The Godfather‘s Wedding: I Stole His Wife But Got Mistaken for His Brother
Ryu · Ongoing · 11.8k Words
Introduction
On the outside, I roar with sheer arrogance: "The debt collector has returned from Hell!"
On the inside, I’m sobbing hysterically: "Mommy, save me! I really don‘t want to act tough!"
My name is Arthur, a complete coward whose hands shake even when trying to kill a chicken.
That was, until I was bound to a completely unhinged [Absolute Bully System].
[Ding! Novice Bully Quest: Crash the Mafia banquet and splash red wine on the face of the corporate heiress!]
[Ding! Advanced Quest: Steal the Underground Godfather's wife!]
[Ding! Ultimate Quest: Walk right up to the Underground Godfather and slap him mercilessly across the face!]
"Screw you! I don't even have the guts to kill a chicken, and you want me to beat up the Emperor of the Underworld? No way! I'd rather starve to death than dig my own grave!"
[Ding! Host's refusal detected. Punishment impending: Serial sphincter rupture resulting in explosive public diarrhea, accompanied by penile retraction into the abdomen, and the reverse fracturing of all 206 bones. It will take seven days and seven nights for you to finally die! Countdown: 3 seconds.]
"... System Daddy, I was wrong."
To avoid dying of explosive diarrhea, I had no choice but to let the System control my body, kick the doors open, heft a Gatling gun, and laugh maniacally: "So you're supposed to be the Underground Emperor?!"
But deep down in my heart, I was wailing uncontrollably: "Mommy, save me! I really don't want to act tough anymore!"
Chapter 1
My name is Arthur, Atlantic City’s number one pauper and absolute peerless coward.
On the outside, I roar with sheer arrogance: "The debt collector has returned from Hell!"
On the inside, I’m sobbing hysterically: "Mommy, save me! I really don‘t want to act tough!"
My name is Arthur, a complete coward whose hands shake even when trying to kill a chicken.
That was, until I was bound to a completely unhinged [Absolute Bully System].
[Ding! Novice Bully Quest: Crash the Mafia banquet and splash red wine on the face of the corporate heiress!]
[Ding! Advanced Quest: Steal the Underground Godfather's wife!]
[Ding! Ultimate Quest: Walk right up to the Underground Godfather and slap him mercilessly across the face!]
"Screw you! I don't even have the guts to kill a chicken, and you want me to beat up the Emperor of the Underworld? No way! I'd rather starve to death than dig my own grave!"
[Ding! Host's refusal detected. Punishment impending: Serial sphincter rupture resulting in explosive public diarrhea, accompanied by penile retraction into the abdomen, and the reverse fracturing of all 206 bones. It will take seven days and seven nights for you to finally die! Countdown: 3 seconds.]
"... System Daddy, I was wrong."
To avoid dying of explosive diarrhea, I had no choice but to let the System control my body, kick the doors open, heft a Gatling gun, and laugh maniacally: "So you're supposed to be the Underground Emperor?!"
But deep down in my heart, I was wailing uncontrollably: "Mommy, save me! I really don't want to act tough anymore!"
Chapter 1
Atlantic City. Pouring rain.
My name is Arthur, a useless piece of trash who has to sell blood just to scrape together next month's rent.
But right now, I am standing outside the "Crown" Hotel, the most luxurious hotel in all of America. Inside, the wedding of my ex-girlfriend, Victoria, and the Underground Emperor, Gabriel, is taking place.
Three months ago, she took my last 30,000 dollars in savings as a "status fee," had her bodyguards break one of my ribs, and tossed me into a slum sewer like a dead dog.
And the man she is marrying tonight is a mafia monarch who could make the West Coast run with blood just by snapping his fingers. Even the Pentagon has to show him some respect.
Any random guest inside this hotel is a living demon who ranks high on international wanted lists.
Normally, if I came within a hundred meters of this door, I'd be shot into a chunk of Swiss cheese.
But I didn't run.
Because my brain had just been bound to something even more psychotic than the Mafia—
[Ding! Absolute Bully System successfully bound!]
[Detected that the Host was previously played like a dog by his ex-fiancée! As the sole inheritor of the 'Will of Domination,' how can you tolerate such a humiliating disgrace?!]
