The Dark Heart

POV: Alexandra

The result of the Queen competition was a shock to everyone in my own circle. Many outside of it thought the council was correct in choosing Rayla, I could hear from the whispers. I had gone back into the ball after speaking to Grand Pretre. I was already sick to my stomach, I couldn’t have them ridicule me further for the embarrassment of losing to Rayla since everyone was so confident I would win.

I desperately wanted to leave but I didn’t know how. Blake sought me out and slipped me out of the ball before I could be around those who were wanting to pay me false sympathies. He asked Panshad to inform my parents that he was taking me home in a royal carriage.

He held me up as we made our way out to the carriage. One person did notice that I had slipped out and followed us at a distance. He waited until we got to the carriage to call out to me, “Your Grace if I could please have a small moment of your time?” I turned to see it was Edgar and looked up to nod at Blake that it was okay for me to talk to him.

He leaned and whispered in my ear, “Just make it quick. If you dawdle too much, the others will likely be able to seek you out. I’ll be over there if you need me.” I turned to see that he actually had the carriage for House Mesha at the ready. I had wondered if he had already known the outcome and made sure he was the one to comfort me.

I turned back to Edgar, he had small beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe them off. He sighed in frustration, “I’m so sorry about this, Your Grace.” I somehow knew that his sympathies were genuine by the look in his eyes. It was full of sadness and you could almost see tears forming in his gray eyes.

He continued, “I know you shouldn’t stay long but I wanted to ask you for a favor.” I smiled sadly down at the short chubby old man, “Of course, you can ask.” He nodded, “I would like to visit you tomorrow and give an explanation of what happened…that is…if you even care to hear it.” I went silent for a short while pondering if that was something I wanted, my curiosity got the better of me and I nodded, “I do want to hear it. Yes, let’s meet tomorrow then.” He bowed at me, “I will come around in the morning. Oh, but not early. I had heard that you are not a morning person.” I nodded at him, “Thank you.”

He shook his head, “No thanks necessary, Your Grace. I owe you this.” He turned and started to walk back to the ball. Blake stepped forward to help me into the carriage. As I climbed inside, I saw someone running out of the castle. I didn’t really look too hard because I was starting to feel tired. I immediately nodded off after I sat down.

It must’ve been a short nap because I woke up and we were still in the carriage. I had been leaning on Blake, I looked up at him. He smiled down at me gently, “You must’ve been emotionally exhausted. You really like my brother, huh? I don’t suppose I can convince you to become the Duchess of Mesha?” I grabbed his hand and laced my fingers through his, “I appreciate your consideration but I only see you as a good friend. I wish I could feel more for you but I think we both know that I could never comfortably be the Duchess of Mesha.”

He looked down at our hands and raised my hand laced with his up to his face. He stroked the back of it with his left index finger and kissed it, “I figured you’d say that and honestly I figured your rejection would hurt far more than it does right now. It’s a sting in the heart. I have been giving a lot of thought to the future Duchess of Mesha lately.

I thought it was time that I carry on my family line for myself.” I looked at him shocked that he was well enough to move forward, “And did that thought have a conclusion?” He smiled and nodded, “I was thinking of Countess Litha Delnaro.

Lucien would have to appoint someone else to the Delnaro title though. Oh, assuming she would give up her title to a relative and take on the Duchess title, of course.” I leaned my head against his shoulder again so he wouldn’t see the smile on my face, “I’m sure Litha would willingly follow you anywhere, Blake. You are aware of how she feels about you.” I heard him sigh, “I am, I’m just hoping she doesn’t see herself as the second choice. That wouldn’t do.”

I looked at him again, “Never would she think that. She had her doubts before but I spoke to her about it. She doesn’t honestly care as long as you give her the love you are capable of.”

We pulled into the driveway of the manor and Blake pulled me into an embrace, “Don’t get out yet. I know once you do, we might lose you forever. Are you leaving? Because it feels like you are.” I nodded, “I made up my mind while I was rational enough to do so that I would leave Vellum. My heart cannot take me witnessing the wedding preparations of Lucien to someone else.”

The tears began to well up in my eyes and I heard him sigh again, “He ran after you, you know. You could go say goodbye.” I pulled away from him, “I can’t. I will send him a letter. It is the best I can do. He is bound to Rayla now.” He looked me straight in the eye, “Where will you go?” I shrugged, “Probably Terre. I was thinking of going to Arizona.

I was looking at pictures of the southern part and the sunsets are amazing. I might leave for there. I may even take King Renier up on his offer and just marry into the Seely royal family. I really don’t have the mental capacity to make up my mind on that tonight.”

