THE EVALUATION

•AVERY•

I watched the footage four times.

And it wasn't because I actually needed to, but because I had his file memorized before I even packed my bag. The incident report, every single one of them, every single session note from the two psychologists he had walked out on, and also every single public statement his team released on his behalf.

I watched it because I kept thinking that maybe I would misread his face.

But I hadn’t.

Kade Rivers. He’s twenty-two years old and one of the fastest on the grid and currently a problem his principal Connor Hayes needs to be solved before the contract renewal lands.

I watched as the helmet left his hand. Two of his crew members grabbed him hard on his biceps and for about a second before someone stepped in front of the shot, you could see his face clearly. 

He looked.. scary maybe?

But definitely not angry.

That’s the thing.

I locked my phone and put it back inside my bag when the seatbelt sign came on, and then I looked out of the window into the clouds. I told myself that it didn’t matter what his face looked like.

He’s for sure very attractive, but that isn’t what I am here for.

Connor called me six weeks ago. He was so calm and direct and he wasted no sentences at all. 

What a strange man.

He explained it to me simply. He had said that Kade shuts down around formal oversight and he walked out of two mandated sessions already. So Connor needed someone who could get genuine access without it seeming like what it was. Said I’d go in as someone Kade has recently started seeing and observe him. Write a report, the report goes to Connor then Connor decides whether Kade is going to keep his seat or not. 

I pushed back. 

He let me tho.

And then he told me what was on the table and I just had to stop pushing back and give in.

I mean..that’s a life-changing deal for my best friend and me.

I need this contract, I really do need it. The reason is mine and it’s real asf. And it makes complete sense sitting in my Edinburgh flat with my phone pressed to my ear. Although it makes less sense since every time I think of it now, I already said yes so…

Here we are.

The car Connor sent to pick me up was already waiting at arrivals. I didn’t check my phone on the way to the circuit. I just watched the motorway and went through the arrangement all over again in my head. Not because I’d forgotten any of it, but just because it felt better than thinking about what I was actually doing.

Silverstone got me even before I was ready for it.

The sound first, it sounded and felt like this low constant thing you feel before you properly hear it. Then the smell… smelt like fuel and burnt rubber and something really metallic underneath that caught in the back of my throat and just… stayed there. 

I stood at the paddock entrance for half a second and just…

Jesus Christ!

I’ve been reading rooms since I was twelve.

It’s not like it’s a skill, just a necessity. The way you learn to track the temperature when you grow up in a house where the mood shifts without warning and nobody’s going to tell you it’s coming. I just do it automatically. Can’t turn it off even if I try to.

I never did tho.

I did it to every single person I walked past going in.

Connor was at the gate. He’s slim, composed, and not a word wasted. He shook my hand and started talking while we moved through, not checking whether I was keeping up. I was following, but I just want him to shut up. 

Such a weird ass man, I would kick him in the ass if I could, arghhh.

Just shut up already Avery 

“The cover holds as long as you’re consistent. You met him in Monaco four months ago at a sponsor function. Always keep your answers short and don’t ever volunteer.”

“I know.” I roll my eyes internally 

“Report comes directly to me. There are no copies.”

“Connor, I know.” 

I just got here and he's already getting on my nerves omgg

He glanced sideways at me. “You’re younger than I expected.”

I didn’t say anything to that because at this point I’m fed up..

I just want to climb on a bed and sleep, is that too much to ask Connor?

I got my credentials from someone near the garage entrance. Lanyard, my name on it. Underneath it is a smaller text that says: Guest – Personal.

And not a Consultant. 

I clipped it on and didn’t bother looking at it again.

Then I saw Kade.

Maybe I thought he was so attractive earlier, but in person? He looks so beautiful. Like an Angel, or no a devil…maybe a mix of both I don’t know. Well, that was unfortunate because he’s definitely a ten over ten.

He was across the garage, his back half-turned while talking to someone tall who was using his entire body to make whatever point he was making. And Kade was laughing, properly. Like he had nothing to worry about.

His head tipped back, the kind that takes over your face before you can manage it.

I stopped walking for a second.

Nothing like the footage. Nothing like the file, the incident reports, or the two paragraphs about impulse control. He looked—

Avery stop. Observation and not the feeling.

He looked younger than twenty-two. That’s all I’m going to think about this man.

Connor introduced us three minutes later. The tall one was Reef. He grinned at me before anyone even said a word. Kade looked up at him and before I knew it the laugh was already gone. Not as he wiped it away but more like put away somewhere, as it belonged to a different moment and that moment was over.

“Kade, this is Avery.” 

He looked at me.

Like looked at me for one second or maybe less. It’s not warm, nor is it dismissive. It’s something else, something I clocked immediately and wished I hadn’t because it wasn’t anything and I already knew I was going to write it down later.

Maybe I’m in trouble too.

He put his hand out and I took it in a brief handshake. His eyes moved off me before I even let go.

“They usually send someone older,” he said not looking at me, nor at Connor. Just out in the air, to nobody exactly, already looking somewhere across the garage.

Reef made a noise and stopped himself when Kade glanced at him.

I said something back. I have no idea what, something that sounded normal. I held my face where it needed to be. And if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that I’m good at this part.

Connor touched my elbow and we moved on.

A hand landed on my shoulder almost immediately.

“Avery.” Already smiling when I turned. Broad shoulders, looks to be in his fifties, has this easy warmth of someone who’s been trusted so long they’ve stopped noticing they expect it. 

“Marsh. Head coach.” He said with his hand still on my shoulder. “Brilliant timing, the British GP’s a good one to start with. You’ll love it here.”

He said it so casually like we already knew each other.

We didn’t know each other.

No, don’t know this man.

He noticed the uneasiness on my face and removed his hand from my shoulder one beat after it should have.

I smiled back at him and after saying something back to him he left.

I stood there a moment after he left and thought about the hand on my shoulder. Noted it down and put it somewhere in the back of my mind and left it there because there was already enough going on right now and I don’t think I need any more things to overthink about.

My hotel room was very quiet.

I sat on the edge of the bed for a minute before I moved to open my laptop.

I created a new document and typed in today’s date.

Then I typed down his name.

Kade Rivers.

I looked at it for a second and got lost in my mind. 

I shook my head to try to get rid of the thoughts forming that way into my head and started typing.

Subject presents a notable discrepancy between documented behaviour and observed—

I stopped and read it back.

Doesn’t sit right with me.

I press the delete button and straight into the bin it goes.

I tried writing something else again, but deleted that too.

I was still staring at a blank page when someone knocked on the door.

I wasn’t expecting anyone. I crossed the room and opened the door and stood paralyzed as if someone had poured a bucket full of cold water over me.

Kade was in the hallway in the same clothes from the paddock, and there was no expression on his face. He looked at me for a second like he was confirming something he’d already decided before he knocked.

“I know what you’re really here for,” he said.