[Supreme Main Quest Issued: Revenge against Victoria! Requirement: An all-encompassing, extremely vicious absolute bullying! Make her kneel and repent!]
[Failure Punishment: You will retain full consciousness while all four limbs are amputated to turn you into a human swine, then you will be forcibly stuffed into an Atlantic City public restroom cesspool to soak for 10,000 years. You will never be granted release.]
"I'll screw your ancestors—! Ten thousand years?!"
My inner self let out a tragically desolate howl.
I don't even dare to kill a chicken, and you want me to go out and bully the woman of the Mafia Pope?!
[Ding! Detected that the Host currently has zero combat power and a cowardly mental state. Forcibly triggering a Novice Side Quest!]
[Quest: Bully the two mob guards at the door! Requirement: Must draw blood! Must be extremely arrogant!]
[Failure Punishment: Serial sphincter rupture, publicly spraying diarrhea until severe dehydration occurs; followed by the reverse fracturing of all bones; ending with penile retraction and abdominal explosion. Countdown: 30 seconds.]
[Time Remaining: 5 seconds.]
My tailbone suddenly twitched—that desperate spasm of "imminent eruption" shot right up my spine to the back of my head.
This damn System was serious!
I was just about to turn and run, but agonizing cramps were already tearing through my abdomen. I didn't even dare let out a fart.
If I didn't complete the quest in thirty seconds, I would make the front page of the Atlantic City morning paper by dying through "street-side explosive diarrhea and abdominal rupture."
"Hey, bug over there. The hell are you looking at?"
Before I could burst into tears, the two "mountains of meat" outside the bronze doors locked onto me.
They were two towering, two-meter-tall bald men with scarred faces. Under their suits, their muscles bulged, and the outlines of submachine gun stocks under their armpits were clearly visible.
One of the bald guards strode forward, looking down at me like I was a piece of dog shit. His mouth twisted into a cruel sneer: "On the joyous day of His Highness Gabriel, a stray dog like you dares to come begging for scraps? Sitting inside tonight are world-class underworld titans. A piece of trash like you simply breathing the air here is a capital offense!"
He reached out a massive hand that could crush walnuts and poked a thick finger hard into my dislocated rib. I gasped in pain.
"Get lost! Or I'll shove you into a meat grinder!"
Normally, I would have dropped to my knees with a "thump" and cried, "Spare my life, boss!" But the System countdown hit zero—
[Forcibly taking over facial nerve centers. Fanatical Camouflage, activated.]
In the split second I opened my mouth to beg for mercy, the System forcibly stretched my expression into an anti-human curve: my mouth cracked open from ear to ear, and the 'I'm sorry' in my throat was twisted into a scalp-numbing, hoarse shriek of laughter.
"Heh... hehehe... hahahaha——!!!"
The voice reeked of neuroticism, sickness, and a thirst for flesh and blood. It was the exact sound of public enemy number one fresh out of Arkham Asylum.
"Are you fucking crazy?!"
The bald guard was stunned by this eerie, maniacal laughter. The scar-faced guard on the steps also frowned, staring at me like I was a monster.
I'm not crazy! The System in my head is crazy! Please don't take it personally, boss!!!
In my mind, I was furiously kowtowing, crying a river of tears. But the System unapologetically puppeted my body—
"I" spun around with extreme arrogance, grabbed an exorbitantly expensive bottle of Dom Pérignon champagne from the nearby reception stand, swung my arm, and smashed it down!
"Bang—Crack!!!"
The wine bottle exploded against the bald man's shiny skull! Golden champagne mixed with crimson blood, blooming into a gruesome, macabre firework under the pouring rain!
The terrifying kinetic force made the two-hundred-and-something-pound heavy enforcer's eyes roll back. With a heavy thud, he face-planted into a puddle, his fate unknown.
[Ding! Side Quest Successful! Death punishment lifted!]
[Rewards Distributed: CQC (Close Quarters Combat) Mastery, Localized Titanium Bulletproof Skin (Hands + Face).]
"Buzz—" Massive amounts of combat data flooded my brain. The bones in my hands transmitted a cold, hard sensation, and my pain receptors were instantly severed.
Dead silence fell over the area.
Only the "rustle" of the heavy rain washing away the blood could be heard.
