Substitute Desire

Evan Hart sat on the couch, watching his family scurry around frantically. His grandfather bustled about making calls, putting on a friendly voice for whoever answered, but when he got an answer he didn't want, his expression turned sour. His father stood by the window, calling one person and then the next. His mother, though, was the most dramatic of them all, as she did nothing but cry.

His eyes gleamed with mockery as he watched them. Unbelievable that they should be so worried about his older brother, Jesse, who, as they all feared, had been kidnapped, but was actually found to have run away with some guy. But Evan wasn't about to tell them that; they would never believe him.

They always favored Jesse and treated him like he was fragile and sweet, because as a child he had been sickly. In reality, Jesse's frailty was his own fault, since he avoided any type of exercise whatsoever. As Evan grew older, he realized that the reason Jesse resented him was simply because he existed, not for anything he had done. Jesse had despised the idea of sharing the love and attention of the family and would often feign illnesses.

When Evan was much younger, he yearned for the approval of his family and tried very hard to gain their affection. The disappointments had toughened him over time, and now he expected nothing from them. So long as they kept paying such basic needs as tuition, allowance, and a place to stay, he simply didn't care anymore. At least they'd never denied him that.

Evan was a final-year student in the country's best university, studying medicine, but his parents never liked this decision as they wanted him to take up music like Jesse, the award-winning violinist who made many acknowledge the family for good things. Unlike Jesse, his talented brother, Evan was seen as the odd one out.

Evan, don't you know where your brother is?" his mother asked, her voice shaking. "You just sit there while all of us are worried to death!

A slight smirk curled Evan's lips. "Mom, I've told you a thousand times. I have no idea where your precious son is," he said coldly. Long ago, he stopped caring about their feelings; his heart held no love for his family, just indifference. And the only person he ever cared for was someone he couldn't have: Nathan Collins-who just happened to be Jesse's boyfriend.

Funny, huh? Evan was in love with his brother's boyfriend. Sometimes he thought he was just so cursed that he was to live his life in Jesse's shadow. But he had learned to deal with it. After he graduated and started working, he intended to cut ties with his family once and for all. That was why he'd been saving all his money-to open his own private clinic and finally be free.

His mother let out a heavy sigh. "Why are you being so cold? I was just asking because you two brothers, and he might have told you something."

Evan snorted. "Brothers? We are more like strangers," he said while getting up to leave. "If you don't believe me, fine. I'm going to class."

"Where are you going? How can you be so uncaring while your brother might have been kidnapped?" his grandfather's stern voice rang out.

His fists were clenched hard to keep himself cool, he whirred around, placed a forced smile on his face, and said, "Kidnapped? Let's not kid ourselves, Grandpa. I'm going off to class. You can keep looking for Jesse," before walking just out, ignoring the shouting behind his back.

Even as he stepped outside, his grandfather's angry voice still echoed, "Look at the kind of son you've raised! It's no wonder, being brought up by an uneducated nanny!"

The words didn't bother Evan. True enough, he had been brought up by a nanny, but she was the only one who ever looked after him. She taught him how to walk, how to speak, and even the use of chopsticks. She had retired years back, but Evan would still visit her during holidays. She was childless and thus he treated her like his grandmother. He wanted to succeed so that he could change her old house and give her a good life.

As Evan waited at the bus stop, Nathan crept into his mind. For years now, he had secretly been in love with him. Nathan was a hugely successful businessman, the CEO of a major medical company, and one of the most eligible bachelors around at 27 years old. Evan had first met him when he was just a kid. On a camping trip, Evan had saved a teenage Nathan from drowning. When he came back with help, Nathan was already gone. For years, Evan had thought about that boy and held onto the memory.

Imagine the heartbreak Evan had felt years later when Nathan showed up at his house and was introduced as Jesse's boyfriend. All the pain had remained inside him all these years, a reminder that he would never have been able to be with the one person he wanted.

Today, for some reason, Evan felt this urge to see Nathan. He called up a cab to take him to his apartment and enquired about whether the latter was fine. After an hour, he reached Nathan's place. It wasn't his first time; they became good friends as Nathan saw Evan as his younger brother. They did share interests in medicine, as Nathan's company dealt with pharmaceuticals and herbal products.

He punched in the access code for the apartment-Jesse's birthday, a painful reminder of his unreturned love-entered the place, and was greeted by darkness. He flicked the lights on and was taken aback by what he saw: bottles of liquor and clothes lay strewn all over the floor. Nathan would never have allowed his place to get so messy.

Where is he?" Evan mumbled to himself as his chest started to tighten with concern. He started searching the rooms until, finally, a loud crash came from the bar area.

Evan quickly went over to him and found Nathan slumped on the floor, surrounded by broken glass, his hand bleeding from a fresh cut. Evan's heart skipped a beat. 

"Nathan, what are you doing?" he yelled, hurrying to his side.