Signed then Sealed with a kiss

I stood in front of the mirror staring at the reflection of myself. My hands, holding a bouquet of flowers, were trembling like waves of electric shock was being sent through me. My lips were quivering so I bit down on it, rather too hardly.

“ Miss, please don't bite on your lips so much. You'll ruin your lipstick." The makeup artist, who was busy putting her items in place, said to me. Her tone was curt and I clearly got the message.

Don't ruin my hours of hard work!

I tried to stop but this was a habit I had cultivated years ago and it stuck to me like glue. Biting my lips was the only way I could stop myself from crying, and I badly wanted to cry at that moment. My chest was cramped up and my heart felt suffocated, thumping and pounding like an out-of-control jackhammer.

My grip around the bouquet tightened and I bit down on my lower lips even more. I could feel the metallic taste of the lip gloss on my tongue.

Or was it blood?

“ Miss… “ The makeup artist was clearly getting frustrated. 

At that point, the door made way, cutting her short. Accompanying the heel-toe rhythm of her pointed heels clicking on the tiled floor was the shrill bubbly voice of my stepmother as she cat walked her way to me.

“ Look who's all dressed up and ready for her wedding day." It was supposed to be a tease but all those words did was piss me off.

“ Daphne, my darling, you must be so excited." She repeated, my silence clearly not a bother to her.

All I could do was stare blankly at her.

Excited!

I scoffed internally. Did I even know what that word meant anymore?

You must probably be wondering what the hell is wrong with me to not be excited on my wedding day but hey there, try getting married to someone you don't know or love only for the benefits your family would get, then, maybe you would understand the pain in my heart.

I'm practically a sacrificial lamb.

I thought Jesus sacrificed himself for us, why then do I have to do the same?

Worst part is these people are the most ungrateful, terrible and heartless people on the surface of the earth.

Oh! Is this what Jesus felt like giving his life up for mankind?

My head was beginning to ache lightly, I had been having series of thoughts since the moment my eyes shot open this morning and no, they're not just any thoughts. Trust me when I say they were absolutely miserable. 

Anna, my stepmother was talking, she never gets tired when it comes to that. Her attention was on the makeup artist and as I pulled myself back to reality, I heard her say,

“ Can't you do anything right? Her lipstick is obviously messed up, do you want her walking down the aisle looking like that? Why am I paying you such a high amount of money if you can't even make her lips worth it?”

I saw the lady’s eyes narrow at me, a pained expression settling on her face. I wanted to speak and defend her but I couldn't, and yet another emotion soared through my chest- guilt. Now these twin dragons were battling for power in my heart- hurt and guilt - and you know what they say,

When elephants fights, the grass suffers.

The grass in this situation is my poor heart. 

The makeup artist picked up a couple of items from her already packed up box, the glare in her eyes evident. I heaved as she began applying series of lipstick and gloss and soon, the beautiful color of before appeared again.

“ Ma'am, please stop biting on your lips, lest this gets ruined again." She said as she finished.

I almost scoffed. So much for thinking she would stay quiet and be trampled upon by my stepmother.

I'm the only one who's letting others trample upon me. I'm such a fool.

Anna said nothing, she only smiled awkwardly as the lady stormed out of the room with her box. My heart jumped as the sound of the door being slammed echoed in the room. Anna scoffed, rolling her eyes. Then she came to me.

“ Don't let that get to you, Daphne, my darling. It's your big day and… “ 

" When did I become your darling?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Her lips were parted as I had cut her short while she was still speaking. For a second, she seemed stunned and when she snapped out of it, a sinister chuckle left her lips and there was that glint of mischief I knew so well dancing in her eyes.

“ Alright, alright. Let's cut the drama, I just thought you'd want a little love from me since it's your big day." She said.

I did want love but not from her. And definitely not some fake act.

“ You don't, obviously! So I'll just get straight to it. The guests will be ready to welcome the bride in exactly 5 minutes." Anna said, her lips set in that ever annoying grin.

My grip on the bouquet tightened as it dawned on me what she said. My heart rate tripled and breathing suddenly became ten times harder. 

I swallowed. 

" Then why are you here? Isn't Father supposed to come get me?" I managed to ask.

Her eyes narrowed and without being told, I knew something had gone wrong.

No! 

“ Well, he was. But…” Anna wasn't hesitating because she felt sad to release whatever news it was. She just enjoyed watching the panic settle on my face.

" Anna, what happened to dad?” 

" Relax! It's nothing serious. His blood pressure spiked up this morning so he couldn't make it.” Her tone was nonchalant, like she didn't care.

What am I saying? She obviously doesn't care!

My knuckles turned white and without thinking, I buried my lip in the folds of my teeth as tears blurred my vision.

“ Am I walking down the aisle, alone?" I said, my voice trembling.

I must have been delusional but I was sure I heard her laugh. I hated being so emotional around her, I hated letting her see me this way but what can I do?

My heart is an asynchronous canvas of conflicting emotions at the moment. 

Nahh! Forget the big terms, I'm practically a mess right now.

“ Well, it seems like it, Daphne." 

As she said this, her phone rang loudly and she excused herself, throwing the words casually at me.

“ I'll leave the doors open, once you hear the applause, you know it's time to come out." 

I shut my eyes as the tears fell and I didn't know when I crumbled to the floor.

Don't cry, Daphne. Don't cry!

No! You need to let this out, cry yourself a river if you need to.

I probably subconsciously chose to listen to the second voice cause I didn't stop crying. I didn't care if the makeup was ruined or not, my heart felt unbelievably heavy.

I heard the applause. It started like a roar, dying down and rising again like a discorded rhythm. I couldn't move.

I didn't want to. 

So I remained there, crying. An ocean of tears streaming down my face and silent uncontrollable sobs shaking my body.

I didn't hear footsteps. All I heard was a baritone throaty voice, one I wouldn't be able to live without soon enough.

“ Crying on your wedding day, huh?"