Say You Mean It

I've always taken things seriously. Even as a kid, I only trusted what I heard for myself.

My best friend said both the boys I'd grown up with had feelings for me.

I went straight to one of them. “Connor, do you like me?”

The tips of his ears turned red, but his answer was sharp. “Get over yourself. Take a look in the mirror. You're short and ugly. Why would I like you?”

I nodded. Okay. Then I found the other one. “Ethan, do you like me?”

He froze for a moment, then said each word clearly. “Yes. I like you. Very, very much.”

I still wasn't sure. With their birthday coming up, I gave each of them a present.

Connor immediately tossed his behind him. “What is this? It's hideous. The girl next door got me something way better.”

Ethan held his carefully against his chest. “I'm so happy. This is the best present I've ever gotten. I'll take good care of it.”

Now I knew. My best friend was wrong. Only Ethan liked me.

Later, as my birthday approached, Connor showed up outside my building early and tossed over two movie tickets.

“Hey, I found these. I've got nothing to do today, so I guess I can go with you—”

I looked at him, then at the tickets, and shook my head.

“I'm going to pass. I've got plans with my boyfriend. I forgot to tell you. Ethan and I are together.”

——————

My parents divorced when I was seven.

They both thought I was stupid. A burden. When they left, neither one wanted to take me.

For a long time afterward, whenever I closed my eyes, I saw their backs as they walked away. Neither of them looked back.

I became awkward and painfully insecure. I took everything people said seriously and kept asking questions until I was certain of the answer.

After my only close friend moved away and changed schools, I couldn't seem to make another one.

Then a family of three moved into the empty place next to Grandma's, and I finally had a friend again.

His name was Connor Hayes. He had two dimples when he smiled.

By then, I'd gotten used to being left out. He was the first person to come up and talk to me.

Later, Ethan Brooks moved into our neighborhood. He was the best student in our grade, and somehow he became my friend too.

Connor talked constantly and had a vicious mouth. Ethan was quiet and kept to himself. I was the clueless one stuck between them.

Somehow, we fit. The three of us spent more than ten years together.

The day after we took our college graduation pictures, we went hiking.

I'd chosen bright platform shoes to go with my outfit because I wanted good pictures. On the way down, I hurried to catch up with Connor, missed my footing, and twisted my ankle.

He turned around almost the instant he heard me and came back.

“Nora! What happened?”

My ankle was already swelling. It hurt so much my eyes filled with tears. Looking up and seeing him there, I couldn't hold them back anymore.

“Connor, I twisted my ankle. It really hurts—”

He cut me off.

“Nora, are you an idiot?”

“You knew we were hiking, and you wore shoes that high? I saw them this morning and couldn't believe it.”

“What were you thinking? Is there anything in that head of yours?”

I held my ankle and sucked in a breath. My voice shook.

“Can you stop lecturing me for a minute? I'm really hurting.”

His voice only got colder.

“Good. Maybe now you'll learn. Let's see if you wear shoes like that hiking again.”

“You're an adult, Nora. Why do you still act like a kid who never thinks anything through?”

“You're always this stupid. How are you going to manage anything in the real world?”

Each accusation made me feel worse. I pressed my lips together and stopped answering, gently rubbing my ankle instead.

Connor frowned at once and smacked my hand away.

“You really are an idiot. Rubbing it will only make the swelling worse. Don't you know that?”

“Whatever. You're wasting my time. Come here. I'll carry you—”

He stopped halfway through.