Music Sounds Better With You

Dear Britney,

Today is the last day of the school year. I'm excited for the next one—though I don't even know why. I will be a senior next year... then college. I don't want to think too far ahead, because I still have no idea what course I'll take in college.

I don't have any solid plans for summer either. Maybe that's why I'm not really excited about it. Right now, I'm packing my books and notebooks from my locker. Most of the students have already gone home.

I can hear Arya and Zara approaching, talking loudly like they want everyone to hear their conversation. One of them pokes me, and I immediately look up to see both of their excited faces. Arya has her heavy backpack on, while Zara's bag looks practically empty.

"What's your plan this summer?" Arya asks.

"I…" I start, but Zara cuts me off.

"We bought three tickets to The Pedals' Music Camp! You are coming with us!!!" she says, hopping like a child.

"The Pedal? That gay group you like? The—"

Arya rushes toward me and covers my mouth like we're fugitives on the run.

"Don't say that!" she whispers sharply.

I yank her hand away, annoyed. I frown and start putting the rest of my books in my bag before closing my locker.

"Why'd you have to do that?" I ask.

Zara walks up to me as I pass by them. Arya places a hand on my shoulder.

"Well, we realized your birthday falls on the third day of camp," Arya says, stretching her arms dramatically like she's presenting a masterpiece. "We thought maybe you'd want to share your talent with the world."

"But I don't have to." I say quickly.

I leave them and start walking home. I told you before the school only a 15-minute walk, so there's no need for a jeepney or tricycle. I can hear Zara and Arya calling my name behind me, but I don't look back. When they finally catch up, one of them pushes me and I nearly trip.

"What?" I ask, turning around.

"You left us! I just went back to grab my bag." Zara says.

"Come on, E! The camp's going to be freaking amazing!" Arya pleads.

"My mom won't let me." I reply.

"Ooh, that's not a problem. We'll talk to her! Right, Z?"

As we get closer to my house, the two of them start singing one of The Pedal's songs—loudly. I cover my ears, but unfortunately, their voices are still very audible. People start looking at us like we're lunatics. I feel embarrassed—what if they think I'm a fan too? Gross. But okay, fine, they do sing well, so I guess they get a pass. Still, I'm annoyed.

When we reach my house, they run up to my mom and kiss her on the cheek. Then, they immediately start gushing about the camp. Arya squeals in excitement.

"That's a nice idea, Elise." Mom says.

"Mom, they didn't even ask for my permission before buying me a ticket." I say, slapping my palm to my face in disappointment. "Wait, is it safe? Will it be all teenagers? Who's going to look after you?" she asks.

"You're going to love it there. Try some outdoor activities for a change, it's summer." Mom says.

Zara and Arya jump in, explaining everything—about the managers, the roadies, the coaches, and the house staff who'll be supervising. They beg her for permission. After a few more questions, she agrees.

"I'll make snacks for you girls." Mom says and heads to the kitchen.

"Your mom said yes! I've never been this happy." Arya squeals.

"I've never been this disappointed in my mom." I mutter.

"I can hear you." Mom yells from the kitchen.

I roll my eyes and look at Zara.

"Well, actually... it would be a nice experience." Zara says thoughtfully.

"That's what I've been thinking too. Thank you, Zara, for saying it out loud." Mom says as she returns with a tray of orange juice and sandwiches.

After we finish eating, the girls thank Mom and head home. I give her a long, disappointed look. She starts cleaning up, stacking the dishes. Then she crosses her arms and stares at me seriously.

"Don't start with me, Elise." she says.

"But you know I hate being around people I barely know!" I yell, frustration bubbling over.

I get up and start pacing the living room. She stays seated, watching me with sorrow in her eyes. You know how close we are she's always been one of the few people I can run to. Maybe that's why this hurts so much. She finally gets up, places her hands on my shoulders, and looks at me gently.

"It's good for you. It might help you move on." she says.

I look down at the ground.

"I don't think I can do that, Mom."

"But you need to meet people — it's the only way you'll be able to move on."

Her words hit me hard. My eyes well up. I can't help but think about everything that happened three years ago… and even more recently. It feels like it wasn't just years ago; it feels like a lifetime. Why do bad things keep happening like a never-ending domino effect? One thing after another, and now I'm stuck with the aftermath, not even knowing why I deserve it.

"Stop thinking about it. You don't have to carry all that pain, Elise." Mom says softly.

She hugs me and kisses my forehead before heading to the kitchen with the dishes. I grab my bag and go straight to my room. Like always, when painful memories start creeping in, I drown them out with music, loud music. It helps me concentrate.

I lie on my bed for a moment before getting up to turn on the speaker and blast my favorite songs while cleaning my room. I haven't had time lately because of finals, and today's finally my chance to declutter.

I'll go now, Brit. Bye.

Elise