The Hunt for Freedom

On the night of my birth the feline goddesses rejoiced.  As I cried my infant cries the only clue to my heritage were my cobalt blue eyes.  I am a werecat.  My Pride is almost extinct they tell me, and I am one of the only werecats to be born in recent years that we know of. My birth was celebrated by some, while others tore their clothes and cried out with rage. It was foretold that a princess would be born to save our kind. Apparently, this is me. Nobody asked if I wanted this, nobody cared that I just wanted to be a normal kid. As I stand  in our enormous kitchen drinking a tall glass of milk, I watch the caterers setting up for my eighteenth birthday party. That was when the fun would really begin. 

Sitting down at our comfortable little table, I begin to think back on my earliest memories of being “different.”  I quickly cover my crooked smile as I scroll through the childhood memories in my mind.  The room around me fades as I drift back through my defiant days.

“Katalea, come down from that tree!” My mother’s voice billowed up at me. 

“Aw, Mom, it’s so pretty up here….five more minutes?” I begged.  From the limb I was perched on I could see for miles in every direction.  There were so many leaves at this time of year it would be impossible for even the most ardent bird watcher to catch a glimpse of me.  I was safe here in my evergreen sanctuary.

I remember that it was on my fifth birthday that  I learned to extend my claws. My mom sat me down and taught me to point and flex my feet like a ballerina.  Then she taught me to think about climbing a tree with my claws and flex my fingers. I remember thinking that Momma had gone crazy when these sharp claws protruded from the tips of my fingers. I sat in awed silence as I examined my new toys….then I ran for the nearest tree!  Thus began my love for all things wild and crazy. Some have said that I am an adrenaline junkie.  Momma enrolled me in gymnastic classes to give me a healthy way of exerting all this energy. I couldn’t get enough of it. Finally, I was in a place that encouraged reckless abandon, and I excelled. 

A little over a year later, I had passed up all the girls in my age group and was working out with the older girls.They didn’t like working out with the baby but they couldn’t deny my skill level.  Coach told Mom and Dad that I was a Protégée and to expect great things from me. He happened to say this within earshot of the older girls, of course, this didn’t do much to help their attitude toward me. I didn’t care, other people’s opinions and emotions had little effect on me. 

At about seven I started competing. I remember being nervous and excited. The other girls were older but they were so afraid. One girl even threw up. It seemed to me that I could understand what the other girls were thinking just by looking at their faces, and none of their thoughts were positive.

One time, my team mate Alisa was about to compete on the balance beam.  She looked scared to death. Her whole body was shaking so hard that she appeared to be having a mini seizure. In my head I thought, “You should just tell coach that you are sick and you want to go home.”

I am sure my face was one of confusion and shock as I heard her tell Coach my exact words. One look at her face and he had walked over to the judges  and pulled her out of the meet.  She started crying and was sent home with her parents.  “And they call me the baby?” I mused.  I was too young at that point to understand what had happened but I was not too young to try this trick again. Was it possible that I had controlled her thoughts and actions?

When it came to competing, it seemed I had an innate focus that allowed me to hit routine after routine without appearing nervous. My peers thought I was just too young and stupid to be scared, but if the truth be told, I just didn’t care what the judges thought. I knew I was good, and my routines were solid. The rest was just mental.  

It was our Championship Meet and I was determined to win the All Around title.  At this meet, they had gotten rid of the age group rule so I was competing against gymnasts of all ages.  From what I could see there was only one other girl that could give me a run for my money. I saw her warming up the leap pass in her floor routine repeatedly. She appeared a little worried about connecting her leaps and jumps smoothly. 

I saw my chance to experiment. As she saluted the judge and marched out to her starting position I concentrated hard on this, “Be careful not to take an extra step on that leap pass, you will step out of bounds.” I said these words continuously, like a mantra.

It amazed me to see the look of anguish on her face, could she really be hearing me?

As she neared this part of her floor routine I doubled my efforts, concentrating hard as I had no idea what I was doing. I could see her visibly tense and sure enough she took two extra steps and leaped right off the floor.  Her face was devastated but resigned to the fact that she had just lost.  

Later, as we stood on the awards stand, me in first, her in second I leaned over and shook her hand as I had been taught. I felt the first pangs of guilt rustle within me, but I quickly squashed them when I saw the size of the trophy.

“Congratulations!” I said with my fakest smile, all the while planning how best to try my little trick again.

The problem with that...Momma saw it all!

Later that night, while at a family dinner at the restaurant of my choice, there was a sudden voice in my head, clear as if the person next to me was talking to me. “I know what you did out there today.”

My head popped up from my ooey-gooey pizza only to see Momma watching me. “If you can hear me, put down that pizza and sip your water.”

I did what she asked and her eyes narrowed. “I thought so, Katalea, we need to talk.  Ask me to go for a walk when we get home away from the others.”

Dread overcame me, suddenly I had no appetite.  I knew what I did was wrong, I just didn’t know if it was real.  Somehow I could now hear Momma’s voice inside my head the same way.  What was going on?

I did what I was told though. When we arrived home, I asked Mom to go for a walk with me. Curiosity was winning out over fear of punishment. Momma and I walked down to the nearby park that surrounds a calm little man-made lake in our neighborhood. I had spent many a night climbing these trees while everyone thought I was sleeping. Sneaking out of the house when I couldn’t sleep seemed so normal to me, while sleeping at night remained the bigger challenge. I could be very quiet when I wanted to.

