Falling into you

I stared down at the document. A couple of initials and my signature and this part of my life would be over. A sob escaped me and I took a deep breath. It was okay, I wanted this, I had fought for this, it was my goal. That may well be true, but facing the finality of it didn’t feel like a victory. It felt like a failure. Maybe I had failed at being a wife, god knows Simon had told me often that I had.

Simon had been my knight in shining armor. We met in my first year in college. I didn’t usually go to parties, but my roommate had nagged me until I joined her one Friday. I hated it, I felt out of place and I only knew Jessie, my roommate, and she was gone after ten minutes. I stood in the kitchen, just wishing I was invisible and wondering how soon it would be okay to go home. That was when two men noticed me and talked to me. I tried to relax and get into the conversation, but they made me feel uncomfortable and when they crowded closer to me I started to panic. That was when he walked up to me. He with capital H and capital E. Simon, the frat boy that everyone on campus talked about. The men wanted to be him, the women wanted to date him. Good looking, rich with a brilliant future waiting for him. He walked up to the two men and told them off for making me feel uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” he asked when they had gone off.

“Yes. Thank you,” I said to him, expecting him to walk back to the party and his friends.

“No problem, they are idiots. It's about time someone told them as much. Mind if I hang with you for a while? It’s so noisy in the other room, I can barely hear myself think,” he asked. I was stunned, I just shook my head and tried to think of a smart thing to say. He got himself a beer and brought me one as well. I didn’t want to tell him I didn’t drink, so I sipped on my beer and tried not to stare at him. He was good looking with blond hair, tousled in a messy hairstyle, his blue eyes felt full of warmth and humor. His lean body and almost angelic face tied everything together. I couldn’t believe he spent time with me. After some small talk and him drinking his beer, he asked if I wanted to join him and dance. I didn’t dance, but I couldn’t say no to him. He took my still mostly full beer and put it on the counter. He took my hand and led me to the dance floor. It was the most fun I had had in my life. As the party wound down, he walked me back to my dorm and we exchanged phone numbers. I had fallen in love with him before my head hit my pillow that night.

I came back to reality and sighed. That had been then, this is now. I picked up the pen and hurried to sign every spot that was marked with a pink sticker on all sets of the paper. I put the pen down and braced for a torrent of hurt and grief. It never came. Surprised I realised there was no more hurt to feel. I had become numb. I picked up my phone, called a messenger and put the divorce papers into a manilla envelope. I handed it to the messenger when they arrived and felt at ease knowing they would reach my lawyer in a couple of hours. To make sure he would be expecting them, I texted him as well. He answered me back, saying I did good and to go and relax, all the hard parts were over. Now I could enjoy the benefits of everything. I laughed a hollow laugh and walked to the kitchen where I took a bottle of red wine, opened it and poured a generous helping into a glass. But then I looked at it and felt disgusted. This was not the coping mechanism I needed. It went down the drain, together with the last of the bottle. Nice, fifty dollars down the drain. I was starting off my independent life in the best of ways. I needed to get a grip and get the rest of my life on track. So I made a mistake, and it cost me a good six years of my life. It could have been worse. I got out, I would have a nice amount of money to get my new life going and I had a plan.

The next day my lawyer called me. As expected, Simon had made an offer to buy his business back from me, my lawyer told me if I just had some patience, they could get the offer up. But I just wanted everything to be over. I didn’t want to take Simon to the cleaners, well it would have been nice. But I was satisfied knowing he would be paying for my new life. His original offer would cover what I needed it for. So I told my lawyer to accept it and make sure the deal would be signed and make it as quick as possible. The minute I hung up with my lawyer, I called Wictor.

“Bestie!” he called out as he answered.

“Wictor!” I said using the same energy. Wictor was my best and only friend slash brother.

“So, what is the news?” he asked.

“It’s all over. I signed the divorce agreement yesterday and today ‘He who must not be named’ sent over an offer for the business. I accepted,” I told him.

“You go girl!” he told me. “What’s next?”

“Next I’ll wait until the money is in my account and the agreement is signed. Then I’m taking my bestest friend and we are going to look for the perfect place for my bakery,” I told him.

“Good riddance and may you live happily ever after. As your bestest friend, I will be at your beck and call. Just let me know a time and place and I will bring the champagne to celebrate when we find the perfect place.”

“Thank you, and I love you.”

“I love you too, doll.” The call had made me feel better. Wictor always made me feel better. For so long I didn’t know if I would get to this point so I never let myself hope too much. But now, I could get planning. It hadn’t been my idea for Simon to put his business in my name. In fact, I had thought it strange when he first suggested it. But as always, he had come up with some half-assed excuses and then he ran circles around me, making me think my doubts were foolish, that I had no idea what I was talking about and finally that he was hurt that I thought so little of him. It worked, it always did before I saw him for what he was. I still wasn’t sure why he did it. Of course, there were some tax benefits to it, but it seemed far too risky to just get a lower tax. In reality, I didn’t care. Because it meant that after the divorce, I had been the sole owner of his businesses. I didn’t want them, but Simon did. They were his pride and joy. And so they became my way to get what I needed from him, money. I saw it as compensation for everything he had put me through, for all the scars he had left on my heart and soul. He would get his babies back and I would get the means to create my new life and follow my dream. The best part, well almost the best part, had been to see the face of my ex-mother-in-law when she realised I would get the business thanks to the prenup she had made me sign. She had been a true nightmare through our marriage. It was she that insisted I was a gold digger, out for her baby’s money and she insisted we sign a prenup that stated what they owned was to remain their property and not be counted as marital assets. It had kept their precious money safe, but it had also meant I kept his businesses. I had, in an unusual surge of bravery, thanked Mandy for insisting on the prenup. The look she had given me had been worth almost as much as the money I would be getting from her son. I smiled to myself and poured a glass of juice and took a cupcake I had made earlier and sat down at the table in my small studio apartment. I took out my iPad and started working on a business plan. This was really happening, I was finally free and my dream was about to come true.