a hold of my arm to stop me too. “I was looking at my phone, not paying attention..”

“I wasn’t watching where I was going either,” I say, then wince again as pain radiates up my spine and throughout my pelvis. “I think you broke my butt.”

Colt starts laughing, and then wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Come on then, man. Let’s get you to the nurse’s office and let her check out your ass,” he offers.

That causes us both to laugh, although mine is short lived as it causes me to move enough another wave of pain shoots through my body. “Don’t make me laugh, you ass... It hurts.”

“Sorry,” he says chuckling, not really sorry at all.

Loopy from the Torah-something shot that the nurse gave me, Colt and I make our way to the cafeteria, having missed my athletics and English classes all together as Nurse Joy made us wait to make sure I didn’t have any sort of reaction to the medicine.

As we walk into the cafeteria, the smell of food hits my nostrils, and a moan escapes from my throat, causing me to fold over in a fit of giggles as Colt looks at me as if I’m crazy.

“What the bloody hell has gotten into him?” Knox asks, coming up next to us in line.

“Toradol shot. Apparently, it makes him loopy and think everything is funny,” Colt says with a shrug of his shoulder.

“Because of what happened earlier?” Knox asks, lifting one of his perfect eyebrows at me, his trademark glare aimed directly at me.

“He broke my butt!” I say way too loudly, this realization only hitting me as the cafeteria becomes so quiet you could hear a pin drop, all eyes turning towards the three of us.

“It’s not like it sounds!” Colt’s quick to say, then jumping in to explain how he came to break my butt.

By the end, their friends Gentry and Wesley , has joined us, cracking up too, at Colt for having broken my butt, even Knox has a smirk on his playing at the corner of his mouth.

“Guess you’re not hungry anymore, huh?” Gentry says, shoulder checking me and almost making me lose my balance before he must have remembered that I’m not currently firing on all cylinders and catches me before I fall.

“Nope!” I say as we step up to the counter to place our lunch order. “I’m starving!” I say and then look at the girl behind the register. “Can I have two slices of pepperoni and mushroom pizza?” To which I hear someone behind me say, ‘pepperoni, and mushroom, pizza? Gross!’

“An order of chili cheese nachos, a cheeseburger with mayonnaise, lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes, and…” I hesitate, looking at the menu above my head to make sure there is nothing else that I want. “A diet coke, please.”

Beside me, Gentry snorts a laugh. “You think your eyes are bigger than your stomach, small stuff?”

“Nah, I’m hungry, remember?” I say, stepping to the side so that he and the rest of the guys can order their food too.

As soon as we’ve all gotten our food and sit at our usual table, I get to work on tearing through all the food in front of me, unable to decide what I want to put in my mouth first.

With a shrug of my shoulders, I grab a hold of a slice of pizza and pull the nachos towards me, taking a bite of pizza followed by a chip covered in chili and cheese before I’ve even finished chewing my bite of pizza.

“Ye eejit, chew yer food so ye don't choke,” Wesley chastises before shoving half of his chili-dog down his own throat, a smirk on his face along with mustard, chili, and cheese shreds as he chews.

Such a boy, I think to myself as I try my best to refrain from rolling my eyes. Some of the guys here may be hot but they don’t have much between their ears, not that I’m the best judge of that in my current state.

When I first met Wesley, I thought I’d done died and gone to heaven, because that was the only possible way that I would have gotten to meet the gorgeous male model Ken Bek.

But, after Gentry introduced him, and I googled Bek, just to be sure, I realized that I was indeed still alive. Wesley is a good guy, cute but he just doesn’t make me feel the things that the tall, dark and handsome one of the group does. Not that they aren’t all good looking in their own right, they just don’t do it for me.

Instead, I seem to want the one who can’t even seem to stand the sight of me, I think, sighing as I look at him from across the table.

“Did you hear about the party over in Berkshire tonight?” Gentry asks, as I try to force myself to take another bite of pizza, breaking me out of my thoughts of Knox.

The nachos are gone, along with one of the slices of pizza minus the bite still in my hand, the hamburger, and the second slice of pizza remaining in front of me untouched. Maybe my eyes were just a tad bit bigger than my stomach, but Gentry will never hear me admit it.

“Maybe, who all’s going to be there?” I say, shoving the rest of my food to the center of the table, making it free for anyone’s taking.

Knox grabs the burger, Gentry glaring at him before reluctantly grabbing the slice of pepperoni and mushroom pizza.

I had been told to keep my head down and my nose clean—specifically—not to attend any parties, but how exactly, I wondered, am I supposed to avoid all the normal activities of teenagers and stay instead, hold up in my apartment like an old hermit, and still fit in is beyond me.

“You should come. It’s supposed to be bloody legit! Alcohol, girls, music, debauchery…” Knox says around a bite of my burger, a smirk still somehow managing to grace his face that causes a flush to climb up my neck and towards my face.

“Yeah, man. I think it’s time that we break our boy Corbin in, Endover style…it’s long past due,” Gentry says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling my body into his.

Gentry seems to garner plenty of attention from the stories that I’ve heard, what with his dark blonde hair, chocolate brown eyes, and flawless tanned skin. He towers over my 5’3” frame, my guess would be that he’s around six foot or so, and he’s built like a linebacker.

He was the first person that I met when I arrived here, and he immediately took me under his wing, introducing me to his posse— everyone immediately treating me as one of their own. However, the action has made me feel incredibly guilty considering almost everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie.

“Maybe… I’ll think about it,” I murmur with a shrug.

Maybe a night out is exactly what I need. My drug-addled brain convinced me that it would even be all right to go as myself: not as Corbin McEvoy the boy, but as Averi the girl.

I get lost in the possibility as the guy’s finish eating, talking crap on each other, and having an all-around good time.

I miss those kinds of friendships.

The kind that you can give each other a hard time, joke and carry on, and still know that they’re your best friend and will have your back no matter what.

Maybe one day, I think to myself as we all I watch and listen to the guys around me, missing the life that I once had.