He bit his lip and nodded, “Just make sure that wherever you go, you write to me or I will go find you and ask you relentlessly why you gave me the cold shoulder.” I giggled, “I could never. You are probably my best protector and one who has always been there for me.” I looked out the window and noticed Dana waiting for me in anticipation.

I sighed, “I think I need to go break the news to her and Lucy…” I gasped, “Oh no, poor Lucy. I’m not sure what will become of her now.” He smiled at me, “I will take care of her if that is what you wish.” I nodded, “I will write to you tomorrow and let you know my plans for both me and Lucy.” He crawled to the door, opened it, and climbed down.

He offered his hand, “One last time?” I nodded and grabbed his hand as he gently guided me down the stairs. I hugged him tightly as my feet touched the ground. I kissed his cheek, “Be well, my friend.” He echoed the good wishes to me and climbed back up into the carriage.

I walked up to a smiling Dana and sighed, “I’m afraid I don’t have good news to bring you.” She gasped, “How could they NOT pick you? You’re perfect for the role.” I shook my head, “Can I trust you to deliver the news to everyone else? I’m tired and I just want to sleep.”

She took my gloves from me and the cape I had worn over my dress to keep me warm. She curtsied, “Leave it me, Your Grace. Would you like some tea?” I only shook my head and walked up the stairs. I heard Nystasia call out to me.

She didn’t attend the ball because she wasn’t in the mood to deal with her father. Dana stopped her by saying, “She’s not in the mood to talk.” I heard Nystasia gasp and whisper, “She lost?” I couldn’t get up the stairs quicker and I finally reached the door. I closed it behind me and locked it. I shed the dress far enough that it was carelessly plopped on the ground.

I was in my bra and underwear when I crawled into bed. I didn’t have the strength to shed the bra and get into pajamas. I was still so emotionally exhausted and I had yet to fully let it out. I placed my head on the pillow and silently cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I heard a knock on my door, “Xan? It’s your mother. You have a visitor.” I slowly pulled myself out of bed, regretting that I was so curious the night before. I called out to her, “Give me a few minutes.” I heard the affirmation behind the door and the clack of her heels on the hardwood floor echo in the hallway. I drug myself over to my vanity to have a look at the damage.

My hair was jutting out from the updo I didn’t have the strength to pull out. I could see random bobby pins dangling from the black curls that had escaped through the night. I pulled out four bobby pins and left them out on the tabletop. The rest were thrown into the drawer. I brushed my hair out and placed it in a ponytail and, as I had suspected, it was really puffy.

I neatly twisted and wrapped my hair around the base of my ponytail to make a bun and secured it with the bobby pins I left out. That took care of the hair and I had seen that the makeup that I had not washed off was smudged all over my face. I walked into the bathroom and washed my face. I still looked downtrodden and tired but I couldn’t do much about that since that was just my face for now.

I walked downstairs to hear my mother quietly speaking with Elder Edgar. I didn’t catch the conversation but it seemed serious. She smiled at me, “You can take Elder Edgar into the study. Your father is away at the moment dealing with business.

I will bring you some tea as soon as it is ready.” I nodded at her and turned to Edgar, “Good morning, sir. Let’s go in the study so we can talk.” He followed me into the study and we sat on the settee together. He sighed before he spoke, “Before I start, I want you to know that I advocated for you and you got my vote.” I patted his shoulder, “I never doubted that. You have always been so kind to me.” He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed his eyes, “Your grace is something to be admired. I’m sad you won’t be our Queen and I think I will always be sad about that.” Silence filled the room until my mother came into the room with the tea. She served us the tea and was just about to leave when I stopped her,

“If Elder Edgar doesn’t mind, I’d like my mother to be here for this conversation.” He nodded, “Of course, Her Grace can be here. It is her home after all and her daughter this concerns.” My mother took the chair that my brother would occupy if he were here. I turned back to Elder Edgar, “Please continue.” He nodded, “You are likely curious as to what the opposition was to you and who it was that voted against you.

As you know, it was quite a few from the Elder Council but what we had not anticipated was the General’s vote was not factored in due to his condition and…” He hesitated to say the next part but quietly said, “Grand Pretre voted against you.” My eyes widened, “What?” He nodded, “I was just as shocked but I figured she had her reason.” The advice she gave me the night before echoed in my head, “I have a task to do elsewhere. That’s what she said.” My mother mumbled, “That explains it.” I looked at my mother, “Do you know something?” She nodded, “It’s something that came this morning, early.

I didn’t want to wake you. I will give it to you later.” Edgar spoke again, “What would shock you the most is what I am about to say.” I turned my attention back to the old man, “I’m not sure anything can shock me at this point.” He continued, “The first member of the Elders who opposed you gave a reason to oppose you. Enzo voted against you on the grounds of your being a danger to Vellum.”