PRETEND YOU’RE MINE (#1 Hargrove series)

Nora pov

Three Years Ago* 

“I want more, oh please don’t stop.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them. 

I should have said stop from the beginning. I had wanted to. But every time the word formed in my throat something else came out instead.

 “please go harder, don’t fucking stop” desperate and shameless that didn’t sound like me at all. Except it was me. That was the part I couldn’t escape.

My right hand twisted in the bedsheets. My left hand was buried in Cal’s curly hair. My legs spread across with Cal in between, he kept going in and out between my thighs, this was my first sex, and my body was happy about this feeling.

One minute my face was buried in the pillow, his hands on my waist, his hip hitting my butt, and the next I was on top of him riding his cock, like I had completely lost my mind. Maybe I had. Nothing about this should have felt safe and this good. But it did.

It went on for hours. Long enough that by the time it was over my body had stopped keeping track. Long enough that when the silence finally arrived I didn’t know what to do with it.

I turned to my left. Cal was sleeping so peacefully. His chest rose and fell steadily. He looked exactly like himself, like my best friend, the boy I had known for fifteen years, the person who was supposed to be completely off limits.

He had kissed me after the sex, soft and slow, That kiss was what brought me back to reality.

He’s dating Jade, Jade wasn’t just a normal cousin, she was my favorite, Guilt didn’t come gradually. It arrived all at once, heavy and complete, like it had been waiting outside the door the whole time.

Buzz. Buzz.

I found my phone on the couch across the room. The screen was lit up with missed calls, fourteen missed calls from Jade.

My stomach dropped straight through the floor. I quickly grabbed my things without turning the light on. Every small sound felt enormous, the zip of my bag, the scrape of my shoe against the floor, the click of the door handle. Cal was still asleep. His roommate wasn’t back yet. I slipped out into the corridor and pulled the door shut behind me as carefully as if I were defusing something.

Outside the night air hit me like a verdict. My hostel wasn’t far. I was almost there when my phone lit up again.

It was Jade. Cold moved through my whole body. I stopped walking. Took a deep breath. 

“Hello, Jaddi,” I said, reaching for her nickname like something to steady myself on.

What I heard from the other end stopped me completely.

She was crying.

“Nora, where have you been? I’ve been calling and calling”

“Hey… Hey… Jade. Slow down. One thing at a time, okay?”

She tried. Between broken words and sharp inhales I managed to piece together enough to follow.

“Nora, it’s over,” she finally said. “I ended things with Cal tonight. He admitted he had feelings for someone else.”

I don’t remember ending the call. One moment Jade’s voice was in my ear and the next I was standing in the dark corridor outside my hostel with the phone at my side and a sound in my chest like something structural giving way.

He has feelings for someone else. And I just….. I pressed my back against the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor with my knees pulled to my chest.

I gave myself to him because I had feelings I was never supposed to have. Because he came to me and I didn’t stop it. Because some stupid, selfish part of me wanted to know what it felt like just once.

My face was burning. My hands were shaking. I felt completely stupid. Completely wrong. Completely alone with something I could never tell anyone.

All I could do was run. I packed my things and went home the next morning. I ignored every call, every message, every mention of his name. When I saw that Jade was slowly finding her footing again, laughing at things, making plans, moving forward, I made a decision.

I cut Cal off completely. No explanation, No goodbye. I told myself it was the least I could do. A quiet penance for the worst thing I had ever done.

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Months stacked into years so quietly I almost didn’t notice, until I looked up one day and three of them were gone.

I had shut every memory behind a door and refused to open it.

I had gotten very good at refusing.

“Nora… Nora, are you still there?” Marcus’s voice pulled me back so suddenly I had to blink to remember where I was.

My bedroom, My iPad on my lap, Three hours that had apparently passed without my full participation.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m here. Sorry.”

“Did you watch the video I sent?”

“Yes. I watched it.” Nine times. “What exactly is this for?”

“You’ve been assigned to cover it,” Marcus said. “Cal Reid is about to lose everything, scholarship, captaincy, his shot at the final tournament. The school wants to help him rebuild his image and they need someone with your instincts on this. Someone who can handle it with the right kind of care.” A pause and long exhale. 

“Nora, this is the opportunity you’ve been working toward. The whole team is behind you. Good luck.” The call ended.

I looked at my iPad screen. The video was fourteen seconds long. I had watched it nine times in under three hours and I still couldn’t explain why I kept pressing play. 

His jersey had his name across the back, Callum. 21. The moment happened fast. Cal had hit someone, violently and completely unlike the person I used to know.

A thousand questions arrived at once.

How do I face him? How do I work beside him for three weeks and pretend I’m a professional and pretend I’m fine and pretend three years of silence was nothing?

I grabbed my phone and texted Marcus. Please can someone else take this. I have something else to cover.

His reply came fast.”NO NORA, YOUR NAME HAS BEEN SUBMITTED.”

“Changing the assignment now puts our accreditation at risk. This affects both our careers. Don’t do this, Nora. Good night”

I stared at the screen for a moment. Then I put the phone down, I stood up and switched off the light.

I just needed to sleep, that was the only way to escape my thoughts, I needed to wake up tomorrow and find out my life had rearranged itself into something more manageable overnight.

I walked back to switch off the iPad. Pressed play instead.Watched him for the tenth time. Two seconds before the hit, that stillness, that expression, something only I would recognize

That wasn’t rage on his face, that was grief.

And I was the only person watching who knew the difference.