Sink or Stay

Vanessa's POV

There are people who are actually excited to resume school, I just happen to not be one of them, there’s little to no excitement in me as my mum drives toward the front gates of Sterlingview University.

My phone screen catches my attention again. A familiar image is still flashing at me. It’s my own face on the school’s Instagram blog. 

I use my index finger to tap the caption, even though I was trying to avoid it.

“Will Vanessa Miller bring the BUCS home to us this year, or will she even qualify?” I read the last part again "or will she even qualify?" I pull a face turning off the screen, and shove my phone back into my pocket.

Here again, expected to be the best, to compete.

Summer was so hectic that sometimes I wish I could just bury myself in something else. But British Universities & Colleges Sport is the biggest thing on my mind this year, and I don't just want to win.

I want a new record, and my name on that board, as much as my mum who was once a great swimmer herself. Knowing how far she could have gone makes me want to go even farther, just to prove that every exhausting morning in the pool was worth it. 

When we finally pull up in front of my new dorm building, I get out of the car. My mum inhales, spread her arms, and rush toward me.

“Welcome to third year!” she says, wrapping her arms tightly around me, as if we didn’t just drive here in the same car.

I hug her back, coughing slightly as her expensive vanilla perfume hits me before she lets me go.

I'm about to step away, when she quickly pulls out her phone holding it up high as she slides right next to me.

Click. She snaps a picture, checks it, then starts typing.

I sigh inwardly, knowing exactly what she’s about to post to get that media engagement.

"Let’s bring that gold home!" she says out loud as she types. "#BUCS2026 #SterlingviewSwim"

Of course, my mum never misses a chance to turn me into a headline. She’s been like this since my freshman year, always thinking about the next post and the next story people will see.

But honestly, I want a life that belongs to me. I always wanted to be Vanessa before I became the popular swimmer. Being watched all the time is suffocating. I want to make mistakes and have fun without everyone watching.

Don’t get me wrong, I love swimming. But the pressure that comes with it? I can’t even begin to explain.

I pull my hoodie over my head and adjust my glasses as I notice a small group of students nearby. I’d rather not give them a reason to stop and point at me.

As much as I need a distraction, I still can’t afford to be distracted. I need to meet my grade requirements this semester. I can’t screw it up. My scholarship is the reason I get to have everything here.

My phone rings in my jean pocket, and I pull it out, smiling when I see my best friend Josey's face lighting up on FaceTime.

"Holy shit, Nessa, you need to see our new room,” she says immediately I accept the call. “Third year might actually be fun.”

“Hey, Josey!” My mum beams at her, putting her face in front of my phone before I can reply.

“Mum, please.” I roll my eyes, moving my phone in another direction. “I’ll be at the dorm in a minute,” I say before hanging up.

“Vanessa Miller. I see through you.” My mother only calls me by my full government name when she's about to fixate on something. It’s about to be a long speech, and I’m not ready for that. 

“What do you keep seeing mum?”

“You’re pretending everything is fine, you didn’t even have as much excitement as Josey.”

I sigh. “Everything is fine.” I know I’m lying to myself, but I ignore the look she is giving me and open the car boot, getting my bags and boxes out.

“Just stay out of trouble this year. It is really important.”

“When have I ever caused trouble? I didn’t in freshman year. Why would I ruin that now?”

“Smart of you,” she responds.

We walk into the building leading to my dorm room. Ohh, the relief of not seeing many people passing in the hallway. Then I see Josey waving both hands at me from upstairs. And for the first time since we drove through those gates, I actually smile.

I climb the stairs with my mum behind me. “Mrs. Miller!” Josey rushes down. “Hi, Mrs. Miller. Let me help you.”

She picks up the box from her hands as my mum tells her there are more boxes left.

I bend down to drop my box inside my new room, my glasses slip down to my nose, I reach up to fix them. At the exact same time, the heavy bag on my right shoulder slips down, making me lose my balance.

“Ouch, my arm.” I hiss immediately, pulling it closer to my body. I have been hiding the fact that during all the rigorous summer training, I strained my shoulder a little. Nothing serious, I tell myself. The pain still comes, though.

“Are you okay, Nessa?” Josey asks, looking over quickly.

“Yes, I’m good," I lie forcing my voice to stay level as I push my glasses back up, "Just slipped.”

“Okay, just be careful. By the way, don’t tell me I arrived first because you two started fighting as usual before even getting to campus.”

“We don’t fight,” Mum says, pushing through the door. She looks down at me. “Why are you on the floor?”

“I’m fine, It’s just my glasses.” 

Honestly, I don’t even need them. I just wear them as a perfect disguise. They make me look like a cool, nerdy girl instead of the famous swimmer everyone knows.

I get up, looking around the room. It’s perfect. It has two bedrooms, each with its own bathroom, a shared living room, a small kitchen, and enough space for us to breathe. Actually, calling it a dorm is almost insulting since it’s more like a student apartment.

Mum walks around, inspecting everything. “This kitchen will go to waste. You girls don’t even have the time to cook,” she says.

“We will try to, and I’m claiming the pink couch” Josey says.

After bidding my mum goodbye, she promises to send my car over later because she doesn’t want me to drive it all the way up the road and stress myself. So dramatic.

I start unpacking, but Josey has already started stealing my pink sneakers, not that I'm surprised.

“Drop it, I say nudging her.”

“What am I dropping?” She tilts her head innocently, hiding the sneakers behind her back.

“Oh, I’ll kill you, girl.”

I chase her as she runs into her bedroom and slams the door. I burst out laughing. You’re crazy, Josey.

By evening, most of our things are finally out of the boxes, and we have successfully arranged our rooms. Josey went with a pink theme, while I did mine blue. Just like the pool, I love the colour.

I shove my laptop into my nightstand drawer, reaching to open the next one when my door suddenly opens. Josey stands in the doorway like she didn't just nearly break my door.

“What the hell, Josey?”