The scar-faced guard on the steps and the valet who had just gotten out of a Rolls-Royce both stared at me with wide eyes, as if they had just seen a ghost.
Shock, trembling, extreme absurdity—
How was this possible?! This loser who looked like he couldn't even pay his rent had just knocked out a Mafia enforcer with one swing of a wine bottle?!
The most terrifying part was that he was covered in blood, and he was still laughing maniacally like a demon!
"What... what the fuck kind of monster are you..."
The scar-faced guard's voice trembled; an unprecedented terror gripped his heart. He abruptly drew an M1911 from his waist and aimed the muzzle at me. "Don't move! I'll shoot you!"
Ahhh he pulled a gun! I'm gonna die I'm gonna die!!!
My soul was screaming and fleeing out in the rain.
But my body, now endowed with CQC mastery, was faster than bullets.
I stepped forward into the gun barrel. Terrified, the scar-face squeezed the trigger!
"Bang!"
The bullet grazed my cheek and sparked against the wall behind me. Meanwhile, my half-face—which was now covered with titanium skin—didn't even suffer a scratch.
The scar-face's pupils quaked violently, as if he literally saw Satan descending.
My left hand gripped the smoking hot gun barrel like hydraulic pliers, while my right hand formed a knife-hand strike and chopped viciously at his wrist joint.
"Crack—"
His gun-holding arm instantly snapped at a grotesque ninety-degree angle.
"Ahhhhh—!"
I kicked out, breaking his knee and forcing him to kneel in the mud, then stepped sharply on the side of his face, grinding his pain-contorted features deep into a puddle.
The System modulated my vocal cords. I heard myself speak in an incredibly cold, grim reaper-like, mocking tone:
"Go tell the suit-wearing sons of bitches inside. The debt collector has returned from Hell."
The valet collapsed by the tires of the Rolls-Royce, pissing himself all over the wet pavement. He looked at me the way one looks at a mythological lunatic capable of tearing up dragons with his bare hands.
Only I knew that the sole of the foot I had planted on the mobster's face was shaking like a broken spin-dryer.
[Ding! Detected the Host's highly effective posturing! Initiation of the 'Will of Domination' awakened!]
[Advanced Side Quest Activated (Main Quest Warm-up): Kick open the banquet doors! Withstand the muzzles of every thug in the room, walk up to the stage! Publicly slap the Patriarch of the Vito Family! And treat Victoria to a red wine facial wash!]
[Quest Rewards: Basic Firearms Mastery (Submachine Guns), Localized Healing Factor.]
[Failure Punishment: Barbed spikes will grow inside your urethra, endlessly growing inward while triggering penile retraction and abdominal explosion. Your bones will be crushed inch by inch, and you will wail for seven days and seven nights before dying!]
My maniacal laugh completely froze on my face.
Slap the Don in front of the world's most ruthless Mafia? Splash red wine on that venomous woman?! That room was the power center of Atlantic City! There were at least dozens of Thompson submachine guns in there!
If I walk in, a very high probability I get shot to pieces. If I don't walk in—urethral reverse spikes, abdominal explosion, and soaking in a cesspool for 10,000 years.
Lesser of two evils.
Fuck the Mafia.
I took a deep breath of the freezing air, thick with the smell of blood. Under the valet's utterly horrified gaze, I picked up the jagged, blood-dripping half of the bottle and strutted with absolute arrogance straight toward the solid brass doors emblazoned with the double-headed eagle crest.
Inside, the melodious classical symphony was reaching its crescendo.
"Open the damn door—for me!"
My right leg channeled immense power, delivering a devastating kick like a cannonball!
"BOOM——!!!"
The heavy brass doors wailed in agony and blasted open, crashing against the walls!
The blinding golden light of the banquet hall instantly poured out into the cold, rainy night. The symphony ground to an abrupt halt.
Hundreds of suited thugs with bulging waistbands, along with Victoria, who was standing on the high platform with exquisite makeup and holding a glass of wine—
Hundreds of eyes brimming with murderous intent turned in unison, nailing themselves to the doorway.
And I, bearing the crushing weight of a room full of absolute power, cracked a feral grin more hideous than a demon's, and took a long stride right into the killing zone.
I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm really dead this time.
Mommy, I want to go home—
[Ding! Detected that the Host has entered the core battlefield! A new death countdown, initiated—]
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