Comedy

The System begged me to be an angst heroine. Nothing gets to me, it said.

It offered a hundred million dollars. I asked for one thing: every bit of physical pain goes to the sweet first love my husband can't get over.

So the tearjerker went a little differently.

When he forced me to give her my blood, she screamed and fainted. I finished and went out for pizza.

When she dragged me into the poo...

Adrian Hayes has two rules: never steal another man’s girlfriend, and never lose his dignity over a woman.
Then he meets Emma.
Three weeks, one anonymous advice thread, and several terrible decisions later, Adrian is ready to betray his best friend, beg Emma to choose him, and even bring in his parents for backup.
There’s just one problem.
The man he thinks he’s stealing her from is her brother.

My mom tricked me into a blind date on my thirtieth birthday.

I got stuck in traffic and showed up thirty minutes late, fully expecting a lecture about manners.

Instead, I heard a man's voice through the door.

"So she's thirty. And?"

"You say she's too picky. Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"You don't like how much she works. Are you signing her paychecks?"

I pushed the door open.

He w...

I thought I'd signed up for an immersive dating show.

Turns out it was a 99.9% death rate, globally livestreamed horror game.

And me? Half-blind without my contacts, desperate to go viral, I somehow talk my way through a death game like it's a romance.

I mistook blood for ketchup, human eyeballs for sashimi, a murderous child ghost for a kid who just needed some love.

Worst part? I fell for th...

One snide comment from my worst enemy, and I dropped eighty million gold coins on a custom golem built to look exactly like him.

My requirements were simple: same face, same body, and a personality that's submissive, obedient, and takes whatever I dish out without fighting back.

I've had that insufferable face fetching me coffee, rubbing my feet, massaging my shoulders, even wearing a maid outfi...

The best deal I ever made in my life was selling my blood to a vampire.

I was a broke, permanently starving werewolf who needed ten times the food a normal person did just to feel full.

Evan was a vampire heir with a blood allergy, the kind where the smell alone made him sick and dizzy. Somehow his life was worse than mine.

Except my blood didn't trigger it. He never reacted to me.

So he pulle...

Wait. I was this close to going full caveman on my incubus, and you're telling me the store sent the wrong one?

I'd bought an incubus online, hoping for one really good night with him.

But he said no. Every single time.

I racked my brain trying to tame him. Besides plotting to steamroll him into it, I'd even gone so far as to contact customer service.

The poor little chat rep just kept apologi...

"Pay us five million dollars, or I'll tell the world your son is a rapist."

That was the blackmail demand my new neighbor threw in my face. When I refused to pay, she took me to court.

Now, we are in a packed, live-streamed courtroom. Her daughter is crying on the witness stand in a neck brace, swearing my "heavily-muscled" son brutally attacked her in the backyard. Her sleazy lawyer is waving ...

"911, what's your emergency?"
"I'm... handcuffed to a towel rack." Humiliation nearly swallowed me whole.
Fifteen minutes later, LAFD kicked down my door—and the man standing in the wreckage was the last person on earth I wanted to see me like this.
Leon Crawford. My ex. The one I broke up with three years ago.
He didn't cut me loose. He circled my apartment like a predator, his jaw tightening wit...

I thought my friend had returned my BMW with an empty tank.
That was annoying.
Then the car started driving like it had a safe tied to the back.
My mechanic checked everything: tires, brakes, suspension, computer codes. Nothing made sense until he opened the trunk, lifted the floor panel, and found a canvas-wrapped mass jammed into the spare-tire well.
He looked once and nearly dropped his flashli...