No Going Back

Before my husband married me, a girl chased him for five years like her life depended on it. But he fell for me at first sight.

Three years later, that girl came back to Boston a success—an internationally known photographer, dazzlingly beautiful.

And me? A stay-at-home mom, a hundred and forty-something pounds, with nothing to show for myself.

At a get-together, someone teased Julian.

“You know Sloane’s still saving herself for you…”

He cut the man off on the spot. “Don’t talk nonsense!”

But that night, he stood out on the balcony and smoked until dawn.

1

When I heard Sloane was back, I was changing my daughter’s diaper.

My hands stopped. “She’s going to be there tonight?”

Julian was looking down, fastening his cuff links. A glint of metal caught the light and made me squint.

“Mm. She grew up with Felix. Tonight’s basically Felix’s welcome-home party for her.”

“Are you coming?”

He asked the way he always did.

Since our daughter was born, I’d barely gone out with him to see anyone, so he didn’t really mean it.

But this time, when I opened my mouth to give my usual no, something else came out instead.

“Sure.”

Julian paused for half a second.

But he’d always been a man who kept up appearances. He didn’t let much show on his face.

“Okay. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

When Julian and I walked into the restaurant’s private room, the place went quiet for a beat.

Once we sat down, an elegant woman with long hair at the center of the group tilted her head and looked our way.

“Julian. It’s been a long time.”

Her voice was bright and easy, her whole manner poised.

Julian looked at her, smiled, and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Sloane, don’t you recognize my wife?”

Sloane gave a little “Oh!” “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you for a second. Hi, Claire.”

I smiled faintly and nodded. “Hi.”

I’d barely spoken when she turned her head away, and the corners of her eyes seemed to go pink.

“You can’t blame Sloane for not recognizing her. Claire has… changed a bit.”

Felix, a rich kid through and through, slouched back and slid his eyes over to me, his gaze skimming my face like it was nothing.

Sloane was his childhood friend. He’d never liked me.

My face went hot all at once, and I tugged at the hem of my top without thinking.

After the baby, my weight had gone from a hundred and six pounds to a hundred and forty-three. My slim figure had turned heavy and bloated, and my face had gained a few soft rings of its own.

That was why I hadn’t wanted to go out these past few years.

“Watch your mouth, you brat!”

Julian grabbed a lighter off the table and threw it at Felix.

Felix glanced at me and knocked back his whiskey. “Fine, my bad. I’ll drink to that!”

Everyone started asking Sloane about the last few years, all talking at once.

She was a well-known photographer now. Not long ago, a series she’d shot in Africa had won a major international award.

“Remember when Sloane used to follow Julian around with a camera on her back? Now she’s not just a big-deal photographer, she’s an influencer. She posted once and picked up over a hundred thousand followers!”

“Sloane’s changed so much. I didn’t even recognize her at first—I thought some supermodel had walked in, ha!”

Sloane listened to the flattery with a faint smile.

She held a slim cigarette loosely between her fingers. Her cascading curls were swept over one shoulder, and a beautifully cut leather jacket showed off her figure. She looked bold and sultry all at once.

I looked down at myself.

Flat loafers. Wide-leg pants. A baggy blazer that didn’t fit the room at all—and that was the one halfway-formal thing I’d managed to dig out after tearing my closet apart before we left.

In the middle of all these stylish, polished young people.

I was a joke.

For a moment, I felt dazed.

Just three years ago, Sloane had been crying and begging me.

“Claire, please, just let me have Julian. I liked him first! You have so many guys after you. Why do you have to take him from me?”

At heart, I’m a gentle person.

Low energy, high sensitivity. I hate confrontation, and fighting another woman over a man was the last thing I’d ever do.

So I really did hesitate. I told Julian I wanted to break up. We hadn’t been together long, and we weren’t that tied to each other yet.

Julian, who was always so steady, went red in the eyes. He brought Sloane to me and said, harshly:

“I don’t like you. I could say it ten thousand times and I still wouldn’t. Claire is the only woman I’ll ever love. Please stop interfering in my life!”

On the way home that day, Sloane was so out of it that she got into a car accident. She spent more than two weeks in the hospital. Felix called to scream at him, but Julian never went to see her once.

Back then, I suppose everyone saw me as the winner of that little triangle.

And now…

All of a sudden, I was on pins and needles. I bitterly regretted coming. I looked up to ask Julian when we were leaving and found him gazing in Sloane’s direction.

Over there, Sloane had taken off her leather jacket, showing off her full chest and a waist without an ounce of fat, while a circle of people listened to her stories.

“Out on the African savanna, I watched a lion and a cheetah face off over a kill. In that moment, I felt the sheer power and rhythm of life.”

In the middle of all the murmurs of admiration, Julian spoke up.

“Sounds like all those years out in the world paid off.”

Sloane turned to look at him and gave him a radiant smile. She said just two words, softly.

“They did.”

Julian didn’t say anything more. He lowered his eyes and slowly sipped his drink.

Suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I got up and went to the restroom.

On the way back, I passed the terrace and caught sight of Julian smoking out there with a few other men.

Their voices carried.

“Sloane’s way out of our league now. Jules, you were so cold to her all these years—were you really never tempted? Not once? Never had a single regret?”

Julian’s voice was flat.

“The colder I was to her, the better it was for her. Isn’t this better? She’s become someone incredible, and I didn’t hold her back. So all of you can stop saying pointless things.”

“Yeah, it’s all pointless now. Look how tight your wife’s holding on to you—she never goes anywhere and then suddenly she shows up today. Not to be crude, but even if she caught you in bed with someone, she’d never let go of her meal ticket! Ha ha ha…”

The rest of them drifted off laughing, leaving just Julian and Felix.

Felix suddenly laughed.

“You know what? Sloane’s still saving herself for you…”

A brief silence—

“Don’t talk nonsense!”

Julian’s voice cracked out, cold and sharp.