Rebirth As A Naughty Queen

Boston, Massachusetts 

June 15, 2018

I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt a little prettier now. After working hard to collect my pocket money for three months, I was finally able to buy a make-up set which was said to be very good.

I learned how to apply make-up properly through beauty channels on YouTube and I did all this just so that people would stop calling me the ugly duckling. 

After I thought I had enough, I walked out of the clothes I had just bought and what made me feel so enthusiastic today was because Xavier invited me to watch a movie at the cinema. 

"Xavier...!" I called him while waving when I saw him standing in front of the cinema. Damn, he's so handsome. How could a man as handsome as him be my friend? 

Xavier looked at me with a smile. His smile made my heart beat very fast. Xavier is the only friend I had in high school or maybe even the only friend I have ever had in my life. But can I have a little hope?

"You're late, Jane!" 

"I-I'm sorry! I'll treat you to lunch at a cafe instead!"

"It's okay, I'll treat you! I invited you, so you don't need to think about it!" He said. Yes, that's what Xavier is like, he's very kind even to an ugly duckling like me.

I walked with him to the ticket queue. Xavier looked relaxed and calm as usual, not caring if everyone looked at us with strange looks, he seemed to ignore it.

"Look at that couple, how strange, right? They don't really match! That guy is too handsome for that girl!"

"Hihihi...that girl's face isn't really that great! It looks like an alien in a science fiction movie!"

"The guy is really handsome, how could such an ugly girl get such a handsome guy?"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I heard one by one the words addressed to me and Xavier. They obviously think we're an odd couple, but Xavier and I aren't that kind of couple, we're just friends. Even though my little heart hopes that we can be more than just friends, I don't burden Xavier with my selfish feelings. 

"Don't listen to what they say!" Xavier said. I was surprised, did he know that I was feeling low self-esteem?

I, who was originally bowed because I didn't dare show my face in front of many people, slowly lifted my face upwards with just one sentence that Xavier said.

"You're beautiful if you can be more confident, Jennie! Therefore, lift your face and smile!"

My eyes are wet, I really can't believe that in my life the day will come when I hear such beautiful words from someone.

Xavier rubbed my head gently, he tried to calm me down. I really wanted to tell him that I was very grateful to him, because he was the first time I got medicine to heal the pain I felt in my heart.

Xavier, thank you. Can we be friends forever? Can I see you like this forever? Can I have a little hope even though I know my hope is a little unworthy of being realized?

But the happiest day will never last long in my life. Because I know, my life is not destined to be beautiful like a princess from a fairy tale. Being born and growing up as a woman who is not beautiful makes me often curse myself. I hate my face, I hate my life and I how people look at me like I'm some weird character in a fantasy movie.

"You want to have a plastic surgery procedure?" Mom asked when I asked her to give me extra money because my savings weren't enough.

"Th-that, I thought you were married to a rich man. So I thought you could help me, Mom!" I asked. I know this sounds strange, but I had no other choice but to ask mom for help. 

I've graduated from high school and it's a little difficult for me to get a good job because people think that I'm not attractive and they think my face is scary.

"You don't need plastic surgery, you just need to use make up properly!"

"But that doesn't change anything, Mom! Therefore, can you lend me some money? If I get a good job and earn a lot of money, I will definitely reimburse you, Mom!" 

I started begging her to borrow me money. My mother was a stingy woman, even after she remarried a rich man, she was still too calculating towards me, her only daughter. However, if my two brothers asked her for money, without needing to ask why they were asking for money, she would definitely immediately give whatever they asked for.

"Agh...it's annoying, she really is a selective mother!" I thought.

"Mom, I beg you! I at least want to have surgery on my nose and jaw! I don't want to be ridiculed as Thanos and Shrek because of my jaw and nose!" 

"Okay, I'll lend you the money. But promise me after that you have to get a good job and stop asking me for money, do you understand?"

"Oh my God, I never even asked you for anything, Mom! I just want mercy from you. You are my mother, aren't you hurt when you hear your daughter being insulted by other people?"

"Your face like that is exactly like your late father. I don't want to think your face is bad because that would be the same as me insulting your late father. Do you understand?"

I fell silent hearing mother's words, I think she is right. I am very similar to my father who died when I was 10 years old. Dad is a very good and great man, that's why mom loves him. But I just feel like this is a little unfair to me. Because he is a man, as long as he has a good job and enough money, there will always be women who want him. But for a woman like me, being ugly means a curse because no man will want me. 

I pondered this while thinking back about Xavier. I hate him, but on the one hand I really love him. He felt sorry for me who had no friends, that's why he approached me. Yes, definitely because of that. 

"Jennie, physical beauty is not eternal. As time goes by, we will grow old and become unattractive. But if you have a beautiful heart, you will shine forever."

The words he said that day were deeply embedded in my heart. He said it with a smile and it made me feel like I wanted him even more. But once again I realized, no matter how hard he tried to comfort me, in the end he still didn't want me as his girlfriend.

I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling of the operating room before the doctor gave me anesthesia. I hate the shape of my jaw and my nose, but that doesn't mean I hate my father who passed these genes on to me. I just want to be the best version that is inside me. 

"Dad, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry. But I want to repay my hurt for the injustice I've experienced all this time. I just want to be a beautiful girl, that's all."