Momma sat me down on my favorite bench farthest away from the little lake. I loved it here, no people and plenty of places to hide and watch all the swimmers frolicking in the water. It never occurred to me to question why I never had any desire to go swimming or socialize with any of the other children. Momma stroked my long dark hair and simply said, “You know you are different from the other kids, I think it’s time you know why.”

She went on to explain to me that her family, dating back thousands of years, was descendants of an ancient Egyptian Pride of werecats. As the feline blood thinned from generation after generation of marrying humans our kind was almost gone. She told me that she was a werecat too, and that she had some feline abilities but she was never able to shift. She had seen so many feline traits in me already that she was now questioning how to deal with it.

“Your father knows nothing of this, my limited abilities, or my family heritage. Nothing. Your brothers show no sign of any feline traits or abilities. They appear to be human through and through. You, young Katalea, have been blessed with many gifts it seems, and since they are manifesting so young, I am sure there will be plenty more.”  She said all this with a sad look in her eyes.  I couldn’t decipher why she was so sad.  Maybe she just wanted me to be just human too.

I was so shocked by this revelation that I couldn’t even ask questions. I just sat there with my mind whirling. I wanted to get away from her, get away from these stories, and just go back to being a normal kid.  It was all just too much.  Without speaking a word, I got up and ran for the trees. 

When I finally came down it was dark. It was a clear night, the stars flooded the sky and made me feel small and inconsequential.  Momma had sent me a mental message that she was going home and that I should be there before it was fully dark if I wanted any ice cream that night. Our family tends to eat healthy so pizza and ice cream in one day is a bit of a miracle.  That night though, even the thought of that cold creamy treat wasn’t enough to bring me down from that tree.

Walking home I tried to feel like a cat, but what does a cat feel like? I had never wanted to chase a mouse or run from a dog. It would be better if I had someone to ask, but who? Momma said she didn’t know of any of our pride living locally. 

I came in through the back door to complete chaos. I loved my family beyond words but they were loud. Spanish music blared from the TV and everyone was moving to the pulsing beat. They were all engrossed in some sort of an internet dance class. There was a lot of fancy footwork and hip shaking going on that didn’t appeal to my seven year old self. My brothers truly looked like idiots. 

I fled up the stairs hoping to be spared the embarrassment.  Settled in my room under my fluffiest pink blanket I tuned them out. I got a mental message from Momma to come down and join in the fun, I ignored her. I picked up a comic book that promised shape shifters of all sorts and prepared to lose myself in a world I thought was make believe before tonight . Now, I questioned everything. 

Momma came in a bit later and rubbed my back. When I felt a purr rise in my throat I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Why me?” I whimpered to her. I just wanted to be normal.

She explained that when one parent is human, only about one in ten babies born are werecats. That is how the werecat population is thinning out. Werecats were despised and feared among supernatural creatures because of their numerous abilities. She had heard of some distant family of hers that were “peculiar.”  She would try to contact them in the morning. 

She made sure I understood that no one could know any of this. I could only discuss this with her, and only when no one else was around. No diary, no drawings, no internet searches. The need for secrecy was so important. I couldn’t even let my brothers know. They were already mad that I was starting to out-do them in school and sports. It would become impossible to deal with them if they discovered their complaints were justified.

“What are abilities?” I whispered, my childlike voice echoing in my ears. I was afraid to know more but couldn’t resist my curious nature.

“Well,” she began, “Having claws for starters. Being able to climb a tree so quickly is a result of those claws. Also, I’ve heard you purr in your sleep for a while now. This is the reason I could never allow any sleepovers with the other girls on your team.”

She took a deep breath and continued listing my abilities, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet or not, but werecats are typically quick learners and very agile. You have always been good at school and sports. And…” she paused here and narrowed her eyes, “After today’s behavior you are obviously able to transfer your thoughts….that was completely unacceptable by the way!”

“I know, I’m sorry, I didn't know it would really work.”  I let my real feelings out, “Now I will ever know if I would have won on my own.  That Championship Title will always be tainted.”

Looking away and willing my tears to stop threatening to spill, I tried to think of something else, something positive. I had noticed that most things came easily to me. 

Embarrassingly enough, I was pretty quick to point out my greatness to others. Humbleness had not entered my vocabulary. I had an advantage over the human kids and that was a sour pill to swallow. I wonder how I would rank with kids that had werecat blood. After all, I was only half werecat.

I could have added to Momma’s list but I didn’t really think that not sleeping at night, or loving fish would be considered an ability. I certainly didn’t mention how I love to sneak out at night for no other reason than to prowl around the park and climb trees. I could have told her how I only ever wanted milk for meals, or how climbing trees calmed me and made me feel safe. I didn’t mention any of these things.  For now, it was enough to be pampered and accepted.  

The kids in my school always ignored me anyway, they thought I was weird.  It didn’t bother me though. I like being in my own company and never saw the need for a friend. None of the other kids could keep up anyway. Even the girls from the gym were beyond irritating with all their fears. I often inwardly sneered when a skill scared them. I would use their fear to press my advantage. Coach loved my fearless attitude and little by little I was becoming the star. I adored the attention I received when I excelled. I could have cared less that not one of them considered me a friend….although, I could sure use a friend now.

I looked up at Momma with big pleading eyes. I finally felt the fear I ridiculed the others for. “Please find out more momma, I’m scared.”

As I lay there going over all this, I realized I was scared. I did not want to be the freak. What if I became a cat right in front of everyone at school? I longed to go back in time even one day, where I thought I was just a great little human. 

Never again would I be able to think the same on this. I would always have to hide my non-human abilities from curious eyes. My stomach was in knots as I thought of all that meant. I snuggled in closer and tried to fall asleep. Momma went right on rubbing my back, and for this night I stayed home.